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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Parents want inheritance back

862 replies

NeededtoNC · 25/06/2019 00:21

Ten years ago, my parents decided to gift me and my brother 100k each as early inheritance within the 7 year period.

With that I bought a house (with a mortgage). Still have 15 years left on the mortgage.

Now our parents want the inheritance back because they have decided they want to buy a summer home abroad.

DB is in a position to be able to as he’s well off.
However I am not and I’m barely able to keep up with the mortgage payments as it is.

In order to give back the money I’d need to sell. My parents are aware of this and have said that if I need help to pay rent, they’ll give it to me. But they want the lump sum in order to buy their holiday home.

AIBU to not give it to them?

OP posts:
NoSquirrels · 25/06/2019 18:12

You don’t need to see your accountant. You don’t need to fu f out about tax implications- there aren’t any if you don’t entertain this mad idea.

They cannot have £100K from your home equity.

SamBaileys · 25/06/2019 18:16

Wow what an awful situation, theres nothing like money for causing problems within families.

SusieOwl4 · 25/06/2019 18:17

funny posts from dark clouds and sunny days (: its not like they expected an inheritance - it was gifted - look up the legal term for gift. Not loaned . And the parents did it to avoid care home fees gobbling up their money . The poster DID invest the GIFT they did not fritter it away and the parents are not destitute - they want the money for a holiday home and are willing to make their child homeless to achieve it .

orangesandlemon · 25/06/2019 18:19

Your brother can give them your share and claim it back in his inheritance. And then wash your hands of all of them

orangesandlemon · 25/06/2019 18:20

Op how much is your house worth?

CookieDoughKid · 25/06/2019 18:23

OP. You do not have to do anything other than respond back to your parents with a firm no. Thank you but no. No again. Until you are tired of hearing yourself say no. Tell your parents in the most serious manner that you don't want it brought up ever again.

Cherrysoup · 25/06/2019 18:24

Don't bother with an accountant, he or she won't tell you anything different from us. Someone already said what the tax implications are ie if you die within 7 years of re-gifting the money, then your parents are liable for IHT if your assets total more than is it £360k these days? I can't remember.

Even if you were to return the money-which you seem to be considering- then your relationship is fucked either way. So don't give it back!

Whosorrynow · 25/06/2019 18:26

they did it thinking it would benefit them, then decided it wasnt such a good idea and they wished they'd kept the money
rather than suffer the consequences of their bad judgement they decided to make their children bear the cost

I hope they dont expect you to step up and care for them when they get frail

ivykaty44 · 25/06/2019 18:26

Either way I’d go no contact regardless of whether the the money was returned or not, who would want people like this in their lives

Outsomnia · 25/06/2019 18:28

Leaving aside the familial trauma associated with parent's demand, who FGS in their right mind would even consider buying a foreign property at this stage. I don't know if the potential foreign property is in the EU or not, but if it is......

I say this on the understanding that the family/parents are British based.

Until Brexit or no Brexit, or whatever is decided, best stay put till the dust settles anyway.

Best thing to do would be rent a suitable property abroad, and let their own house for the time they will be away, whether AirBnB or whatever. Engage an agent and a cleaner for the six or whatever months they will be away.

No responsibility in the foreign country other than paying the rent, which would probably be a lot less than that gained from a short rental in their home.

Parents approach doesn't make sense to me. But personally I cannot believe that the parents have demanded this. Wonder if golden child brother has actually paid his gift back too.

Lots to ponder.

Whosorrynow · 25/06/2019 18:30

the awful truth is that they want you to lose your only home so that they can have a holiday home
they want you to sacrifice your basic sense of security in life so that they can have a luxury item, to boost their status and prestige by taking away the roof over your head

and these are your parents
this is what blood means to them, this is what family means to them

comoagua · 25/06/2019 18:32

Yes op they are horrible to ask for the money back to buy a second home so you can rent. As everyone else has said, say no. You may get threatened with getting nothing else but at least you’ll have a secure place to live.

mummmy2017 · 25/06/2019 19:00

Think I'd rather some hate me and have a house to live in, than be homeless and bitter

Wonkybanana · 25/06/2019 19:00

To be honest it’s the relationship with my family that is the most upsetting thing. But as pp have pointed out, it feels like it’s fucked either way now.

