Was he trying to 'pregnancy trap' me?

[Threwitaway]

Nc so I don't out myself. I feel like I might be going crazy but I have this awful gut feeling. I'm also aware I should have taken more precautions but it's too late now. I'm sorry for the tmi.

I have an 18mo with my ex and the pregnancy wasn't planned. He wasn't involved with DD at all until recently. He's made it very clear he wants to be together again and is going very fast. He's talking about marriage and moving in together and having a bigger family. This all just scares me but despite me asking him to slow down he isn't really listening.

Recently we slept together twice. The first time was kind of in the moment and he pulled out. He asked me afterwards if I was on the pill and I said no. The second time we slept together he had planned. He asked me where I wanted him to 'finish' and I made it clear I wanted him to pull out. When he got 'closer' he asked me to get into a position that in hindsight I couldn't really get out of quickly, and then came inside me.

I thought it might have just been an accident but the next day he started talking about baby names and 'oh is it really such a bad thing if we had another now?'. I know I shouldve taken more precautions with contraception but I was unprepared and stupid because I thought he'd agree that me being pregnant is a bad idea. I tried to end our relationship a few days after but he didn't react well.

Am I being unreasonably paranoid or did he try and' pregnancy trap' me?

@Pumperthepumper he did, so as stated previously he can take the baby? If she allows this and consents. She can't force him to take the baby if he doesn't want to though and then the option would be adoption.

@Pumperthepumper
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Except that withdrawal isn't really a form of protection, so she agreed to unprotected sex. We all know that you can get pregnant whether the man withdraws or not.
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Ah, I see, sorry Blue. I’d argue that withdrawal is a form of protection, albeit a shitty unreliable one, but I still don’t think it matters because he didn’t withdraw. So the terms they agreed to were broken, by him.

I didn't post that, it was another PO best you direct your question to them?

’d argue that withdrawal is a form of protection, albeit a shitty unreliable one, but I still don’t think it matters because he didn’t withdraw. So the terms they agreed to were broken, by him.

Its not a form of protection. It's a form of contraception. A shit one.

Its usually done while tracking fertile times. As well. Just shagging whenever and withdrawing means nothing. He could have pulled out, but still got pregnant.

So it cant be a trap when the OP knows she is having unprotected sex.

Should he have done it, no he shouldnt. That doesnt make it a trap though.

They already have one unplanned baby. You think the op would learn. Bet she didnt go out and get the MAP though

I didn't post that, it was another PO best you direct your question to them?

I know, it wasn’t really a question, just that poster rephrased your point in a way I understood.

I’d say, based on the ‘my girlfriend lied about the pill thread’ that he absolutely can take the baby, because he wanted it and she doesn’t. He shouldn’t get too comfortable though, the OP should be able to decide when and how much to see the baby, and obviously how little (if anything!) she wants to pay for it - after all, the baby is irrelevant really. It was the poor OP who was tricked into pregnancy and she should be freely allowed to walk away. She should also be allowed to cut contact/money at any point if the father is being too pushy about anything whatsoever related to the baby, like contact or money.

I’d say, based on the ‘my girlfriend lied about the pill thread’ that he absolutely can take the baby, because he wanted it and she doesn’t.*

Would this not have to be agreed by the mother?

He shouldn’t get too comfortable though, the OP should be able to decide when and how much to see the baby, and obviously how little (if anything!) she wants to pay for it -

Is maintenance not means tested? Would it not be a specific amount?

after all, the baby is irrelevant really. It was the poor OP who was tricked into pregnancy and she should be freely allowed to walk away.

What pregnancy? Is she pregnant? She had unprotected sex so she knew the risks?

She should also be allowed to cut contact/money at any point if the father is being too pushy about anything whatsoever related to the baby, like contact or money.

No she shouldn't, same as absent fathers shouldn't. Nor should the DF try to stop her seeing the DC (assuming there's one).

Poor OP has presumably scarpered after the row on this thread. Please, take back control of your life and work out what you want. This man is not good news.

Should he have done it, no he shouldnt. That doesnt make it a trap though.

Yes it does. He lied.

