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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Parents want inheritance back

862 replies

NeededtoNC · 25/06/2019 00:21

Ten years ago, my parents decided to gift me and my brother 100k each as early inheritance within the 7 year period.

With that I bought a house (with a mortgage). Still have 15 years left on the mortgage.

Now our parents want the inheritance back because they have decided they want to buy a summer home abroad.

DB is in a position to be able to as he’s well off.
However I am not and I’m barely able to keep up with the mortgage payments as it is.

In order to give back the money I’d need to sell. My parents are aware of this and have said that if I need help to pay rent, they’ll give it to me. But they want the lump sum in order to buy their holiday home.

AIBU to not give it to them?

OP posts:
AnathemaPulsifer · 25/06/2019 16:24

If you do end up giving it back to them you should definitely subtract the stamp duty you paid on your house purchase as you wouldn’t have spent that money if you’d known it was a short term loan.

PeevedNiamh · 25/06/2019 16:33

This is crazy. Say no... Or put your house up for sale and never actually let it sell. Tell the estate agent you can only do viewings within a teeny window and make sure you tell viewers about the mining, sewage tunnels and everything else you suspect has gone on under the house 😁

Strawberrypancakes · 25/06/2019 16:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MissConductUS · 25/06/2019 16:51

make sure you tell viewers about the mining, sewage tunnels and everything else you suspect has gone on under the house

The last time I sold a house a potential buyer insisted on knowing why we were selling. It was really none of his concern, so I told him that the alien spacecraft that had crash landed in the garden hundreds of years ago was starting to make noises late at night and it was disturbing my sleep and a bit worrisome too.

The EA was as mad as a wet cat, but it was worth it to see the look on his face.

MadameMaxGoesler · 25/06/2019 17:00

Buy them a copy of King Lear.

bengalcat · 25/06/2019 17:04

Keep the money and your house . Your initial post makes telling reference to the within 7 years ‘tax saving ‘ for money gifted by them .

Thymejuice · 25/06/2019 17:08

Sorry if this has already been mentioned, haven't read the full thread.

If you sell and give your parents the money, what happens if you got sick or were made redundant? Obviously the hope is this doesn't happen but if it does wouldn't it count as deprivation of capital and impact on any benefit claim?

growlingbear · 25/06/2019 17:11

Old people often become phenomenally selfish with the empathetic range of toddlers. I would worry it's early stage dementia for them to behave in such unspeakably selfish ways.

Have they always been manipulative and bullying? If not, seriously I think it's senility setting in - a complete lack of proportion. If they have always been horrible now is the time to cut ties and say: it was a gift. I'm not prepared to make my child homeless so that you can have a holiday home and if you had any sense of decency and proportion, nor would you.

If it was a loan and you have to give it back to them, make sure than any drop in sale price and all costs relating to selling the house and shared proportionally, since they were investing in the home.

Singlenotsingle · 25/06/2019 17:14

So you're not going to do it, are you?

SchadenfreudePersonified · 25/06/2019 17:17

And if (obviously tragically) you or your brother return the money and die in less than 7 years, you will have given your parents a gift that could become liable to inheritance tax

And deprived your own partner/family of a decent chunk of your estate. At present if your home is jointly owned with your partner, then if either of you died, the other would have the security of their home as an asset.

Original poster
NeededtoNC · 25/06/2019 17:21

Gosh, I stepped away from the thread as I was finding the whole thing very stressful so I haven’t had time to catch up with all the posts but what I have read so far has been incredibly supportive so thank you very much!

I’m going to speak to my accountant so that I can understand the tax implications better. To be honest it’s the relationship with my family that is the most upsetting thing. But as pp have pointed out, it feels like it’s fucked either way now. Sad

OP posts:
prettybird · 25/06/2019 17:26

Just noticed your heading again and wanted to add to my previous post...

You say your "parents want inheritance back"

It ceased to be an inheritance at the point of "gifting" - as to avoid IHT, the gift has to be unconditional. It definitely stopped being any part of your inheritance after 7 years, when IHT would no longer apply to the gift.

You need to change your mindset. Stop calling it "inheritance" and call it what it was: a gift. Or if you can't bring yourself to do that, call it a "tax-saving dodge" Wink

BitOfFun · 25/06/2019 17:34

I wouldn't bother to (pay to?) see your accountant. It really is as simple as saying "No". There is no version of the scenario they are proposing which wouldn't leave you significantly worse off.

merrymouse · 25/06/2019 17:41

There are no tax implications if you don’t give them them the money.

