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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Parents want inheritance back

862 replies

NeededtoNC · 25/06/2019 00:21

Ten years ago, my parents decided to gift me and my brother 100k each as early inheritance within the 7 year period.

With that I bought a house (with a mortgage). Still have 15 years left on the mortgage.

Now our parents want the inheritance back because they have decided they want to buy a summer home abroad.

DB is in a position to be able to as he’s well off.
However I am not and I’m barely able to keep up with the mortgage payments as it is.

In order to give back the money I’d need to sell. My parents are aware of this and have said that if I need help to pay rent, they’ll give it to me. But they want the lump sum in order to buy their holiday home.

AIBU to not give it to them?

OP posts:
springydaff · 25/06/2019 23:35

This book is for you op.

Don't give them the money back.

So sorry your family is so revolting op Flowers

Ourmaud · 25/06/2019 23:44

Sorry not rtft so may have been addressed already- Can well off DB not get the holiday home mortgage in his name and then let your parents make the payments with the understanding that you have no interest in that part of the inheritance? Then you would only need to split other assets (presuming you aren’t disinherited)

EllenOlenska · 26/06/2019 00:43

Hi OP
Apologies, as I've read a lot of this thread but may have missed someone else asking this;
If you have very little contact with your brother, do you know for sure he has agreed / already paid his 100k?
What if they tried him, he said no and now they are trying you as they feel you might acquiesce?
Also, as many others have asked, did you get a deed of gift when you got your mortgage?

billybagpuss · 26/06/2019 08:00

To be honest it’s the relationship with my family that is the most upsetting thing. But as pp have pointed out, it feels like it’s fucked either way now

Better that it is fucked with a roof over your head than without one.

I hope you are able to make some progress today Flowers

BlueJag · 26/06/2019 08:37

I wouldn't at all. It's yours. I'm amazed that they would want to take your security for the sake of a holiday home?????
They can rent many homes.
I'll refuse and point out that it makes no sense to take away your home to buy a second home for them ConfusedConfusedConfusedConfused

prettybird · 26/06/2019 08:42

Better that it [your relationship with your family] is fucked with a roof over your head than without one.

^^ This with bells on.

BlueJag · 26/06/2019 08:47

If they are willing to make you vulnerable and dependent on their charity that isn't good parenting.
I'll be so upset with them. If they say you are going to get it when we are gone you can say first they may need their money for their care and secondly in the here and now they effectively want to make you dependent when you are a home owner. Renting is a pit in the ground.
They aren't thinking about the implications of what they are asking for.
Fortunately your brother has been able to give them half so some of the pressure is off you.
Please do not sell your home. It's up to them if they fall out with you at least you'll have your home.
How dare them????

DarcyDrive · 26/06/2019 08:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OhLookHeKickedTheBall · 26/06/2019 08:52

My ILs similarly gifted us a large amount recently for similar reasons. I showed DH this thread and he's aghast. He has a very good relationship with ILs and has no reason to suspect they'd pull a stunt like this but said that unless it was for some urgent care need where their other assets couldn't cover it he'd tell ILs where to go in far less nice terms. The gift may have been to us but as far as ILs were concerned at the time and the way DH sees it, the money was really for the benefit of our DC. Not sure whether BIL would feel the same with regards, but we have different finances too.

ellen has a good point though, can you really be sure your brother has actually agreed to it?

BlueJag · 26/06/2019 08:53

Even if they lost money on a business that went wrong so what? They want a holiday home that's not necessary it's a fancy. I'm so upset for you.

Newmumma83 · 26/06/2019 08:55

@Bignicetree

If I was the op my concern would be ... a) having to depend on hand outs to cover rent ( imagine based on house prices 10 years ago the mortgage is relatively small and rent will be much higher .. her parents have a habit of changing their minds

B) in 20 years time or when they pass .... house prices are likely to cost more

C) there are no guarantees she will have an inheritance to get back into this position ... if they need to go into a home in latent years they would have to sell property to cover costs of care ( one month in a reasonable care home for someone with dementia is roughly £1500 pm )

D) she may not be able to afford to buy in the future so when parents pass she may be unable to afford rent and as she is older she won’t be eligible to borrow what she needs.

