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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Parents want inheritance back

862 replies

NeededtoNC · 25/06/2019 00:21

Ten years ago, my parents decided to gift me and my brother 100k each as early inheritance within the 7 year period.

With that I bought a house (with a mortgage). Still have 15 years left on the mortgage.

Now our parents want the inheritance back because they have decided they want to buy a summer home abroad.

DB is in a position to be able to as he’s well off.
However I am not and I’m barely able to keep up with the mortgage payments as it is.

In order to give back the money I’d need to sell. My parents are aware of this and have said that if I need help to pay rent, they’ll give it to me. But they want the lump sum in order to buy their holiday home.

AIBU to not give it to them?

OP posts:
Ikabod · 26/06/2019 21:39

They've just backtracked on the 100k gift. Don't trust that they'll pay your rent... at some point they'll backtrack on that too, and where will you be?

I really feel for you. They're being really selfish - they made the decision to give you your inheritance and no longer having that money available to them is a consequence.

MyOtherProfile · 26/06/2019 21:42

Has the OP been back since starting the thread and a few follow up posts the night before last?

FelicisNox · 26/06/2019 21:50

YANBU at all, your parents are.

They gifted it to you as your inheritance, the fact they want a change of lifestyle is their problem and something they should have thought of before they gave it to you.

Turn it around on them: point out the above and tell them in no uncertain terms that you are shocked and disgusted they expect you to sell the roof over your head to fund their late life crisis and that you absolutely will not be doing it, not only is it an unreasonable (and frankly disgusting request, one you are not legally bound to) but whilst they claim they will help you with rent, in actual fact they cannot be trusted to do so.

They have already broken one agreement and you cannot trust them to uphold another promise of rent payment and you should not have to face the prospect of homelessness due to their poor life choices.

They've no legal grounds to attack you with, the answer is no, absolutely not.

If they never speak to you again, you've lost nothing.

Stand your ground.

Petlover9 · 26/06/2019 21:53

That is all you can do, say I want to keep my home. Be prepared for a family rift but this is so unreasonable, unbelievable when they know your circumstances

Lore0404 · 26/06/2019 22:08

I am so sorry you are put in this situation by your parents. It is totally unfair. They had a nice gesture towards you both but what they are asking for now is not right.
The problem is that you will be seen by them as being selfish which believe me you are not.
Now, I believe your brother should back you up. I have a similar situation with my brother in a much smaller scale. My mother pays us some dividends from her business (due to a small investment we both did in her business) but because my brother is the sole breadwinner of his own family I have agreed with my mother that when she has a bad month with her business she must pay my brother and not pay me or reduce my part. There should be clear boundaries but that is what family is for.
Your brother should understand your situation and at the very least not present himself as the good son (you are not saying that but I hope that is not the case)
Also, how many payments have you made towards the mortgage? Are they considering this?
Lastly, honesty is what I always recommend in situations of disagreements. You should state your position just as you have explained above, your financial difficulty, your uncomfortable feeling by them paying your rent..also, what of they decide now to do a trip and can not pay your rent?
Anyway, tough one but I recommend a heart to heart talk to you and pray the stars that all stay well in the family

Theoldwrinkley · 26/06/2019 22:10

I’m fairly sure HMRC would be interested. To give you the 100k is a (legal) way of avoiding inheritance tax, I think. But to ask for it back negates the tax benefits, and is truly weird. They needed to have thought about this sort of option before handing over a gift. Well done to them for thinking about tax implications on their death, but you can’t just demand a gift back, especially such a large sum of money.

becauseIcare · 26/06/2019 22:30

This is so sad. Why don’t they do an equity release on their uk home for the amount they need. It would mean you could stay in your home and they could buy abroad.
If that is not available to them they could do a long term rent abroad. At least you are given them positive solutions when you tell them you are very sorry but you do not have the gift they gave you spare !!!!
So so sad you are in this position and it must be causing you a lot of distress but remember you are in the right .

celticprincess · 26/06/2019 22:41

Wow I’m stunned and add to the list of people saying no.

On another note, whoever posted about OP raising money from her house as she’s had it 10 years so must have some equity. Not necessarily. I bought 11 years ago and am in negative equity. Granted I didn’t have a £100k deposit however the house I bought lost it’s value very quickly as 10-11 years ago there was a huge price crash. We haven’t recovered from this yet and despite paying my mortgage religiously for the last 11 years I am still in negative equity. 😩. Obviously OP may not have had such bad luck with their noise and have loads of equity.

Tomkinz · 26/06/2019 23:05

"There is very little rational thought for their decision"

They've gone ever so slightly nutty. I had a neighbour who used to give me things - he and his wife were in their 80s. A month or so later he'd be knocking at the door asking for something back. I learnt to put everything he "gave" me in a container in a shed and then it was handy for me to give it back to him.

I thought it was just me - but another relative told me they'd given their niece their car and asked for it back 3 months later. He warned me about accepting anything from him. I said I was already aware that their definition of "gift" wasn't the same as most people's.

