To feel envious of people that can afford holidays?

[Ella1980]

I'm a full-time TA and my fiancé works in social care ft. Just feel so sad that we can't afford to take the kids away. Ex earns £105k+ pa so at least they'll get a holiday with him. Anybody else in a similar position? It just feels so unfair but I feel selfish for feeling jealous of not getting a break with the family 😢

@Ella1980 have you considered joining a babysitting agency ? Two of my friends one social worker one working in mental health do this as top up money. Or extra SEN care work through an agency?

OP I have had to take a big drop in pay too as I am now too disabled/ill to do my previous job. All you can do is make the best of it. But you are allowed to be fed up with it sometimes.

I don’t mean this unkindly but ... you have made choices. You’re prioritising a less stressful job and more time with your children over having holidays away. Which is a perfectly reasonable decision, but you need to own it. Would you rather still be teaching and be able to afford holidays? I’m guessing not, otherwise you’d be doing it still.

I’m a teacher, I completely get how you feel, the endless pressure. I’ve stuck with it; you’ve made a perfectly valid but different decision. There’s a trade off with everything.

You may be able to get something cheap. Go on sites like groupon. I was on there a couple of days ago and there were glamping pods in the countryside for £30 per night. I’m up north so obviously depends where you’re based. Or go on Airbnb for coastal holidays where you can get places cheap. I actually prefer holidays in the U.K. if you can get half decent weather.

But you're not with him anymore so how does that have any bearing on you're career now?

I don’t think private renting precludes you from house swapping - homeexchange.com says it is ok.

My holidays are courtesy of the sun holidays for £9.50.
All my son wants is a good pool and the 2p arcades, but I dream of the day when I can take him abroad

I'm gonna sound like one of the 4 Yorkshire men here but I haven't had a holiday for 10years now unbelievably! & it'll be some while yet before I do. I just don't have the funds. End of.

Would you consider part time teaching? You could earn approx £15,000 by working a 3 day week.

@Gatoadigrado I get that. But most ft teachers probably have their kids all/most of the time? I only get mine every other week. Only allowed one call between 6 and 7 on a Wednesday. So time is precious with my boys. I lost all of that when teaching.

How are you at budgeting? Do you have the best deals on utilities? Do you menu plan?
If you could save a little a month, you may be able to save enough in 2 yrs to have a holiday.

@RobertSmithdoesmyhair Part-time teaching jobs are extremely rare. And then they only want NQT'S as a rule. I've applied for loads but I'm too expensive.

I mean this kindly OP but you need to get a new focus, a new dream. I was training to be a nurse and was almost qualified when I met my ds df and fell pregnant and ended up in and abusive relationship I didn't end up returning to nursing but ultimately I've found a new passion as a swimming teacher and in hindsight I dont think I would have still be a nurse had a qualified 10 years down the line, I love my job, dont live in the pass move forward find a new focus and something you love doing.

I gave up everything to have the kids. Including my career.

But you say you have up because it made you unwell, not to have kids.

I think yabu to be angry at your ex. There are so many things you could do if you want a holiday that badly, book in advance eg. Jet2 and pay off over a longer time, save, do the sun holidays... you've both chosen careers that don't pay well so you just have to prioritise and having a holiday isn't a right like some people seem to believe.

Me and DH have reasonably paid jobs but with student loans, car loan, mortgage, nursery fees and all the other stuff we don't have a load of spare cash so for this years holiday we booked a year in advance and paid off monthly, next year we'll get the sun offer and do a week at a haven site once or twice.

clutterqu33n

no wind up its what we get

we got 2 kids on high care high mobility each and 2 adults on carers allowance each

we have a big 3 bedroom and thats £500 a month but we
get full rent and council tax paid for us

monthly we get
dla x2
carers allowance x2
income support x4
tax credits x4 but included a massive bonus per week because of the kids dla
round the lot up per month its works out roughly £755 per week

i live in a little welsh village in mid wales and around here that amount of money is a lot

we dont drink,smoke or pay anything for childcare or any school expenses

me and my partner are literally what my user name says

We do all of that. We don't go out, I don't have haircuts etc... We did have a wedding booked but that's cancelled to save money 😊

I think you are allowed to be envious, it's human nature. Be kind to yourself as you are doing the best to parent and keep sane.

If you really want to go abroad, start a savings account. If you're not already, use your weekends to eBay, car boot, etc to raise some funds. It is achievable.

What about supply teaching?

We couldn’t afford holidays when our dc were little. Not many of our friends with dc the same age could either, so it was just normal. Everyone was skint after paying the mortgage and bills. We used to have loads of fun at home during the holidays, though and I look back on those days fondly and hopefully my children will, too. We used to have loads of sleepovers, friends over, movie nights, days at the beach, weekends with our families and in the forest etc.. (as a TA you must have loads of ideas and resources). I thought at the time and still think that a holiday overseas in reality probably would have been more stressful than being at home when they were young. We bought a tent when they were about 7 and gradually accumulated equipment over the years and have had lots of fun camping holidays. Definitely as others have said as they get older, it becomes easier to work more hours and save up for holidays. It has for us.

I doubt if those parroting about life choices and suggesting ways of earning more money are helping the OP to feel any better.

If @Ella1980 has been in an abusive marriage and been in a job that made her unwell I think she's only human in feeling fed up seeing her ex play Disney dad when she'd like to be able to treat her children.

I understand where you're coming from: I can't afford a huge amount either (single parent, 2 kids, and I work FT as a nurse - but only around their childcare times). After looking up the price of Butlins (I thought it would be cheap!), I plumped for taking them camping. Saved up to get the camping things we needed and now we just go on camping trips around the UK. Sometimes a couple of nights away (weekends), sometimes longer (during school holidays). Would this be something you could look into?

YANBU, being jealous is fine as long as you don't resent others having holidays and think that you should be entitled to them, then jealousy is fine. I probably think this because I last had a holiday six years ago and it was a weekend in Paris paid for by lovely friends who did it as a celebration of me not having smoked for a year. I had no idea they were going to do it and it was bloody lovely of them and the break was also bloody lovely.

The chances of me being able to afford any sort of holiday at all in the next however many years is low to laugh in your face unlikely. I get jealous of other people's holidays whilst also being really happy for them that they are getting to go somewhere lovely and have a great time of it. It sucks not being able to go away somewhere and experience different things.

@Snappedandfarted2019 does it pay well? Not that I can swim lol!

@ilovesooty I don’t think someone who has their children 50% of the time can really be called a Disney dad?

Op I get it, it’s hard and you’re jealous and resent your ex but realistically all that’s doing is upsetting you.

It’s obviously your call but if you don’t have your kids every other week and have the time off that comes with being a ta then surely doing babysitting a few times a month would get you that holiday?

My cousin has gone part time in her standard job and picks up Weekend security gigs in order to facilitate treats and holidays. I used to do my full time job and home deliveries for a takeaway 3 nights a week to facilitate mine. Ultimately you do what you have to do.

So go start a multimillion pound business. Envy will only make you feel worse. God knows, you are probably making yourself poorer with you ‘can’t afford’ it mentality. There is no such thing as can’t afford. Only won’t make the effort to earn at the risk of failing.