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AIBU?

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Original poster

Parents want inheritance back

862 replies

NeededtoNC · 25/06/2019 00:21

Ten years ago, my parents decided to gift me and my brother 100k each as early inheritance within the 7 year period.

With that I bought a house (with a mortgage). Still have 15 years left on the mortgage.

Now our parents want the inheritance back because they have decided they want to buy a summer home abroad.

DB is in a position to be able to as he’s well off.
However I am not and I’m barely able to keep up with the mortgage payments as it is.

In order to give back the money I’d need to sell. My parents are aware of this and have said that if I need help to pay rent, they’ll give it to me. But they want the lump sum in order to buy their holiday home.

AIBU to not give it to them?

OP posts:
willowmelangell · 25/06/2019 11:01

A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.
Don't you dare give away your home on some vague speculation of a possible future inheritance.
Sit tight and weather the storm.
Good luck x

m00rfarm · 25/06/2019 11:03

I live in Portugal and work with houses. My advice would be for them to find a lovely house to rent and NOT purchase. Purchase brings with it a lot of headaches, and renting leaves all the headaches with the owner. You can get lovely long term rentals from 600 euros per month going up until 3500 euros per month. And it then means that they have more options if they decide they want to move to another area after 1 year. Buying abroad at the moment is a pain, lots of bureaucracy, and unless someone really knows an area, they are usualy disappointed when they realise that i ti s NOT they way they expected it to be. We have some fabulous luxury three bed apartments, with indoor pools, gym, sea views, next to the beach for 1700 euros per month plus utilities. Underfloor heating, air conditioning - fully furnished, lots of bathrooms. It is VERY expensive to have a holiday home with the repairs, the taxes and everything else that needs to be considered. It is really a money pit and do they need that sort of stress at their age? If you would like more information on rentals in the Algarve, or just to chat through considerations, please let me know !

Bluerussian · 25/06/2019 11:05

Don't give the money back! It's dreadful that you have been asked. It was a gift and part of your inheritance. Your parents don't need a holiday home abroad - you need your home here.

It's just too outrageous, I'm fuming on your behalf. In a million years I cannot begin to imagine asking for money back that I had freely given to my child. I'm sure you wouldn't either. Parents don't do that!

m00rfarm · 25/06/2019 11:05

Or they just rent over the winter period (October through to May for example). They prices are really cheap and they can go to a different property and location every year :)

Jaxhog · 25/06/2019 11:06

Do they really expect you to SELL your only home to do this? So they can buy a holiday home! This is beyond callous.

You certainly have no legal requirement to do this - a gift is a gift is a gift.

If they really want to live abroad part of the year, why can't they use the rent from their main residence to fund it? No need to buy a second home. Oh wait, I bet it's ok for YOU to risk them not getting rent, but not for them. Utterly, utterly selfish.

BBQsAreSooooOverrated · 25/06/2019 11:07

I sympathise that your parents have lost money on a bad business investment, however expecting you to sell your sole home so they can buy a summer home is bonkers and selfish.
I would not be selling or remortgaging.
I should imagine there was paperwork drawn up about the 100k when you got the mortgage because of money laundering.

LetsSplashMummy · 25/06/2019 11:09

If they hadn't given it to you, they'd probably have lost it in their bad business scheme. Just because you did something more sensible with the money than them doesn't mean you owe them it back.

I'd try and come up with a way to help them buy a holiday home but making it clear that you selling your house isn't an option. Maybe they could rent the holiday home out, thus paying a mortgage on it? Maybe they can look at cheaper areas? Where are they looking to buy the holiday home? It's not a great time for UK people to be buying in Europe.

yeahokright · 25/06/2019 11:09

Jesus, that's awful. I can't believe they would do that to you. So sorry, sounds horribly stressful. I would not give a penny back.

Ninabean17 · 25/06/2019 11:11

I can't believe what's happening here! Say no op, no no and no again. It was a gift, not only that but to be aware of the situation it would put you in to give it back its just astounding they would even ask.

CiarCel · 25/06/2019 11:11

My advice would be for them to find a lovely house to rent and NOT purchase

THIS.

What is the point of them paying your rent for you when they can just rent holiday homes abroad and have a whole lot less stress for all concerned?

They are awful to have done this to you. Keep your house - it's the one sure thing you've got, because you certainly can't rely on your family.

edwinbear · 25/06/2019 11:14

I've been in a similar situation OP and I really feel for you. When my DF died, he left money for DSis and I. He had separated from my DM and set up home with a mistress, to whom he left his share of the marital home (which was owned as tenants in common rather than joint). DM had to sell the family home in order to pay the mistress off, but ultimately was left with a mortgage free 5 bed house, a substantial pension and six figure sum in the bank. According to DM it was my fault the house was moved from joint ownership to tenants in common, because as a 15 year old child, I had expressed concern about inheritance tax. So in order to appease me, they sought tax planning advice and changed the house ownership structure. In DM's eyes therefore, it is entirely my fault, that DF was able to leave half 'her' house to his mistress.

