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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Parents want inheritance back

862 replies

NeededtoNC · 25/06/2019 00:21

Ten years ago, my parents decided to gift me and my brother 100k each as early inheritance within the 7 year period.

With that I bought a house (with a mortgage). Still have 15 years left on the mortgage.

Now our parents want the inheritance back because they have decided they want to buy a summer home abroad.

DB is in a position to be able to as he’s well off.
However I am not and I’m barely able to keep up with the mortgage payments as it is.

In order to give back the money I’d need to sell. My parents are aware of this and have said that if I need help to pay rent, they’ll give it to me. But they want the lump sum in order to buy their holiday home.

AIBU to not give it to them?

OP posts:
MRex · 25/06/2019 10:23

It's so unusual that I'd be worried there's something else going on, that someone is trying to scam them (timeshare, must get in on X date or you miss out etc).

Anyway, of course you don't sell your home to return a gift, how ridiculous. They can adjust their will to give you £100k less than your brother (before inheritance tax, not after). They can also take out money as a charge on their existing property if they're really desperate. As I say though, I'd be worried they're being scammed, it's an awful time to buy abroad and they'd be far better off renting.

Inniu · 25/06/2019 10:24

No mum and Dad I will not sell my home to gift you a holiday house.

Oliversmumsarmy · 25/06/2019 10:25

This statement from your opening post made me laugh

In order to give back the money I’d need to sell. My parents are aware of this and have said that if I need help to pay rent, they’ll give it to me

Given the £100,000 gift that they want back does anyone actually believe the help will not be there once they get their hands on the money.

How would that even work?

Firstly they will be out of the country possibly 6 months of the year so don’t expect them to do anything at all in those 6 months. They will probably expect you to down size to a studio flat. Why would you need any bigger and if you don’t go into a studio and need help with the rent it won’t be forthcoming because you have been profligate and gone for more than you need.

If they haven’t got the money to buy a holiday home, how are they going to afford to help you out with rent for the next 20-30 years.
They do know the cost of renting is more than a mortgage

Oliversmumsarmy · 25/06/2019 10:27

Can we ask what was the investment where they lost so much money?

It didn’t involve a Nigerian Prince

alltheteainchinajustisntenough · 25/06/2019 10:29

Don’t be swayed by emotion and see it for what it is - They’re not asking you for THEIR money back. It was given to you. It’s YOUR money. They’re asking you to GIVE them £100k, under the pretence of essentially a LOAN to be repaid to you upon their death, which no one can guarantee would even exist.

£100k is money you don’t have.

They are being outrageously CF and you must stand your ground.

Good luck OP, this must be dreadful for you xxxxx

Drum2018 · 25/06/2019 10:31

Don't sell your home. They will not follow through with their ridiculous promise to pay rent for you as they will no doubtedly fuck up their finances again and need their cash. And where would that leave you? Why don't they sell up, and piss off abroad for good? They can have a permanent holiday using the funds from selling their current home.

Your relationship is damaged either way. If you don't give the money back they'll be pissed off and if you do give it back you will resent them forever more. I doubt I'd ever speak to them again if forced to sell up. They are unbelievably selfish to turn around and ask for the gift back. I assume it was noted as a gift when buying your house and getting your mortgage. They cannot force you to return it. Don't give in.

As for your brother, what he chooses to do is irrelevant to your situation so suggestions of speaking to him are also irrelevant, especially as you don't have anything to do with one another. Don't engage in discussion with your parents about him and his decision to pay them back. That's between them alone.

HawthornLantern · 25/06/2019 10:33

Crayolaa

Why would the parents have been taxed a penny on giving the money in the first place? It is the recipient who might get taxed, not the giver. And there should be no tax under the 7 year rule.

Also, if the parents were to die within 7 years of getting "their" money back there could well be tax implications for the children.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 25/06/2019 10:34

Next thing you know, once you are dependent on them again you will be picking up all the caring responsibilities

This ... and your impression that they like to play power games and the remark "you'll get it when we die" just adds to it

It seems clear your whole relationship's about to change drastically, so you might as well hang onto your home and at least have the security. There really doesn't seem much else to do

saraclara · 25/06/2019 10:36

Get some free legal advice, then use it as your reason why you're really sorry, but it's something that you're not allowed to do.

Lasteleven · 25/06/2019 10:37

Wow, this is awful OP.

If they are this capricious then what's to say you would end up getting the inheritance anyway? And what happens if they also change their mind about helping you with rent because they'd rather spend that money on their holidays too?

It's really difficult when it's likely to involve a huge amount of bad feeling, but I can't see any justification for taking away your home. However you think about it, I cannot see why anyone would think this is ok. I wouldn't even want to put a stranger in this position, never mind my own child.