Whosorrynow · 25/06/2019 17:55

I would say no and cut ties with them

Whosorrynow · 25/06/2019 18:00

Old people often become phenomenally selfish with the empathetic range of toddlers. I would worry it's early stage dementia for them to behave in such unspeakably selfish ways
this^

ifIwerenotanandroid · 25/06/2019 18:00

Please don't give them the money. It was officially a gift (however your parents saw it) & you absolutely cannot afford to give an equivalent gift to your parents right now.

Free yourself of any feeling of obligation to them over this, especially as they don't seem to feel much obligation towards you.

It's no longer their money. It's your money.

And don't fall for the 'it'll be there for you when we die'. Anything could happen between now & then. They could change their will & cut you out. They could spend it all frivolously. They could spend it on care for themselves. They could give it away to someone else.

What sort of parent could see their child onto the property ladder & then throw them off it? (Mine, to be brutally honest, but as they never gave me any money before or after their deaths, it was bugger all to do with them what house I bought.)

Brace yourself for the fallout, but keep the money.

Ihopeyourcakeisshit · 25/06/2019 18:01

Ultimately OP your parents can't be trusted whatever they might claim they will do for you in the future.
What kind of person asks you to sell your home so they can have another one in Fuertawhereverthefuck?

Rowennaravenclaw · 25/06/2019 18:01

If you have an otherwise good relationship with them OP, and that is what is upsetting you most about this, then maybe they simply haven't thought this through.
I agree with the posters who have suggested explaining to them the full implications of what they are suggesting. Maybe they haven't thought it through properly. Make it clear from the outset that you are going to say no, but offer them your reasons why. Everything already on this thread,about valuing security, the cost of selling and returning the money, the unlikelihood that you will get back on the housing ladder, etc etc. There's some really good points people have come up with, I really hope you can read through it all and find it useful xx

Arnoldthecat · 25/06/2019 18:04

I wonder what would happen if the parent(s) fortune changed, they became very ill,dependent or fell on hard times? If such a parent had gifted their child a large sum of money in better times, would the child help out or would we find that the child had fully lived up to and beyond their means and couldnt possibly help? This is just a general comment and not specifically about the OP. "older" people are not the only selfish ones. Many younger people look enviously on what their parents have and seek to drain them as if well they will soon die/im entitled to it/ill have it now/ ill use the grand kids as leverage to extract what is rightfully mine etc etc..

LakieLady · 25/06/2019 18:06

Buy them a copy of King Lear.

Lol.

YANBU OP and they are CFs.

I think they're crazy to buy property overseas atm, especially if they're buying in Europe. Things are so uncertain.

I feel for you though, facing the possibility that their crazy request may mean going NC.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 25/06/2019 18:06

couldn't you sell your home, give them back the £100k out of the sale and then surely you will still have some profit yourself if you've been paying a mortgage off for 10 years, so you can put that down as a deposit on a new place.

NO!!!!!

Why should she? A home isn't just money invested in bricks and mortar - it is love, hard work and dreams! It is chosen because of convenience to schools/ work/ shopping centres etc. You make friends and develop a social network around your home area. So do your children.

Finding somewhere to rent in an area you love, near your job and your children's schools - and one where you could put your own stamp on it and make it your HOME isn't so easy. You can't just re-decorate/ knock down walls/ landscape a garden the way that you would want in a rented property. If anything goes wrong, you can't just get it sorted - you have to wait for the landlord or agents to sort it for you.

It's not just a matter of "Oh -we'll get somewhere that will do until everybody dies". That's awful in every respect - from the points of views of both parties.

Stuff any possible inheritance!

OP - this is your HOME!

Do not give it up - the money was a gift. Your family relationships are shot to buggery anyway. Your parents and DB will just walk all over you and you will lose all the security you have. PLEASE KEEP YOUR HOME AT ALL COSTS.

AlaskanOilBaron · 25/06/2019 18:08

I’m struggling to believe they could be so reckless/thoughtless.

Keep the gift and please do refer to it as such.

Sorry OP

GrumpyMiddleAgedWoman · 25/06/2019 18:09

YANBU, OP.

Once you have given £££ to your DC it is theirs. Obviously you would hope that if you fell on hard times later they would help you, but to demand the return of a gift so you can buy a holiday home is selfish, crazy and totally unreasonable.

blubberyboo · 25/06/2019 18:11

If they end up a nursing home all the money will be depleted in fees and you might never see it again

The only compromise I can suggest is that if you become a joint party to the holiday home.. and then live there permanently lol

I think you have to say no. They can give your brother back his share when they pass away if it’s still there.

They might be able to get a mortgage based on their pensions . They need to consult a mortgage broker. Some lenders will. Or they could get an equity release loan against their own home . One of them ones that gets paid back on death. They’ll need advice on it though as some can be dodgy. Do some research

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