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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Parents want inheritance back

862 replies

NeededtoNC · 25/06/2019 00:21

Ten years ago, my parents decided to gift me and my brother 100k each as early inheritance within the 7 year period.

With that I bought a house (with a mortgage). Still have 15 years left on the mortgage.

Now our parents want the inheritance back because they have decided they want to buy a summer home abroad.

DB is in a position to be able to as he’s well off.
However I am not and I’m barely able to keep up with the mortgage payments as it is.

In order to give back the money I’d need to sell. My parents are aware of this and have said that if I need help to pay rent, they’ll give it to me. But they want the lump sum in order to buy their holiday home.

AIBU to not give it to them?

OP posts:
BrilliantYou · 26/06/2019 17:47

Sounds very awkward but I don't think you're BU - just realistic. It's not your fault your parent's retirement hasn't gone to plan and they've lost money. If you genuinely can't afford it then you can't. I can't quite believe they want you to put your home at risk for their holiday home Hmm

fib88 · 26/06/2019 17:49

Something doesn’t add up here - your parents can sign a property away to you and you’re brother and if they die after the 7 years no inheritance tax is due ,.. but you are only allowed to gift £4,000 per year total not per child - they couldn’t of given you both £100,000 legally. There are very strict laws and your parents risk being prosecuted if caught !

Lex64 · 26/06/2019 17:49

YANBU It was a gift. End of. Show your parents this thread. "Recalling" a 10-year old gift because they made some poor choices is frankly tough. They've put you in a completely shitty situation and I feel for you, but it's wholly inconsiderate of them to do this to you and your family. Stick to your guns!

Whatnotea · 26/06/2019 17:50

I am so sorry this is happening to you.
Your parents are totally inconsiderate to want you to uproot your family and move away from the security of your own home.

You have had some good wording suggested by others to go back to your parents with.

Not sure it has been mentioned but they also would be liable for Tax @ 40% as you would effectively be gifting them the 100k. They could go the 7 year route I suppose but why should you.

You need to stand your ground and say a gift is a gift.
I am shocked to be honest that a parent would leave their child vulnerable. Tell them you fully accept that they will adjust their will accordingly but you are not in a position to agree to such a thing.

Good luck!

WhoKnewBeefStew · 26/06/2019 17:50

That’s a horrendous thing for them to do. I can’t believe that parents would see their daughter lose her home and have to rent in order for them to buy a second home. Disgraceful behaviour.

Can your brother give them another 100k and have it written into the will he gets that back plus interest from their estate (if of course there’s anything left)

Valuationhelp · 26/06/2019 17:52

Surely there’s proof it was a gift? I know my dad had to sign something when he gifted me a deposit for a house.

Tiredand · 26/06/2019 17:52

"Buying abroad sounds like something one of their friends has done (probably a few years ago) and they don’t want to be outdone.

Or it is just another bad investment"

This.

My Dad wanted to borrow £30K to buy a brand new car (his money locked away and expecting a large tax refund) purely because all his posh neighbours were doing it (theirs being on monthly leases but he thought that was money wasted). Fortunately I let it drag on for a month or so, and then his very sensible partner saw a lovely used car at half that price, which he bought (still borrowing from me).

Frankly you'd think that pensioners would have stopped keeping up with the Joneses. I just keep reminding him that his car may be older but at least he owns it, unlike those leasing at £400 per month (sounds cheap but that's £4,800 per year, £14,400 over 3 yrs for something you'll never own).

katewhinesalot · 26/06/2019 17:53

Why don't they take out a buy to let mortgage on their own property?

missbloomsbury · 26/06/2019 17:53

HigaDequasLuoff

This

We gave our DS £100k 3 years ago to buy a property. In spite of my DPs deteriorating health & subsequent financial problems, we have never & will never ask for that money back.

In contrast 40 years ago we gave all our savings (£10k) to my MIL as a LOAN for her to purchase a property. She then refused to return it as she saw it as a gift & my SILs agreed as they also stood to inherit from the property sale.

Money in families can be very dangerous. DONT give in to your selfish, greedy parents who like us I imagine come from the ‘haditall’ generation. Risk losing contact if necessary. That should make them regret their appalling request.

cherish123 · 26/06/2019 17:54

I am shocked. Tell them no way. They gave you the money. It's not theirs to demand back. This is shockingly selfish and immature parenting. Don't offer a compromise. They would be prepared to see their child homeless and renting in order to have a holiday house 🤨.

lyndseylou43 · 26/06/2019 17:55

Yanbu don’t give them a penny back and cut them off if they cause you trouble

BlondeBumshelll · 26/06/2019 17:57

Christ I've heard some corkers on here but this??

Poor you, OP. What an awful situation to be put in by your own parents.

