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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Parents want inheritance back

862 replies

NeededtoNC · 25/06/2019 00:21

Ten years ago, my parents decided to gift me and my brother 100k each as early inheritance within the 7 year period.

With that I bought a house (with a mortgage). Still have 15 years left on the mortgage.

Now our parents want the inheritance back because they have decided they want to buy a summer home abroad.

DB is in a position to be able to as he’s well off.
However I am not and I’m barely able to keep up with the mortgage payments as it is.

In order to give back the money I’d need to sell. My parents are aware of this and have said that if I need help to pay rent, they’ll give it to me. But they want the lump sum in order to buy their holiday home.

AIBU to not give it to them?

OP posts:
sallievp · 25/06/2019 15:12

I feel for you op. What a shower of shit they are! I actually hope this gets picked up by the daily mail so they can see how unbelievably wrong they are!

IndieTara · 25/06/2019 15:19

Op you need to stay firm. Just say no

saraclara · 25/06/2019 15:26

Yep. I've had no inheritance, nor will I ever have any (not a complaint, just a fact) because everything my mum and my MIL owned and saved has gone in care fees. My mum had two houses and a fair amount of savings. but it's all gone since her massive stroke ten years ago. At £5-6k a month, it doesn't last long. We sold MIL's house when she ran out of liquid funds two years ago, and I think all the proceeds of that have gone too.

So there's absolutely no security in thinking that you'll get reimbursed later. They need to know that.

Oliversmumsarmy · 25/06/2019 15:37

All those thinking that the op might miss out on a larger inheritance need to get their minds round the fact unless her dps get killed together in a car accident or have simultaneous heart attacks whilst dancing the light fandango there probably won’t be any inheritance or what she will get in years from now will not pay to get into a property that op could have afforded if she hadn’t paid for her dps holiday home.

For everyone who thinks they are going to inherit don’t bank on it.

You might die before them and also with care home fees and bad investments or one parent dying then the other remarrying

Go out and make your own money.

Ultimately you will make more than if you hang around waiting for someone to die

Darkcloudsandsunnydays · 25/06/2019 15:39

We have never had an inheritance nor a gift. We earned everything we have ourselves.

Somebody gave you a £100,000 !! That’s like winning the lottery. You should have invested it wisely and returned the capital.

You are not exactly grateful in fact it appears to have done untold damage on any earning capacity you may have had and given you a reliance on charity.

You now have any attitude shared with the majority of respondents that life owes you a living. Welcome to the poor house.

Darkcloudsandsunnydays · 25/06/2019 15:41

I would share a previous sentiment.

Never ever plan on receiving any inheritance..

prettybird · 25/06/2019 15:57

You should have invested it wisely and returned the capital.

Why? It was a gift Confused And any gift given early to avoid IHT has to be without conditions - so therefore zero need to "protect the capital" in order to be able to give it back if required Hmm. And the OP did invest it wisely - into a home.

NeededtoNC - just say, "Sorry, No can do. We don't have the money and we're not selling our home". Worst they can do is write you out of their will - but who's to say a) that they won't anyway and b) that there will be anything left in the will (bad investments, care home fees.....) Doesn't seem like they really care about you anyway if their "solution" to their holiday home crisis is to force their own dd and her family to give up their home. Angry

JellyBabiesSaveLives · 25/06/2019 15:57

They’re asking you to sell your only home and give them 100k so they can buy a second home. Err, no Mum & Dad, I don’t want to.

They think they’re entitled to this gift from you because they once gave you a large gift. But gift giving doesn’t work like that. In any case, they gave you a gift when they had lots of money and could easily afford it without sacrificing anything.

I would suggest you try not to get into arguments and discussions. Say no, I’m not going to do that. Put phone down, walk away. If they fall out with you, enjoy the peace.

PicnicAtHangingRock · 25/06/2019 15:57

Oh look! How charming. It seems the OP’s family have arrived on the scene.

sunshinesupermum · 25/06/2019 15:57

darkclouds you should have invested the money and paid the capital back? It was a G I F T!