I suspect that they wouldn't have have done this ten years ago when their faculties were more acute. Like my neighbours, they will both have talked themselves into believing that their stance is quite reasonable.

Legally it's clearly a gift and you'd be able to convince any court that it was just that. But in view of their approach you need to give a response that they are likely to pay attention to.

You need to explain that if they had told you ten years ago that the gift was not a gift, but a loan, that you would probably not have accepted it. I'd explain that by asking for the money back the money was a loan and mortgage application you made was fraudulent and that you are at risk of being convicted of fraud. (You lied when you said that you were not financing the mortagage with any other loan).

I'd tell them that you have two options - wait for them to take you to court for the money and at the very worst you can be made to pay it back. Or, tell them that the other option is to report the fraudulent mortgage application to the lender before you get found out now that things have changed and at worst you can be sent to prison if convicted.

Of the two options say that as you don't like prison then you have no choice but to take the first option to protect yourself.

"No one will know that it was a loan" - If they wanted to buy a property in the EU using your money then they'd have to show the source of their funds - which would mean using your bank statements as an originating source. Then if enquiries are made of you where did that money come from etc etc and the whole thing comes crashing down.

You aren't dealing with wholly rational people and your approach has to be direct and simple.

Tomkinz · 26/06/2019 23:08

Oh, by the way, the equity release option isn't an option. I know of none that will permit anyone other than the owners being permitted to live in the property and renting out an equity released property is a no no.

nzeire · 26/06/2019 23:09

Um, I just read this in the Nz herald

ToftyAC · 26/06/2019 23:12

Family or not, I’d tell them to fuck the fuckity fuck right off. You don’t give a gift that someone based their lives on and then asks for it back. Absolutely not. They’re willing to screw you over so they can have a second home, but you’ll not have one. NO.

MindfulBear · 26/06/2019 23:27

YANBU.

A definite no. Your parents are being bizarre.

Dig your heels in and remind them it was a no strings gift as required by the IHT rules.

Get some legal advice as well.

altiara · 26/06/2019 23:52

I would definitely check with your brother if he’s paid the 100k back. I mean would he really have 100k accessible that quickly? Rich people usually make money work for them- not leave it sitting on a bank account.
Otherwise I feel for you OP! Definitely don’t give up the house, plus legal fees, moving fees, rental fees - that’s more like 110K.

BenjiB · 27/06/2019 00:09

I think your relationship will be ruined even if you do give it back. My husband works his butt off, not to buy nice things but to secure out children’s future. We helped our eldest buy her first house and will help the others when the time comes. I couldn’t in s million years ask for it back.

Arkenfield3001 · 27/06/2019 00:31

Honestly OP why begrudge your parents at little bit of end of life happiness?

You’ve been able to enjoy your house for 10 years and by the sounds of it you’re struggling with your mortgage to such an extent that even the slightest of life’s misfortunes would end up leading to you being repossessed within a short space of time ...

Why not just sell up, return your parent’s starter capital and thus keep your brother happy too! You might find you could rent somewhere really quirky as well as having more disposable income to fly out to their holiday home ...

Lycanthropology · 27/06/2019 00:34

Ah, one if your parents has posted now, OPHmm

Wingingit247 · 27/06/2019 00:50

I’m a mortgage broker, fairly sure the parents can raise money via a mortgage one way or another. Saying they can’t sounds like an excuse to me! Stand firm, the money was a gift. If they absolutely cannot survive without their SECOND HOME they will find alternative ways to finance it.

Oliversmumsarmy · 27/06/2019 00:54

you could rent somewhere really quirky as well as having more disposable income to fly out to their holiday home

I hope you never give out financial advice.

Nice while you have money to live so precariously but reality has a way of biting if you don’t look after your finances and frittering any money away on rent and holidays is a sure way to the poor house.

Op has been sensible and put a roof over her head that one day will be hers with no need for renting.

You do realise that rent is hugely more expensive than a mortgage and as you point out op is only just affording the mortgage

nzeire · 27/06/2019 01:07

I JUST READ THIS IN THE NZ HERALD

BitOfFun · 27/06/2019 01:29

As in they have lifted this thread like the DM, or you think this thread was inspired by the article?

BitOfFun · 27/06/2019 01:32

Ah, slow news day for them too!

Mainlandeurope · 27/06/2019 05:56

Oh dear lord what sloppy journalism

Mummyoflittledragon · 27/06/2019 06:09

It must be tempting for op to send a link to the DM article.

WorkerBee83 · 27/06/2019 06:26

Totally in the right to not give it back if it was a gift and not a loan and you’re simply not financially able to without making yourself homeless! I know you don’t want to fall out with family but they are being unreasonable and guilt tripping you by saying it’ll be yourself once they’re dead. It’s money for a holiday home not really a desperate need for something important like urgent medical treatment xx