He is abusive! GTF away from him!

I expect he's done a bit of a number on you mentally and that's why you've put up with his shit so far. I've been there and it's horrible and confusing and shit and you find yourself in situations and just think how and why did I get here? Why didn't I...? etc. Be kind to yourself but kick this guy to the kerb ASAP!

Also, there is always the morning after pill which you can buy from your pharmacist or get prescribed by your Dr after a sometimes excrutiating discussion. Might be too late for this now, but if there are future incidents then take that as an option.

boobirdblue I think we’re probably at cross-purposes here. My point is comparing the ‘girlfriend-not-on-the-pill’ thread to this one highlights how stupid the advice was that was given to the male poster. There were so many posters on those threads saying he should walk away and have nothing to do with it because it wasn’t what he wanted, and it was a shame for him, and how he was the hapless victim. I’m trying to point out how stupid that advice is in relation to this female poster. Of course neither parent should walk away. Of course both parents should support the child. Of course they were stupid not to use protection properly.

Yes it does. He lied.

But op knew she could get pregnant, even if he pulled out.

So if she got pregnant it's both of their faults.

After one 'accidental' pregnancy you think she would know better.

And I put 'accidental' because, imo, people who get pregnant while not using contraception (properly or at all) do not have accidental pregnancies. It's just pregnancy

It doesn’t count as pregnancy trapping if your own stupidity contributes to the whole situation! You need to take some God damn responsibility for yourself!

Protein I agree with you.

It doesn’t count as pregnancy trapping if your own stupidity contributes to the whole situation! You need to take some God damn responsibility for yourself! hmm

Would you say the same to a man who didn’t wear a condom but thought his girlfriend was on the pill?

Would you say the same to a man who didn’t wear a condom but thought his girlfriend was on the pill?

Nope the OP was well aware she was having unprotected sex, her choice and her choice to not take the MAP. I don't want all this hormones in me just doesn't wash, the potential pregnancy will give a few more hormones.

It doesn’t count as pregnancy trapping if your own stupidity contributes to the whole situation! You need to take some God damn responsibility for yourself! hmm

You wouldn’t say this to a man in the exact same scenario? That’s a weird thing to say, why? Surely it’s his responsibility to protect himself against an unwanted pregnancy if HE’S the one who doesn’t want it?

Pulling out is not contraception.

Having unprotected sex is the equivalent of TTC. You may not intend it that way, b

Pulling out is not contraception.
Having unprotected sex is the equivalent of TTC. You may not intend it that way, bUt your intent is irrelevant.

Would you say the same to a man who didn’t wear a condom but thought his girlfriend was on the pill?

I would say his own stupidity contributed.

Come on guys, hand grenade alert.

You wouldn’t say this to a man in the exact same scenario? That’s a weird thing to say, why? Surely it’s his responsibility to protect himself against an unwanted pregnancy if HE’S the one who doesn’t want it?.

If a man was having unprotected sex with a woman he knew wasnt on the pill, I think most people would call him an idiot too.

A man having sex without a condom with a woman who is not a long-term and extremely trusted partner is an idiot.

OPs partner did not say he using contraception and she was well aware of that.

Withdrawal is not a form of contraception, unless used with charts etc, which would've involved OPs input. She was aware that hadn't taken place.

Anyone - male or female - anyone who has unprotected sex risks a pregnancy, and therefore dealing with the consequences.

Both people here know there is no protected sex happening.

The OP could get pregnant quite easily using the withdrawal method and actually withdrawing

Both of them are idiots to risk bringing another child into this ridiculous situation.

That wasn’t the question I asked you Blue. You agreed that it didn’t count as pregnancy trapping if your own stupidity contributed to the situation - I asked if you’d say the same to a man who believed a woman was on the pill. Surely if he doesn’t want a pregnancy he should take care of his own contraception? Or does he get special treatment because he’s a man?

Proteinshakesandtears that’s absolutely true, I agree with you. Except they had a deal that he would pull out and he broke that deal. Yes, a shit and unreliable method of preventing a pregnancy, but one they both agreed on. He broke the deal.