I imagine this is possibly why parents gave inheritance early as well as avoiding inheritance tax which you need to pay upfront if inheritance is over a certain amount... which op is unlikely to be in the position to do

I am not saying you should expect inheritance but it’s been given and being taken back along With the security and opportunity ... it’s gonna sting x x

Newmumma83 · 26/06/2019 08:57

@NeededtoNC have you discussed with parents concerns ( I have put mine in above post to someone else ) x x

JustGettingStarted · 26/06/2019 09:05

DarcyDrive I'm so sorry for you having to go through that. It sounds like the law was on your parents' side as you were in Scotland.

hennythe100footbird · 26/06/2019 09:18

No.

Fuck no.

Absolutely fucking not.

No fucking way.

Are you fucking kidding me?

One of these should work for you OP.

I would advise you NOT to follow in your parents footsteps with ridiculous financial decisions (of which this would definitely be one!) and leave yourself in financial dire straits. As PP's have said, they will have had to sign something for the mortgage company confirming it was a gift and in no way a loan, so they won't have a leg to stand on.

Also, I would consider going NC with these people, 'D'B included. I imagine they'll only spend years discussing 'that time that OP refused to help us' and making you feel shitty. No-one needs that. Same as no-one 'needs' a holiday home.

Thanks for you OP. What a genuinely fucking horrible situation to be in xx

prettybird · 26/06/2019 09:32

At least in Scotland it is not possible to fully disinherit offspring Wink - although they only have a "right" to a minimum specific proportion of the "moveable" estate (including cash and savings). Although I wouldn't put it past Darcy's parents to put all their money into bricks and mortar and then leaving it to the local Cat & Dog's Home. Sad

DarcyDrive · 26/06/2019 09:41

Fucking Daily Mail. Angry
Can they not hire some real journalists for once???

NeverSayFreelance · 26/06/2019 09:47

I haven't read the entire thread because jeezo that's a lot of replies. But this is one of the worst things I've ever read on here! I have a decent amount of savings but it's nowhere near 100k! I doubt many people have 100k to just hand over to anyone! You poor thing, OP, they have put you in a terrible position.

fussychica · 26/06/2019 10:14

Hope they are Daily Fail readers and recognise themselves from the article.

LillianGish · 26/06/2019 10:22

Does no-one think it may have been a Daily Mail journalist posting in the first place just to give themselves something to write about? There's no fact checking here - no evidence whatsoever that the OP isn't made up.

DarcyDrive · 26/06/2019 10:22

Hi Op, I've had to get MNHQ to delete my post because my parents are avid Daily Mail readers, surprise surprise!

But the gist of it was, I have been through this exact same thing. PM me if you want to chat about it.

Thank you Hope from MNHQ.

Whosorrynow · 26/06/2019 10:23

Yep the daily mail has owned us again 🙄

rattusrattus20 · 26/06/2019 10:26

i only read pages 1 & 22 but thought i'd add my voices to those saying that OP INBU.

Whosorrynow · 26/06/2019 10:29

@DarcyDrive I hope you managed to get a good outcome!
I have a sort of similar story, we'd had some bad luck and my mother-in-law felt sorry for us and gave us £2500 to buy a new car
When my brother-in-law complained that he hadn't received a gift she demanded that we give him half the money that she'd given us, gave us the gift then asked for half of it back!

lottiegarbanzo · 26/06/2019 10:35

LillianGish Yes. 'Go on. Let's test those Mumsnetters' tax knowledge with a bit of cheeky parent outrage. An educational warning about taxes and wills for our readers, totally ethical'.

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