She used it for a home for her family - best 'investment' she could make.

Mainlandeurope · 25/06/2019 15:58

Dark clouds the op did invest wisely, she put the money into her property - she hardly gambled it all away did she? How on Earth is she reliant on charity??

NauseousMum · 25/06/2019 15:59

What are you talking sbout Darkcloudsandsunnydays?
She did invest it wisely in secure living through a mortgage. It was a gift so much like a lotto win she doesn't need to return it as she's the owner.

Mainlandeurope · 25/06/2019 15:59

Cross posted with ten other stunned people who can't believe Dark clouds pov!

merrymouse · 25/06/2019 16:04

Never ever plan on receiving any inheritance

The OP has not received an inheritance, the OP has received a gift.

Whether you or anyone else thinks gifts are immoral is irrelevant to the fact that when you give somebody a gift it becomes their property and you have no right to ask for it back.

ShartGoblin · 25/06/2019 16:05

We have never had an inheritance nor a gift. We earned everything we have ourselves.

Same here, glad I managed to do it without becoming bitter over someone else's fortune though.

I'm not sure why you think she should be grateful, returning this gift would incur massive costs for both parties as many have pointed out. There's also nothing wrong with her "earning capacity", she just can't afford to give away 100k, can you?

In the same position, only an idiot would invest 100k and continue renting.

CookieDoughKid · 25/06/2019 16:07

I think your parents live on another planet. Stand your ground. You owe them nothing.

NeverTwerkNaked · 25/06/2019 16:09

How have you got from the Op that she is "dependent on charity dark clouds ? What a strange post.

Hope you are ok Op. I too am worried that some crappy gutter journalist might try and use this thread as "news" because they lack the skill or motivation to find real news. Hopefully not but you might want to discuss with Mumsnet op

MotherOfDragonite · 25/06/2019 16:09

A gift is a gift -- the giver can't just ask for it back. They shouldn't have given it away if there was any chance that they would want it in future.

OP, if your parents said that they would be prepared to help you with rent -- can't they use that money to rent a holiday home for themselves?

PonderingPanda · 25/06/2019 16:10

WTF are you on about Darkcloudsandsunnydays

You are seriously weird!

EggWrap · 25/06/2019 16:11

If OPs parents have lost such a huge amount of money, then I'd be tempted to tell them you don't trust them with any large sums again, and maybe they should consider giving you power of attorney.

MotherOfDragonite · 25/06/2019 16:11

darkclouds, I can see that you've never been given any gifts, because you clearly have no understanding of the concept.

NoSquirrels · 25/06/2019 16:15

Somebody gave you a £100,000 !! That’s like winning the lottery. You should have invested it wisely and returned the capital.

Like you said - they gave it to the OP. As in - I am giving you £100K, it now belongs to you.

Not as in - I am asking you to invest this £100K on my behalf but you can keep the profits.

Hard of thinking. If OP bought a house with it they would almost certainly have signed something saying this £100K was a gift. Not a loan. You can’t retrospectively impose terms.

mummmy2017 · 25/06/2019 16:19

I think you just have to stand firm
I used the gift for a house.
As a gift there was mention of it being returned.
Then ask if brother could maybe buy them it as an Investment ..
I think your going to find your Brother never gets his money back as it will be spent.

Figgygal · 25/06/2019 16:20

Wow they're callous buggers

User8888888 · 25/06/2019 16:22

Other than one or two posters everyone has said keep the money. I agree.

Your parents made a conscious decision to gift you and your brother large sums of money. Once that decision has been made, you can’t go back on it, particularly a decade later when financial decisions have been made based on the gift.

I suspect (like others) your brother has not touched the capital but invested but I wouldn’t believe everything (well anything!) that your parents say as they have proven to be very untrustworthy.

Your relationship is in tatters now whatever happens. You should prioritise your family unit over your parents. Don’t appease them now on the promise of future inheritance that may never materialise. If you gave them the money you’d never forgive them for forcing you to sell your home.

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