To feel envious of people that can afford holidays?

[Ella1980]

I'm a full-time TA and my fiancé works in social care ft. Just feel so sad that we can't afford to take the kids away. Ex earns £105k+ pa so at least they'll get a holiday with him. Anybody else in a similar position? It just feels so unfair but I feel selfish for feeling jealous of not getting a break with the family 😢

I am sorry you feel sad about this, but it's the price you pay for choosing to work for less money than you have the capacity to earn.

I am a teacher and I understand the stress, but have you tried: working part time? Changing schools and working in a private school? Changing phase or key stage? Private tutoring for the 11+? MovIng into SEN specialism?

I guess also you have a degree if you're a teacher- if you don't want to teach what about education outreach? Retraining?

You either accept that you won't have a holiday because you don't earn enough and move on from it, or look at ways to increase your income stream using your qualifications.

@Babyroobs Courts ruled 50:50 so he doesn't pay me a penny. Never has done.

I'd be OK with it if my fiancé and I weren't in work etc but we both work ft yet still not doable!

you work full time term time but you have 16 weeks holiday whilst a normal office worker usual has 4, i e. you have 3 months extra where you don't work on top of a 'normal' annual leave. can you get extra work during the school hols to earn some extra cash or change into a 'proper' (that is all year round) full time job. that would significantly push your wage. Many people cannot afford holidays despite working all available hours. my friend is self employed in the gig economy and has 1 day a week where he doesn't work. you have it soon much better in comparison b

You're choosing a less stressful job over extras like holidays. Life choices.

YANBU to feel envious but YABU to feel anger at your ex because he earns well and treat your kids holidays!

I do sympathise and I appreciate holidays are a luxury but if you have every other week child free and work 8-4 then you could do something ad hoc those evenings to make some holiday money.

If kids are away with ex then you only need enough for you and your DP to get an air B and B or a caravan.

Or take the kids camping if you can borrow the gear.

Never been abroad but we do 3 holidays a year. Just caravan sites on the beach. This year it's Wales, Great Yarmouth and Kent. All 3 holidays cost less than £500. Spending money is about £200 each week but we have time to save for it!

My late H and I couldn't afford holidays but my daughter and her now ex took us away a few times and we helped with childcare. They would usually have 3?4 holidays a year, one long haul and then European ones, plus several long weekend trips. The kids were his, not hers so they had plenty of time to travel.

She's remarried now and still has two holidays every year, one long haul and one in Europe. It's a priority to her, they both gave up smoking, and live in a rented house to afford those holidays.

you would hate us we dont work but are 24 hour carers to 2 disabled children so our money comes from that and truthfully its a lot per week between the 4 of us but i take it that we deserve the money as we dont even get 1 hour off and no one professional is involved with either child or no school for them to go to we go away every 4-5 weeks but dont do term time or summer holidays

this must be a windup. we have a child with severe learning diffs + ASD, and a younger child under assessment, DP works full time, I work 20h and we haven't been able to afford a holiday in over a decade, no luxuries, no days out or meals out. we cannot. disability benefits are not that much.

I feel the same OP. Not been on holiday in 5 years!! I’m a SAHM at the minute. My partner earns a comfortable wage but we own our own home by the time we pay the mortgage, the bills, food, clothes and car costs there isn’t much left and holidays seem impossible.

It is common that people who go on holidays cannot actually afford it though. My mum went on four holidays last year yet is in 40 grands with of credit card debit from going on holidays and spending over her means years ago!!

We are thinking of going on a weekend break to a holiday site about an hour away from us just to get away. We plan to go on a Friday after DS finishes school and stay til the Monday so he only had to have 1 day off school! Better than nothing I guess 🤣 we can’t afford to go away in the school holidays plus DS couldn’t deal with places being busy.

I’ve just read your sen TA. How fab. DS has autism and I admire all the TA’s he’s had since he’s started school. They are amazing!!

We have only just started being able to afford holidays in the last couple of years and our kids are teens now! To be honest we didn't mind not having holidays too much. We did take time off work and did days out instead and everyone was happy with that. Did camping once a year too for 3 or 4 nights and the kids loved that (went with groups of friends to make it more fun for them). We done a few holidays abroad but in all honesty they aren't as amazing as I expected. Sure it's a break from day to day life but with kids holidays are never entirely relaxing.

@ButtercupGirI I am angry that he doesn't have to pay anything in the way of maintenence, yes. I gave up everything to have the kids. Including my career.

Most people work and save up for op. You can work more if you wish so you could earn more to save to go away.

Why should he pay maintenance he hasn't them 50.percent of the time though? He will be paying when he has them in his car half the time, no?

@Desmondo2016 A job that made me very, very unwell.

yes. I gave up everything to have the kids. Including my career.

Which was your choice?
What career?

How about house swapping?

@Oneminuteandthenallgone Primary teacher.

It's just wasted effort to spend time worrying about what your ex is up to though. Spend it doing something else positive instead.

@Desmondo2016 A job that made me very, very unwell.

Then you didn't give up your career for your children? You gave it up as you were unwell? Fine. but not the same

@Chewbecca it's privately rented.

At least your DCs get holidays. Do you have any friends you could go and visit in another part of the country when your DCs are with their father? We do this and it means we do get a break.

You hardly gave up you're career if you're a qualified teacher it's not you're ex's fault you're unhappy in youre chosen profession. Theres plenty of time to retrain in something else or go in a different field.

Also camping if you go to a basic site can be cheap.

A decade of abuse and no support meant that I couldn't give what was expected of me as a ft teacher.