OP I'm sorry but I think it was fucked before this happened. That they can even think of taking your home away from you so that they can have a second home shows what (or how) they think of you.

You don't have a good relationship with them now. Returning the money won't buy you one.

Sadly though, I think this will take its toll on you even if you don't sell the house to give them the money. You love your home - but I suspect you won't ever feel truly comfortable living there from now on, it will always be tainted. I don't think you should have to sell, and I think it's appalling that they're effectively demanding that you do. But in the long run you might be happier selling, returning the money and buying somewhere else where you can be totally free of them. And don't rent and have them paying either.

onalongsabbatical · 25/06/2019 19:08

Wonkybanana NO! She doesn't need to sell and pay them in order to be free of them, that's bonkers. Just decide to not be manipulated and blackmailed. IT IS NOT THEIR MONEY - HASN'T BEEN FOR YEARS.

AnotherEmma · 25/06/2019 19:08

"I suspect you won't ever feel truly comfortable living there from now on, it will always be tainted."

I disagree. I'd be happier staying and knowing I stood my ground (literally!) than selling and living somewhere else - which would be a constant reminder of their unreasonable request and general shiftiness.

itsallgoingsouth · 25/06/2019 19:29

Sorry if you have told us already, OP, but where are your parents thinking of buying their deluxe second home? Is there a possible plan to buy this second home and move permanently if they like it there and then sell the UK home? £200K gets you a very nice home in some places but I imagine they have champagne tastes on a beer budget ! They should use your brother's £100K which he can afford then release equity in their own home if needed. DB can have a bigger inheritance when they shuffle off this mortal coil (if there's anything left by then).

I've heard of the Bank of Mum & Dad but not the other way round. Say no, you're not in a position to help at the moment

Puddingmama2017 · 25/06/2019 19:30

PLEASE PLEASE DON’T GIVE UP YOU HOME!

Imagine how you will feel in however many years when you’re retirement age. Do you want to think that you have security for your older years? Right now you do. If you give up your house, you have zero guarantee of getting that security back again. You could end up in a care home with no way to pay, and remember that your parents last years were spent in the sun at your expense.

Like the lady who asked about donating a kidney to her estranged sister.

It doesn’t matter, money, a house, a body part.......whatever you give up won’t buy you the family you want. Keep your home.

lottiegarbanzo · 25/06/2019 19:40

By all means speak to an accountant to understand the tax implications for your parents, then their estate, of their ideas, if you like (to make clear what an utterly bonkers idea this all is for them). All that has nothing to do with you though, there are no tax implications for you.

You may or may not inherit anything from your parents eventually, if, by then, there is anything left to inherit and they choose to bequeath something to you.

LightsInOtherPeoplesHouses · 25/06/2019 19:55

"Even If they tried to give you a lump sum later on, they'll fall foul of deliberate deprivation of assets,"

That could also apply to the £200,000 the OPs parents are trying to get back.

BumandChips · 25/06/2019 19:59

Don’t do it OP.

PurpleCrazyHorse · 25/06/2019 20:04

OP, your parents aren't asking for 'their' £100k back, they're actually asking for you to gift them £100k. Do you have £100k sitting around that you're prepared to give away with no expectation of it being paid back?

user1480880826 · 25/06/2019 20:18

Your parents are incredibly unkind. I would not trust them to give you money for rent since they have given you money once already and then demanded it back.

I just can’t imagine what kind of horrendous parents would force their child to become homeless so that they can buy a holiday house.

Your brother should have consulted with you before agreeing to give the money back. He just have realised that you wouldn’t be able to do the same thing.

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 25/06/2019 20:25

Haven't RTFT so sorry if it's been said, but to me this seems barely more rational/reasonable than if they suddenly decided to claim back every single 'unnecessary' expenditure on you since birth. So all the birthday and Christmas presents, the cost of any food beyond the bare minimum needed to keep you alive, holidays, treats... If they wanted that, you wouldn't feel bad saying no. You shouldn't feel bad about this either.

Imaginethis · 25/06/2019 20:26

OP I’m so sorry you find yourself in such a difficult situation.

Like others I gave (repeat gave) my DCs money for house purchase and had to write to the mortgage lenders confirming that this was a gift and was non refundable.

Your parents cannot now ask you to return the gift.

Please stand firm and say no.