Parents want inheritance back

[NeededtoNC]

Ten years ago, my parents decided to gift me and my brother 100k each as early inheritance within the 7 year period.

With that I bought a house (with a mortgage). Still have 15 years left on the mortgage.

Now our parents want the inheritance back because they have decided they want to buy a summer home abroad.

DB is in a position to be able to as he’s well off.
However I am not and I’m barely able to keep up with the mortgage payments as it is.

In order to give back the money I’d need to sell. My parents are aware of this and have said that if I need help to pay rent, they’ll give it to me. But they want the lump sum in order to buy their holiday home.

AIBU to not give it to them?

It was a gift - and no doubt made as a grandiloquent gesture eliciting much gratitude at the time. What I take from this thread is a message to parents not to splash the cash unless they are sure they won’t need it in their old age. Let your kids stand on their own two feet, take out their own loans, make their own way - unless you really can spare the money. You absolutely should not sell up to give them their money back - if your brother can afford to return it then lucky for him. But just like your parents when they gave you the money in the first place, he should have no expectation of it ever being returned. To be honest, if your parents would rather see you out of your home than forgo their holiday home or downscale their plans then you are better off falling out over it.

Oh OP, it's so difficult. I'd feel very hurt in your shoes. Either don't give them the money back because you've spent them (remind them that it wasn't a loan) or sell your property, give the money back and don't talk to them ever again.

YADNBU OP. Don't give them a penny.

Not your circus and all that.

If they can't afford the extra 100k, how will they fund all the travel overseas back and forth? What about funding repairs on the property, ground rent if shared etc? What if they're no longer fit enough to travel in 5 years time? Or get taken ill overseas and then can't afford the next year's insurance? Let alone tax!

It's rarely just buying a property. They'll want a car probably to get around, then you've got storage costs or taxis etc. Garden maintenance when they're not there.

Big fat wall of NOPE from me.

Also, what if they buy somewhere slightly off the beaten track and then the budget airline stops flying there? Happened to friends of my parents with their holiday home in Europe. Bought somewhere one of the airlines started flying to, were all boasty about how they could get there for £20 return and they'd picked up a bargain. Within 2 years the airline had stopped flying that route. Now they have to fly to a main hub which costs them far more, then hire a car and drive 3 hours to get to their house. Plus, their health has massively deteriorated and they are finding it an absolute bind.

Couldn't your brother buy a holiday home and let your parents use it? Or they could get shares in a timeshare, or just do longterm lets - that way they can travel too, don't need to be tied to the same place time after time.

I'm really sorry they've put you in this position. It's going to affect your relationship, whatever you do and however you handle it.

You have been paying the mortgage on your property for ten years. This is your home, not some short term investment property. Are they losing their minds?

I've read some jaw dropping threads on m n in the past , but this is just awful.
Could you approach a lawyer or the CAB to ask if there is anything you can do? Did you sign any paperwork when these transactions took place? It does seem very calculated of them ; are they aware you can't afford to pay them back without having to move home?
It's quite callous.

Getting the money back later is a massive red herring. As PP have said, no guarantee there will be anything left anyway but as my husband always says, its better to have the cash now then later. Money has a cumulative effect over your lifetime and having it sooner is better.

Even if gifting them 100k now did eventually mean you ended up getting, say double that in inheritance. the 100k is vasty vasty more valuable to you NOW. You parents could be alive for decades so this supposed inheritance could be coming to you when? in your 50s if you are lucky, more likely your 60s and what good is it then??

When you stand up to them, (and you will have to, it's insane that you should lose your house) remember that you are not alone. You have the backing of everyone on the thread reassuring you that you must do what is best for you right now, because nobody knows what the future holds.

It will be shit, but wishing you good luck - you are not alone.

Everyone else has already covered off the legal aspects of this.

I just wanted to say sorry you're being emotionally blackmailed the way you are - what a shitty, cruel thing to do. No-one needs a holiday home, but everyone needs the security of their own home. Given how that's an impossible dream for so many in recent years it beggars belief that they consider their leisure more important than your home. Please please please don't even think about relinquishing that in some way - whether by selling, remortgaging or whatever other harebrained suggestion they may make. You - and they - do not have a crystal ball and cannot possibly depend on throwaway promises to 'help' you until you 'inherit' (total unknown quantity), if and when that happens. 'Help' might be withdrawn at any moment, without notice, and there'd be nothing you could do.

