To feel envious of people that can afford holidays?

[Ella1980]

I'm a full-time TA and my fiancé works in social care ft. Just feel so sad that we can't afford to take the kids away. Ex earns £105k+ pa so at least they'll get a holiday with him. Anybody else in a similar position? It just feels so unfair but I feel selfish for feeling jealous of not getting a break with the family 😢

He obviously didn’t have any right to lock you out the matrimonial home but you say that you left above and took one of your sons. So that’s a bit inconsistent to say he left you with nothing when you left him. It does take a while to get a divorce settlement and it sounds like you got quite a substantial amount even if it wasn’t as much as you wanted.

So time to move on. You’re lucky that your ex does 50/50. Gives you more time if you want to earn more for a holiday. But apparently youve already been on one anyway.

He tried to take second son also.

How can anybody think it's lucky to lose your kids half of the time? You can't be serious???

Also you must get masses of time off as a TA without even having to look after your kids 50% of the time. I’m a single parent with very little support from my ex and I work full time. Anyone else in this position? It just feels so unfair that I never get a minute to myself.

He's lost them half the time too?

I know it's awful what you've been through but you need to put it behind you as it's ruining any chance of happiness you have

Mate you’re lucky you had a house to split 50/50. You’re lucky you’ve got kids to have 50% of the time instead of no kids or sick kids or dead kids so stfu now please.

@Cinders12345 He didn't deserve them for that-he was/is an abuser!!

We spent years doing sun holidays as they were what we could afford. Eating in and cooking on holiday is pretty much the same cost as eating at home.

I now prioritise holidays over lots of other things. Rarely eat out, have cut down massively on alcohol, don’t pay for gym membership etc. I know I’m lucky to afford them though

You have shared care with their father. Not the same as losing them. But it’s mainly that he doesn’t give you money that you have been complaining about. Also you are aware that what you are so outraged at him doing to you is exactly what you did to him. You took his (and your) son and left him. He took the other. You are complaining about “losing” your kids half the time- same thing has happened to him.

You say he was abusive (not physically) but there are two sides to every story. But really what’s best for you and your kids is to try to move on a build a life for yourself and stop being so tied up in resentment for your ex.

Would you think differently if it was physical abuse? If I'd have left then?

And I don’t believe that if he really was bad for them the court would have been likely to award him 50/50. More likely that you are giving us a very skewed perspective.

You probably have already looked at all options but I've just booked a caravan in Oct HT for £150. My boyfriend and I will pay half each - we've paid £25 each deposit and then got £25 per month for the next 2 months to pay it off. My children have been on lots of expensive holidays abroad and in England but they love just as much a cheap holiday. Even just one night in a Travelodge is exciting to them!

If you can't afford a holiday - you could concentrate on having some nice days out in the summer. Day on the beach with an ice-cream and sand castle competition. A picnic in the park, feeding the ducks, playground, kicking a ball around. You can have lots of fun like that!

It’s up to you to leave or not. I don’t really see that it matters though- even if he was violent doesn’t have any bearing on the financial settlement.

stop complaining about your ex’s wealth. It’s not yours. You got a lot financially out the marriage. You now need to move on and make your own future.

And as the child of divorced parents, I would also say be careful what you say and do around your kids. It’s horrible when parents are hateful to each other. I co-parent amicably with my ex as I learned my lesson from my own awful parents.

Not a bad guy at all. Didn't wake me up at 2 am frequently screaming at me to clean the oven, take all of my money out of my purse, stop my mum from coming into the house, locking me out of house if I returned after 10pm, throwing me out of the bedroom and making me sleep on the floor, constantly telling me I should make the world a better place by killing myself.

But it's almost impossible to evidence hence this situation. I guess I know the answer to my question re if he'd been physically abusive. This is the problem.

Reading through the thread it seems some people would not call a camping holiday a holiday! A weekend staying in a travelodge is a holiday to us! So when some people say they can't afford a holiday it seems they mean a certain type of holiday?! A holiday is a holiday as far as we're concerned!

Even if that’s true, it would make no difference to your financial settlement. No one is saying he’s a good guy - we don’t know one way or the other, we are just strangers on the internet. But it’s not relevant anyway.

But you need to move on and stop thinking he is going to give you any more money. Cos he isn’t. That ship has sailed. And for the sake of your kids, try to be as civil as possible.

I'm sure it was awful but you have to let go of the past!

This must be spilling over into your new relationship and tainting everything!

The best revenge is to be happy, by carrying on like this you are allowing him to continue to abuse you!

He is not capable of being civil sadly. I try to keep contact to a minimum for sake of kids as he shouts at me like crazy when I pick them up but he refuses to let fiancé collect them as he "is a stranger".

We used to do free days out to museums, art galleries, parks etc. Public transport tickets and a packed lunch, I reckon it could still be done for easily under a tenner for me and 3 kids. Aquarium shops are really good, the kids get to look at lots of fish for free. :D

I also used to save the Sun tokens, a week in a caravan for a tenner. One year we hit lucky and got a free week in France as well as the free week, camping of course lol.

@2cupsofcoffee you need to read the thread. We've been down this road.

This is one of the maddest most frustrating threads ever.

@TheBossOfMe has posted some excellent, sympathetic, insightful advice and you’d do well to read them and take them in OP.

To the people who continue to not bother RTFT, SHE’S HAD A BLOODY CAMPING HOLIDAY AND SHE DIDN’T LIKE IT. SHE’S ALSO GOT ££££ IN THE BANK AND DOESN’T WANT TO USE IT ON POSHER HOLIDAYS.

@Ginger1982 Didn't have time to read previous 25 pages. Offered op advice based on her initial post.

This is just the most fecking annoying thread I've ever seen here, from the op refusing to answer fuck all and just having a conversation with herself, to the last poster evidently not reading the thread 'buy a tent!'

Fuck me.