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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Was he trying to 'pregnancy trap' me?

146 replies

Threwitaway · 24/06/2019 11:49

Nc so I don't out myself. I feel like I might be going crazy but I have this awful gut feeling. I'm also aware I should have taken more precautions but it's too late now. I'm sorry for the tmi.

I have an 18mo with my ex and the pregnancy wasn't planned. He wasn't involved with DD at all until recently. He's made it very clear he wants to be together again and is going very fast. He's talking about marriage and moving in together and having a bigger family. This all just scares me but despite me asking him to slow down he isn't really listening.

Recently we slept together twice. The first time was kind of in the moment and he pulled out. He asked me afterwards if I was on the pill and I said no. The second time we slept together he had planned. He asked me where I wanted him to 'finish' and I made it clear I wanted him to pull out. When he got 'closer' he asked me to get into a position that in hindsight I couldn't really get out of quickly, and then came inside me.

I thought it might have just been an accident but the next day he started talking about baby names and 'oh is it really such a bad thing if we had another now?'. I know I shouldve taken more precautions with contraception but I was unprepared and stupid because I thought he'd agree that me being pregnant is a bad idea. I tried to end our relationship a few days after but he didn't react well.

Am I being unreasonably paranoid or did he try and' pregnancy trap' me?

OP posts:

IsabellaLinton · 24/06/2019 11:52

I was unprepared and stupid because I thought he'd agree that me being pregnant is a bad idea

You were unprepared and stupid, yes. How could he possibly trap you if you’d taken proper precautions? Start taking some responsibility for yourself.

PickettBowtruckles · 24/06/2019 11:52

I think if you didn’t want to be pregnant, you should’ve used contraception. You willingly had unprotected sex with this man, I’m not sure you can blame him if you get pregnant from that.

Chartreuser · 24/06/2019 11:54

OP you can get a coil up to five days after DTD if you're too late for MAP

I don't think it's a trap if you are a skinny participant however, if you were not wanting to get pregnant you would not be taking that risk at all

sneakypinky · 24/06/2019 11:54

Wtf? Stop shagging people without contraception woman!

Chartreuser · 24/06/2019 11:54

^willing

ShatnersWig · 24/06/2019 11:54

What Isabella said. YOU are responsible for your own body and your own contraceptive choices. You willingly chose to have unprotected sex with him twice. Not quite sure where the trap business is coming in? Just sounds to me like you're both stupid for different reasons.

JacquesHammer · 24/06/2019 11:55

Am I being unreasonably paranoid or did he try and' pregnancy trap' me?

You had unprotected sex - surely you must be aware that a pregnancy could occur.

He may well have been trying to "trap" you, however you could have refused unprotected sex full stop or used contraception.

You are equally responsible if a pregnancy occurs.

flylikeabirdx · 24/06/2019 11:55

Did u not think of the morning after pill? If you were really that bothered you'd of made him put something on the end of it 🤷🏻‍♀️

notacooldad · 24/06/2019 11:55

So did you get the MAP to make sure there is no pregnancy or are you just being passive in all this?

Riv · 24/06/2019 11:56

Yes he’s trying to trap you.
How long ago was this? Are you still within the time limit for emergency (morning after) contraception. There are options for a day or so, doesn’t have to be precisely the next morning.

NoBaggyPants · 24/06/2019 11:56

The advice to men on here is, if you don't want a baby then don't have sex.

Therefore it's reasonable to advise you that, if you don't want to have a baby, don't have sex, let alone unprotected sex.

JacquesHammer · 24/06/2019 11:57

How recently did you sleep together OP?

Are you still in time for the MAP or a coil fitting?

IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 24/06/2019 11:57

Yes he's trying to back you into a corner but in all honesty you are really stupid for having sex with someone who you freely acknowledge doesn't listen to you and for not taking any responsibility for your own contraception.
Grow up - you are in danger of just letting your life happen to you, rather than being in active control of it. Children deserve better than to be brought into the world by people who CBA to take any sort of personal responsibility.

womaninthedark · 24/06/2019 11:58

What does he want? What have you got that is convenient for him to access right now?
He certainly doesn't 'want another baby' in a lovey-dovey way. Do you have some assets or is he just wanting power over you, the fun of manipulating someone?

Soubriquet · 24/06/2019 11:59

Go and get the MAP

And then look at some form of contraception

Riv · 24/06/2019 11:59

And you need to be aware that pulling out is NOT a contraceptive. You can get pregnant even if he pulls out before coming.

ShatnersWig · 24/06/2019 12:00

And really, if your previous pregnancy wasn't planned, then you're being even more stupid and naive and immature and plenty of other words along those lines.

lyralalala · 24/06/2019 12:01

I tried to end our relationship a few days after but he didn't react well.

What do you mean by this OP? Are you safe at the moment?

Were you able to access the morning after pill or coil? If not was it him that blocked that?

It does sound like he was deliberately trying to finish inside you. Yes you should have sorted contraception, but he absolutely shouldn’t have done that.

Did you ask him to stop?

codenameduchess · 24/06/2019 12:01

Is it trapping if he's already proved he can and will walk away? You already have one child to him you say he's had no involvement with until recently. Why are you even back with him?

Take responsibility and use contraception. You could have immediately gone to get MAP, did you bother?

BullBullBull · 24/06/2019 12:02

If you don’t want a baby, don’t have sex. That’s the advice men get

VivienneHolt · 24/06/2019 12:02

He may we’ll be trying to trap you / secure a future with you and see pregnancy as a means to that. If so it is a breach of trust and you should be concerned about what it means in respect of your relationship with him.

In the meantime, you absolutely must start using contraception when you have sex. If you don’t want to use condoms or don’t trust him to use them properly, go and see your GP and ask about your options.

And if the sex discussed was within the last few days, get the morning after pill ASAP.

boobirdblue · 24/06/2019 12:02

You had consensual unprotected sex, whose responsibility was the contraception? Both of yours, neither bothered so presumably you'll both be happy with another child?

Or if you are pregnant and don't want to continue with it, termination would be an option.

But in the very short term, get some condoms and use them.

Pumperthepumper · 24/06/2019 12:03

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Shesontome · 24/06/2019 12:03

Why on earth would you have unprotected sex if you don’t want a baby? Why wouldn’t you take the MAP? It sounds ridiculous to me. Are you sure it isn’t you trying to trap him?

And why on earth are you having any kind of sex with someone you don’t like, respect or trust?

loobyloo1234 · 24/06/2019 12:04

Why aren't you on contraception if you are having unprotected sex with a guy you don't seem to like very much?

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