To think 8 is far too young to be at the park alone?!

[MummyWallflower]

I've just come back from the park. I decided to take my son to the park for a quick run around before bed. Shortly after getting to the play park a boy cycles up to us and starts playing with my son. I looked around for his mum but couldn't see anyone. Waited another 5 minutes and still no-one. At this point I decided to get my son to ask him some questions...

Turns out this boy is 8 and in Year 3 at a local school. I enquired if his mum was there and he said no, she is at home. We then played for a bit before I subtly asked if he lived locally, come to find out he lives a street away from us. I then left with my son and encouraged the boy to come with us, he proceeded to cycle in the middle of the road! My immediate thought was road safety so I said we should all cycle on the path. I then watched him cycle and go back to his house safely.

For the record, we live 5 minutes from the park, so it is very local and safe. This boy had no qualms about talking to me and my son; I could've been a predator or pedofile. He also was cycling in the middle of the road, which of course could lead to him being injured or hit by a car!

AIBU that it is completely inappropriate to allow an 8 year old boy to cycle to, play at and then cycle home from the park alone? Particularly as it was 6.30pm so already getting late. I do know the school he goes to so I am considering reporting this to them in the morning. AIBU?

*I can't believe so many people think the OP is BU. I would not let my 8 year old go to park on his own, or even with friends, and neither would any other the other parents of children in his class. And we live in a 'nice' area.

When posters ask if it's ok to leave their 8 year old home alone whilst they do the food shop, it's always a no*.

Agreed. The above is a very valid point. You wouldn't leave your 8 yo alone while you did the shopping would you?! It's illegal

The other day my DS who is 5.5 went up the road and round the corner out of sight with two friends, the oldest was 8. They had been told to stay where we could see them. When we realised they had gone my DH and the friend's mum went storming off up the road to find them and they were in the middle of our road looking for stones. The road is on a sharp turn where we regularly get a young driver driving like a maniac with his music on too loud. At this age you can warn them of the dangers but they don't remember and get carried away playing. Not worth it.

Why doesn't my bold work any more?

You're ott

Where we live is relatively quiet and children go the the park alone or with friends from about 7.

They're absolutely fine. Most of them have mobile phones with them so are contactable.

No way is 8 old enough or responsible enough to be out unsupervised and parents saying it is are just willing to risk it for some time without their kids in the house.

Wrong, and rude. I still have kids in the house when my child goes to the park anyway so it doesn't make a bit of difference to me. It's about what she gets from it, not what I get from it.

Agreed. The above is a very valid point. You wouldn't leave your 8 yo alone while you did the shopping would you?! It's illegal

Also wrong. It's not illegal at all.

“Pedofile”? What new abomination is this?

This really resonates with me. I look after dgc after school, they are 10 and 12. Yesterday the 10 year old asked if he could go to the park. He called for a friend who was out so asked if he could go alone, his brother didn’t want to go. I texted both parents who said he could go as long as he took water. I was on tenterhooks until his brother agreed (reluctantly) to go after him.
The park is about 5 minutes away.

I think it depends very much on the child and the location.

I have a pleasant, dozy park less than 2 minutes from our house with only a side road serving less than 50 houses total to cross. The playground is 4 minutes away.
I believe that my 8.5 yo would be well capable of managing to get himself there safely. I wouldn't let him on his own because if he had a bump, I don't want him coming back on his own in distress. If he had company, it would be a serious consideration to let him go down there.

I have begun letting him and his brother (6 with a very strong survival instinct) begin playing in the playground while I'm in line of sight and earshot from a community building and able to check every few minutes but not visually apparent in the playground. That's depending on who is in the playground, families and older children fine, not teenagers. DS did recently bump his head and came running straight back.

Children have to become independent at some point. If we all take the cotton wool mentality, we hold back all children because they can't go out with the support of a group. We lose confidence in what children CAN do.

At 8, Cubs and Brownies are let off loose at camps without being individually checked up on during activity blocks of a couple of hours. They are closed sites with vetted adults, but they are big spaces and nothing is ever guarenteed. This is all risk assessed and passed by the organisations and their leaders and approved of by their parents. So Scouting and Guiding believe that at 8, children have the skills to manage their own company, get themselves around a large area and seek help if needed.

The fact that we are still citing children such as James Bulger after over 25 years shows how rare abduction is. Myra Hindley was over 50 years ago. Stranger abduction is incredibly rare.

Yabu

My DCs didn’t but we weren’t that near a park and not in that sort of area where children played ‘out’. I def played ‘up the road’ at that age but didn’t cycle.

I have an 8yo dd and I agree OP. I wouldn't let her out alone yet, I know she would probably be ok, but it's not a risk I'm willing to take at this age.

Obviously it depends on the kid and the area. My 7 and 5 year old are allowed to play in the park across the street (and up a leafy path) from us by themselves. They are out of sight and ear shot, but we make sure they know they have to practice the buddy system and are not allowed to talk to adults. We do meander across the street to check on them every so often.

The park is always full of Mums and toddlers as well as older kids, and its a small neighbourhood so everyone knows everyone and their kids by sight if not by name. If someone shifty started hanging around I'm sure it would be all over the neighbourhood FB page in about five seconds flat.

By the time DS is 8, I'm sure I'll be letting him play farther afield. He's a pretty level headed kid.

Maybe your DS doesn't have the sense but some do.
If you wouldn't feel happy with your DS doing this that's absolutely fine, it is your call on how you parent but I think YABU to think others should parent as you do

Clearly it depends on the park, the area , the kid and the distance from their house.

Yabu.