Bluntness100 · 26/06/2019 18:04

This is shocking. Your parents want you to sell your home so they can buy a holiday home? That can't be real. Who would do that?

Was the money a loan or something? This is beyond bizzare.

linzm1985 · 26/06/2019 18:13

Can't they sell their own house, downsize and pay rent on a smaller property instead of paying your rent?

No, no and no!

Jellicoe · 26/06/2019 18:13

Sorry but I hope you will do the right thing and not give it back. Your parents sound really selfish tbh.

feelinglikepeaches · 26/06/2019 18:15

Just an idea but it makes more sense that brother (and possibly you- bear with on that) buys the holiday house with a mortgage so it is owned by you and not your parents. parents have a rental agreement for the house and use their rent money from UK home to pay the mortgage (they were willing to pay your rent so presumably they have income that means they could pay all year round?). If they go into care/something happens your brother and you already own teh house and can sell it.
There are tax consequences for owning a second home and this is not risk free but if your brother is wealthy he is likely to have more to lose. you could always suggest this as a way forward just for him--

sylviemc · 26/06/2019 18:20

this is an incredible story and no you should not give it back unless there is more to it than you are telling us of course - if you're on mumsnet I assume you also have children so would they also be affected here. This is emotional blackmail and they made a decision which if they now regret that is their lesson. We did a simllar thing with our kids and gave them lump sums when we sold up to downsize _BUT we found our new house needed far more restoration than we had even imagined at worst case scenario, and we used up all our nest egg that we hoped to use on travelling but we have not asked them for a penny - just said there is no more spare cash so please don't ask.

CandleWithHair · 26/06/2019 18:26

“I understand your circumstances and priorities may have changed however that money was given, and received, in good faith as a gift a long time ago. For me to repay it would mean giving up my home & stability, and I am not prepared to do this. I am sorry if my reply disappoints you, but unfortunately I am not in the same fortunate position as DB where I can repay you without causing myself significant hardship.”

Fuckers!

Tinkobell · 26/06/2019 18:30

Just jaw dropping that your parents would pull the financial rug from under your feet like that....utterly self serving! I don't think you should give the money back assuming that when you were gifted that money it was absolutely clear as daylight that it was made to you as a one-way, no strings gift? ......never to be repaid? Well Was it op?

I think the post suggestion below of your brother buying and your parents renting off him is excellent. Even if he is a very wealthy man, writing a cheque for £100k will bloody hurt. He will be very peaved. But I'd actually talk to him, lay out your position, layout your stance and make the suggestion that he invests on their behalf.

CorBlimeyGovenor · 26/06/2019 18:33

I am pretty sure that the law is firmly on your side. If you have not got a contract, or made any repayments during that period, then any sensible court would see that as evidence of a gift. The fact that both you and your brother were given the same amount at the same time further demonstrates that it was a gift. It's highly unlikely that both of you sought a loan for the same amount at the same time.

Stay calm but try to remain firm. Explain that you never would have accepted it if you knew that you'd have to pay it back. Say that you would dearly love for them to have a holiday home, but that you simply cannot afford to repay them without selling and it saddens you that you would have to leave the house and go from being a home owner to the uncertainty of renting and would have to downsize due to rent being more than a mortgage currently. Ask them to consider what other options are open to them. Could they remortgage their home. Could they rent it out permanently and rent abroad instead of buying. That might make more sense with all the uncertainty of Brexit. Properties are notoriously hard to sell abroad. I have known several people move abroad, only to decide to move back in their old age and be unable to sell or lose thousands. Ask them to rethink. If they still want it back, you have two choices. Keep it. The law is on your side. Or give it back and break ties. Because ultimately I fear that it will come to that, or at least sour the relationship considerably.

Deadlysinner · 26/06/2019 18:33

As Jebider said, when I bought my flat my parents helped me with the deposit. The mortgage company made them sign to say that it was a gift rather than a loan and that it would not be paid packed to them. I believe this is partly due to it being a mortgage and partly anti money laundering so that would be an issue too.

CorBlimeyGovenor · 26/06/2019 18:35

Or, simply repeat the great MM mantra: "sorry, that doesn't work for me".

ChocOrCheese · 26/06/2019 18:40

Not read whole thread. But you have to say no. There is no guarantee whatsoever that you will get anything back in the end. What if it all gets eaten up by care home costs? Or the overseas property market crashes.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 26/06/2019 18:41

Their selfishness is off the scale .
Its all very well your brother being fine with it. He can afford to be.
They'd actually see you sell your home so basically your security.
Yes I know they've said "They'll pay your rent, but would you trust them. After all they've gone back on their word once.

cushioncovers · 26/06/2019 18:42

They gave it to you over ten years ago. You spent it. It's gone. End of story. 🤷🏻‍♀️

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