I'd just try and be firm without getting into a row. It was gift not a loan, and they can't ask you for the money back, never mind asking you to give up the security of your home. As others say, maybe worth a visit to CAB or a solicitor to go through the legal situation in case they get nasty and try to take it further.

Huge sympathy to you OP.

Singlenotsingle · 25/06/2019 10:37

Absolutely ridiculous! No chance. It was a gift, not a loan. They'll just have to rent a holiday home, won't they? Shock

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 25/06/2019 10:37

I also would not sell. Your relationship is all but destroyed anyway so nothing to lose except your own security for you and your family if you comply.

MrsMozartMkII · 25/06/2019 10:39

NRTFT but my immediate response was bollox to that!

What parent in their right mind would do that to their child.

No! The money was gifted and it's been used, so it's gone. They can't have it back.

I'll never understand some people. Absolutely bloody barking.

regmover · 25/06/2019 10:40

Just say no. Don't put anything in writing that implies that you owe them anything. You can't afford to give them £100k and never will. That's it.

forumdonkey · 25/06/2019 10:41

Absolutely what TheSerenDipitY said. They're forcing you homeless so they can own two homes. Absolutely disgusting.

To rent my house would cost double my mortgage, so they'd be well out of pocket doing that.

If your DB is so happy to help, why doesn't he use the 100k and some more to buy the holiday home and just let them use it. He owns it, no arguments when they die and no claiming on it for care home fees etc.

They can't force you to sell your home.

Out of interest, are you single or do you have DC's?

Nousernameforme · 25/06/2019 10:41

I would add that they aren't just asking you for £100,000 of your own money. They are telling you to sell your actual home to give them money in order to pay for a holiday home. I would turn it around at them and ask them if they realise that is what they are doing.

And no I'm sorry this might be easy for me to say as i am not particularly attached to any of my lot. I would rather risk losing contact with them then risk losing a family home and stable life for my children.

mcmen71 · 25/06/2019 10:42

Pretend you are selling house but make it unsellable when there is a viewing say you can't afford state agent to sell it unless they pay.
Get emotional when they bring it up.
Are you close with your in-laws can you live without your mum and dad in your life.
Your db doesn't sound to be in your life anyway.
Can they not use the 100k he is giving them and go on a couple holidays a year without buying something.
Total horrible people why give it in the first place.
Now they are making you feel bad.

madcatladyforever · 25/06/2019 10:43

They gave you a gift 10 YEARS AGO and now want it back effectively making you homeless.
What kind of monsters are they? And for a stupid holiday home. Whats wrong with a caravan.
A gift is a gift, if someone gave me a borthday present 10 years ago I don't have to give it back.
Say no, they sound insane.

LaundryIsADisease · 25/06/2019 10:46

They sound awful OP. Just say no.

They have their head in the clouds if they think a holiday house abroad is a sensible thing to buy in their 70s. Far better to rent nice places. And as PP said can take years to sell later.

My Dad and step-mum bought a place in Spain in their early 60s. A modest place in a nice quiet area but still reasonable access from airports. Nearly twenty years later they've put it on the market twice and it's not sold. Now that their health is deteriorating as they get older they don't want to be so far away from a major hospital. They can't sell it. There are about thirty similar apartments for sale.

If your parents are already in their seventies it's a very bad idea.

SlothMama · 25/06/2019 10:46

Your parents are completely in the wrong, they shouldn't be offering out large sums of money and then asking for it back! I wouldn't dream of asking my child to sell their home in order to pay money back I had gifted them.

MegaClutterSlut · 25/06/2019 10:47

Absolutely do not sell your home. I can't believe for 1) they're asking for it and 2) they are happy with you selling your home for the sake of a holiday home. Shows you just how shitty they are. As others said, there are no guarantees you will get the money back and you'll be screwed. Tell them NO

Hyrana · 25/06/2019 10:53

I think you should just leave everything. Who really do you think you are? FFS

transformandriseup · 25/06/2019 10:54

Sorry not read the full thread but MIL owns property in Spain that DH won’t be able to inherit when she dies. You may end up with nothing if you hand over the money.

DishingOutDone · 25/06/2019 10:55

OP can you tell us how this ever came about? Was it that 10 years ago they were loving caring parents and wanted to help you? I find it hard to believe that people who wanted to gift you both £100k then have turned into such utterly greedy cunts now.

I think we need a bit more back story. But basically I'd hate to think that these people would benefit from your misery.

sunglasses123 · 25/06/2019 10:58

Have read most of the thread. To be fair there is a big difference between £100 and £200k. You will get a completely different property for £200k. However I agree with others that its an extremely bad idea to buy something abroad so late in life.

I have been on a couple of retirement seninars in the FTSE company I work for. They all say that come 75 plus most people want to stay at home. They might have some health issues etc that make travelling to another country a real pain, travel insurance will be expensive etc.

Don't they realise that you need to sell your only house so that they can have two houses???

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