I also don’t understand how it’s not ok to leave an 8 year-old DC in the house, but fine to let them roam around a playground or ride the streets on a bike. Which is more risky, really? I’m in London and you never see kids roaming around alone or in unsupervised playgrounds. Playgrounds are so lonely sometimes. It only takes one man to pick up your child and drag them into a car. Rural locations hold just as much risk as urban in this respect.

My DC started going out alone during the summer before secondary school. They go to different senior schools and generally make their own way there from the start of year 7. By the time they’re 14, they’re negotiating buses and tubes all across London, so more streetwise than the average teen, I’d say. But they definitely didn’t hang out in playgrounds in the evening at 8. It only takes one weirdo and it’s just not worth the risk imo.

I’m not sure those of us who won’t let our DC out at 8 are ‘wrapping in cotton wool’. The average age for the area is Year 5/6 (so age 10/11) which I think is far (and the local parents of this area seem to concur) more appropriate than 8. It is strange to see an 8 year old out alone here, I do not know any other parents that would allow this...

And yes an accident happening to an 8 year old would be awful. I remember being an age not to dissimilar, bike riding with my sister at the time who was 12. I fell off my bike pretty badly and we had to walk through town to find my family, all the while I was crying my eyes out with a horribly scraped leg. I don’t think an 8 year old would be capable of dealing with that alone.

I also do think mumsnet is strange at times. As others have pointed out, whenever there are threads about leaving kids at home to pop to the shops over the road, leaving them in cars at the petrol station while paying etc. There is a resounding ‘NO!’ I also remember the thread about the 15 year old and the woods! But then in this case, an 8 year old is capable of navigating their way to and from a park and playing on their own. There are also woods in this park which he suggested cycling in, so obviously that’s occurred before.

Also the emotive words about how I ‘took’ or have ‘taken’ him from the park. No. We were leaving and he told us he lived near us so I asked if he’d like follow along with us as we were going the same direction. To be honest he seemed glad to have someone to play with and some company. I also find it contradictory that people are saying that because I did that, he’d have less sense next time. Maybe that’s because he is 8 and shouldn’t have been out alone in the first place.

I think it’d be a completely different scenario had he been with friends or siblings to all watch out for one another. This was a lone 8 year old child.

I let me 8 year old go to the park, always with a friend/sister or to meet someone. We live in a very small village and everyone keeps an eye out for each other. Think it depends on your situation and your child. Some children are more sensible/capable at that age. I don’t know if I would do this if we lived in a city though...

And as for more up-to-date examples, what about the little welsh girl who was taken a few years ago? That was cycling on a bike outside of her home.

I let my children out to the park (5 minute walk, one quiet road with a crossing to cross) from 7 with their older siblings, 10 by themselves. So, yes, I think that 8 is a little young.

However, there is no need for hysteria about strangers and pedophiles. There is less chance of a child being abused in the park than there is once they arrive home.

I don't allow my 9 year old to the park alone. It is 5 minutes away and I do trust my son, it's other people I don't trust. Anything could happen, accident, altercation with other child- absolutely anything.
Local children of 4/5yo and above play at this park alone and I've seen many near-miss accidents. It's also rife with not so nice bully-types.

I am glad to see that a lot of people think YABU. It is so sad that you never see children playing out these days.

When I was 8 I was playing out with friends without supervision of parents. I think it all depends how local the park is. I have a park on my housing estate and there is only one way in and out of the estate, and the park is always pretty empty with houses looking out straight into it anyway. There are kids playing on it alone sometimes as young as 6-7 (I think they live in one of the houses opposite the park).

I remember being an age not to dissimilar, bike riding with my sister at the time who was 12. I fell off my bike pretty badly and we had to walk through town to find my family, all the while I was crying my eyes out with a horribly scraped leg. I don’t think an 8 year old would be capable of dealing with that alone.*
Well that's a different scenario from playing in spark 5 minutes from home where your parents are.
If the 8 yo under discussion scraped his knee riding to the park he would have to get himself up and walk home.It would teach the kid he was self sufficient enough to cope with a minorinjury and boost his confidence, self esteem, resilience and I dependence.

I fell off my bike pretty badly and we had to walk through town to find my family, all the while I was crying my eyes out with a horribly scraped leg. I don’t think an 8 year old would be capable of dealing with that alone.

I fell off my bike at 8 and cut my chin so bad it needed stiches. I walked the 10 minutes home just fine.

April’s story is tragic. But should the entire nation not allow their children to play outside their house because somebody did something deranged?

I have just posted on another thread about the danger of allowing lifts with people who are not well known, so I am not a parent who chucks their kids out of the house and says don’t come back til it’s dark.
It’s not about rules; no children to play out until age 10, no children to go beyond 25m of front door etc. It’s all about teaching kids to make sensible decisions.
So always check with a parent about getting into a vehicle, even if you know the family so that there is no doubt about the danger of getting into someone’s car. My teenagers always phone up if they are offered a lift, because this has been instilled.

What to do if someone makes you feel uncomfortable at the park.

How to behave if you are worried some one is following you home from school.

Kids need to learn this stuff before they go to secondary, especially as when they do start secondary, nights are already drawing in.
Midsummer is brief, and the best time to practice being independent. There are only 4 midsummers for a yr 3 until secondary, so good to let the kids horizons expand a bit each year.

The park was in the middle of the town and my parents were shopping there. Also my 12 year old sister was there to look out for us. So not really.

Why should an 8 year old have to deal and learn that? They are 8! What is wrong with waiting for a couple of years until they are 10/11 and they’ve more life experience etc. Also there are a lot of people saying they let their 8 year olds out with sibling or friends. Not allowed out alone to roam around the streets and park.

And the question still remains, why is it not okay to leave an 8 year old at home while you do the shopping, but ok for them to go to the park by themselves?