She asked DSis and I to hand over our modest inheritances too, which she genuinely believes belong to her, both legally and morally. DSis (golden child) is very wealthy and happily handed it over. DH had just been made redundant with little prospect of ever earning a similar salary again and I was at home on maternity leave with a 12 week old DD and a 2.5yr DS.

I refused, and am now NC with both DM and DSis, who think I'm a repulsive human being who has effectively stolen from DM. As it turned out, I was also made redundant 4 yrs later and it took 2 yrs for me to get back to the same salary level. My inheritance was vital in keeping our heads above water during that time. DM just wanted it to sit in her bank account for her to count.

I absolutely think you should refuse to make yourself homeless to fund their holiday home, but be prepared for them to cut you off. Although that may not be such a bad thing.

RomanyQueen · 25/06/2019 11:14

Tell them you've spent it on the house and don't have it anymore as it was a gift.

Sunshine1235 · 25/06/2019 11:15

Give what they’ve done I don’t think there is anyway you want to put yourself where you’re in a position where you rely on them for rent. That would be madness. As others have said your relationship is damaged now anyway so I would hold on to your home

CiarCel · 25/06/2019 11:15

I have just remembered that my friend's dad tried this with him and his brother some years ago. They both told him "no way"! If he had really needed it, of course, but for holiday homes etc.? No. It's a shame your brother is not on your side on this but stick to your guns.

viccat · 25/06/2019 11:18

No way! Maybe if you had the money sitting in the bank or stocks & shares or something but it's your HOME.

I wouldn't trust them to continue helping you with rent if it came to that anyway. And anyway house prices may well go up so selling your home now would be such a bad decision.

If they definitely need this second home, can't they use some sort of an equity release arrangement? I know those are usually a terrible idea but better than asking their child to sell a home to give a gift back...

Soubriquet · 25/06/2019 11:22

No no no no and no

Do not give up your secure home. Yeah you could get an inheritance when they pass, but there is no guarantee you would have enough to buy a new home.

It’s disgusting they are even asking this

Starlight456 · 25/06/2019 11:23

I would say no it is tidied up now ( in the place where you live )

Tell them to sell their own house and rent if it’s such a great idea.

It was a gift not a loan and unfortunately you are not in a position to loan them 100k

BlueberryFool123 · 25/06/2019 11:23

My in-laws did this. Gave my dH 50 % of his deposit for his first flat as a gift.

When we got married they decided not to contribute to wedding or give us a gift as the deposit was our gift.

We came to move house. My DBil was getting divorced. My in-laws demanded the deposit back and 50% of the equity - 100k.

I wanted to say no, but my DH felt he couldn’t. We had to buy a smaller house and take bigger mortgage.

Since then they’ve tried to give us money for other things and for children. I have refused every penny. They honestly say I’m unreasonable and they never gifted original deposit and it was always loan.

Don’t do it. Say it was a gift.

ErrmWTAF · 25/06/2019 11:25

Are they on glue?

QueSera · 25/06/2019 11:25

It's a massive NO from me. YANBU to refuse. You don't have the money, and selling up and renting is a massive upheaval in your life. They made their decision several years ago, they can't change their mind now.

I can't honestly understand where they get the gall to ask this of you. It's so unfair on you. I hope you can stand your ground. Are they generally nice people? This is certainly not something that nice parents would do to their children.

sunshinesupermum · 25/06/2019 11:26

I wouldn't dream of asking for the money back. That is appalling all the more so as you would be homeless and reliant on them helping pay your rent, WTF?

Even if it means a family breakdown you need to stand firm now - the suggestion that they rent rather than buy a holiday home is eminently sensible at their age.

Justaregularmum · 25/06/2019 11:30

Do they have form for this kind of behaviour? Or is it out of character? As per a previous poster -could they be being pressured into a ‘scam’. You say they had a previous investment which went wrong so might they be an easy target? Either way DO NOT give back the money!!!

FizzyGreenWater · 25/06/2019 11:32

Jesus fuck.

Walk away.

They aren't worth staying in touch with anyway - how would you be able to work back from this one anyway.

And your brother is a piece of dog crap, clearly, so no loss there.

LoeweHammockBuyItDoIt · 25/06/2019 11:35

Don't, as heddagarbled suggests, put the house on the market with the intention of not accepting any offers. You will be eroded bit by bit if you do that. They'll feel YOU"VE let them down if you do that. They'll feel YOU are the one who changed the goalposts if you do that. Definitely do not even put the house on the market with no intention of selling it.

Bookworm4 · 25/06/2019 11:38

@BlueberryFool123
That’s appalling, why did your DH give them 50% equity? That behaviour is unforgivable,they cost you £ there was no benefit to the ‘loan’