I am so so angry for you and can only imagine how stressful and upsetting it must be. Unfortunately, your relationship with them is probably, almost certainly, irrevocably damaged now - whether they take umbrage at your refusal or not, because you will always know they were prepared to jeopardise your security for their entertainment. That's a huge thing to process but I honestly think losing a home of your own - quite possibly forever more - would be even more difficult to come to terms with emotionally, never mind the practical and financial considerations of renting for the rest of your life. Yes … I know many people have no choice about that, but the vast majority would choose their own property if they could. You do have a choice, and you owe them nothing.

Obviously most people are unanimously on your side OP and I agree your parents are obviously being very unreasonable.

I am just trying to think of a way of salvaging your relationship though as they are your parents and whilst they're not being reasonable now thier heart was obviously in the right place when they gave you the money originally.

Firstly, I think you need to talk to them about what they're asking you to do, is not reasonable at all, do you have any dependents? The main issue is that with house price inflation by the time they die you may not get back on the housing ladder even with the inheritance (which care home fees may wipe out).

The only solution which may solve the problem is if your brother and you also became joint owners in the house and a mortgage was taken out with yours and his income taken into account. Then the rent from their house covers the mortgage costs.

But obviously your brother would have to be prepared and able to do that.

Sending you hugs op

Are they hassling you for a decision have you actually said anything to them yet?

This is really weird. It was a gift, surely, not a loan that they might need back one day?

People really shouldn't give money unless they can definitely afford to lose it.

Not RTFT, but did they get taxed a load on gifting that sum 10 years ago.

Oh, and YANBU. It's ludicrous.

Just tell them you spent it, so you don't have it any more.

If they ask you to sell your home, tell then they can sell theirs.

Absolutely not. Don't move, don't give them anything. It was their choice to give you a gift and you spent it sensibly on your stable home. Just ignore the issue and hopefully it will blow over. I do hope so for your sake. Poor you, this is a horrible thing for them to do.

Wow, that’s a fucking shitty thing for them to do.

I questioned whether this is real as it probably one of the most ridiculous situations I've read about on MN.

Assuming it is, of course you should keep the money, it was a gift and one which allowed you to own your own home. I can't believe anyone would happily return such a gift and your brothers actions seem to have aided their cause and put you under additional pressure to return the money without considering what effect this will have on you and your family.

Your parents are being beyond cruel. Don't give in to them under any circumstances.

I do find this very odd indeed. ON the two occasions that we have received small (I mean small!) legacies, we divided them into 4 and we and our 3 DDs had a share each. It helped them with their home deposits.

We are now in a difficult financial situation as my OH is disabled and needs full time care, and the cost of this is going to cripple us. But no way would I ask for the money back from my DDs!!!!

I am surprised that they take the view that you will get it in the end anyway when they die. My view is that I want to see them enjoy the money while I am alive!

This is a truly unkind act on their part and I am surprised that they can be so glib about you having to sell their home.

If they do buy their holiday home abroad, I would not overly exert yourself to traipse over for visits.

sorry.....YOUR home.

This is absolutely shocking. What parent in their right mind would leave their child homeless in order to buy a holiday home they don't actually need? Are they crazy??? They actually expect you to sell your home so they can fund a holiday property???? That is probably the most cruel, selfish and batshit thing I have ever read on here. You must be so hurt OP. You cannot sell your home. End of. How can they even think of doing this to you? Disgusting people. Where are they expecting you to live then??? Are they happy to leave you living in a bedsit or something while they go swanning off on holidays at your expense??

Your parents, OP, are insane. 100K is a lot of money. Are they in their right mind?
Just tell them to fuck off and don't give them anything back. They have put you in a very difficult position by gifting the money and demanding it all back. How selfish of them. I'd be very hurt and stop talking to them till they apologise. And seriously, they're going to be fine without the fucking holiday house. To them the holiday house is more important then the relationship between them and their children. Pathetic parents.

Ask them directly where exactly they expect you to live if you sell your HOME to fund their jollies. Do they realise they will be basically fucking your life up?

I guess your relationship with your parents is never going to be the same whether they back off or proceed with demands. They want a fucking holiday house!

OMG when you think you've heard it all. Please, please don't do this, don't sit down and negotiate, don't get drawn into any further discussion about it, just say no. Rent would definitely be more than your mortgage, they wouldn't pay and you would be so much worse off. Please don't let it be stressful, it is outrageous that they have asked this I am as shocked as everyone else here.

You can’t ask for gifts back.

And being as they seem to invest unwisely there is no guarantee you’ll get anything back. There’s no guarantee anyway.