Parents want inheritance back

[NeededtoNC]

Ten years ago, my parents decided to gift me and my brother 100k each as early inheritance within the 7 year period.

With that I bought a house (with a mortgage). Still have 15 years left on the mortgage.

Now our parents want the inheritance back because they have decided they want to buy a summer home abroad.

DB is in a position to be able to as he’s well off.
However I am not and I’m barely able to keep up with the mortgage payments as it is.

In order to give back the money I’d need to sell. My parents are aware of this and have said that if I need help to pay rent, they’ll give it to me. But they want the lump sum in order to buy their holiday home.

AIBU to not give it to them?

Whatever you give up won't buy you the family you want

Absolutely this ^ Well put.

What parents ask for the money back?? Crazy!

@saraclara

I just wanted to check if you've come across something called Continuing Health Care funding: it can fund full private care home fees and your mother may be eligible for a retrospective review (and back payments). It applies when people have complex conditions, but is worth checking out if you haven't come across it.

The initial guidance is here:

www.nhs.uk/conditions/social-care-and-support-guide/money-work-and-benefits/nhs-continuing-healthcare/

The screening checklist is a little harder to find (though it's referenced in the above) so I'll link to it below:

www.gov.uk/government/publications/nhs-continuing-healthcare-checklist

Depending on the screening checklist results they then complete a full assessment.

Hope it helps, if you've not come across it already.

CHC funding is exceptionally difficult to get. The thresholds are extremely high. Screening in for further assessment a DST) is not so hard but being assessed as eligible for health funding is not common at all.

You could always tell them that you relishes remortgaged a few years ago for a great investment but sadly lost all the money, so you don't have £100k in the house, the bank owns it all? They couldn't really say anything to that, given they did similar!

@Nacreous
This (CHC funding for care) is irrelevant to the thread. And poster afterwards was quite right in clarifying it rarely applies/very few people are eligible.

OP, you genuinely don't need to seek tax advice. Solicitor maybe, but really it was a gift (if they gifted it to avoid IHT it was without expectation of anything) and it is not their money. PPs have repeatedly suggested you remember & refer to the gift 20 years ago as it is your money, your house and you don't have the money to suddenly gift your parents your money. Nor have any reason to.

. Please don't even entertain this and say "no thanks" repeatedly. Don't waste anymore time nor angst on this. No one in their right mind would do this.

So you have to sell your one home so they can buy their second home??

Think about how messed up that sounds... I'd rather be on the stress than make my kids sell their homes

*streets

Sure it's hard to get, but I wasn't talking to the OP, I was talking to a poster who mentioned years and years of high cost funding for someone who suffered a severe stroke.

The costs mentioned by that poster are well within the average costs of CHC packages, so it's not implausible that funding would be arranged. The national guidance was also changed in October last year, making it somewhat easier to access, and there's no chance of accessing it if you don't know it exists unless you happen to have a helpful HCP who pushes for it. I specifically stated it related to complex conditions, and frankly there's no harm in them looking into it.

No, it's not directly relevant to the OP but it has the potential to be highly relevant to saraclara, whose poor mum appears to have been severely incapacitated by a stroke. And she was the person I directed my message to.

*10 years ago.

Nacreous, believe me, we investigated every single avenue. CHC was applied for, refused, appealed, and applied for again later when we thought that a change in her condition might make a difference. The rules and barriers make it highly unlikely that more than a tiny percentage of people will be granted it. Disability doesn't count. A disease (like cancer) might.

Anyway, this is a threadjack. Back to the OP.

Please don't let them bully you. Your posts suggest a very sad family dynamic and the fact that you are considering giving them this money implies that they have trained you to pander to them & continually seek their approval.

Was that your parents posting above as darkclouds?

You DON'T have to sell your house to buy them a place in the sun. They are being so far beyond unreasonable to ask that there are barely words to describe it.

With parents like that you don't need enemies.

Nacreous CHC is very hard to get. And certainly round my geographical area homes have stopped taking CHC funded individuals because they no longer pay a fair amount or put their payments up in April when wages and home fees increase.

I haven't RTFT but I would not give it back. It's ridiculous that they want you to sell your house to finance a holiday home, and if it were me the relationship would be ruined already regardless of what happens now with the money. They gave you a gift, they cannot ask for it back. That's not how gifts work.

What a shitty thing they’re doing

I would not sell the house to give them the money. They might say now we’ll you'll get it back when we go, but they could change their mind and leave it all to your brother or the local cats home. They’ve proved you can’t trust what they say.

If you'd spent £100k on a wedding and holidays would they still be asking for it back???

You don't have the money, they are certainly not in need. The family relationship will never be the same again so you need to just be honest "I can't afford to give you any money and I'm not moving into the insecurity of renting"

You should be protected by your mortgage. They would have had to sign a gifted money thing when you bought the house to say they would.not be expecting the money back as it is a gift.

Speak to your solicitor.

Don't give it back, whatever you do. They gave it to you as a gift. It's yours now. There is no guarantee of inheritance in the future. My parents are both in a care home suffering from Alzheimer's. We had to sell their house and all the money is being used for their care. Don't give up your home. Your parents are very much in the wrong here.

If you'd spent £100k on a wedding and holidays would they still be asking for it back???

Exactly. You're being penalised for using it wisely. If you'd spent it on holidays and card, you'd have nothing left to sell to reimburse them.
You should possibly make that point.

CARS! No-one needs to spend thousands on card

We were gifted money to help with a deposit for a house and it had to be screened for money laundering and declared as a gift as part of our terms for getting our mortgage. It will be written down somewhere.
Probably worth consulting a solicitor for some peace of mind and be honest to them. They do not need a second home, then WANT a second home but no they should not be asking you to sells yours and rent.
What would they have done if you hadn't been sensible and bought a house? What if you had squandered it all?
Such a rubbish situation. Hugs

With parents like that, who needs enemies.

The real solution should have been that they bought the house and registered it in their name at land reg but allowed you to live in it free of charge then when they passed, it would pass to you in their will.

🤨