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AIBU?

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Original poster

Was he trying to 'pregnancy trap' me?

146 replies

Threwitaway · 24/06/2019 11:49

Nc so I don't out myself. I feel like I might be going crazy but I have this awful gut feeling. I'm also aware I should have taken more precautions but it's too late now. I'm sorry for the tmi.

I have an 18mo with my ex and the pregnancy wasn't planned. He wasn't involved with DD at all until recently. He's made it very clear he wants to be together again and is going very fast. He's talking about marriage and moving in together and having a bigger family. This all just scares me but despite me asking him to slow down he isn't really listening.

Recently we slept together twice. The first time was kind of in the moment and he pulled out. He asked me afterwards if I was on the pill and I said no. The second time we slept together he had planned. He asked me where I wanted him to 'finish' and I made it clear I wanted him to pull out. When he got 'closer' he asked me to get into a position that in hindsight I couldn't really get out of quickly, and then came inside me.

I thought it might have just been an accident but the next day he started talking about baby names and 'oh is it really such a bad thing if we had another now?'. I know I shouldve taken more precautions with contraception but I was unprepared and stupid because I thought he'd agree that me being pregnant is a bad idea. I tried to end our relationship a few days after but he didn't react well.

Am I being unreasonably paranoid or did he try and' pregnancy trap' me?

OP posts:
Ivestoppedreadingthenews · 24/06/2019 12:53

I think that legally this is rape, because you consenting to him Doug one act and he intentionally did another (came inside you). Regardless, you have every right to feel angry and violated. I think you posted here so you could hear GET OUT. Please don’t continue any kind of relationship with this man. Every woman deserves better.

OldUnit · 24/06/2019 12:53

Rape?? Really???

WorraLiberty · 24/06/2019 12:58

Ivestoppedreadingthenews, you may think that legally this is rape but it would've been quicker to Google the legal definition than to type your last post Hmm

lyralalala · 24/06/2019 12:58

Rape?? Really???

If she agreed to one thing then he did another then yes. Especially if she tried to stop him (which is the implication from the position he put her in that she couldn’t easily get out of)

I’m really surprised by the tone of replies on this thread.

Not only did this man break their agreement he got her into a position that she couldn’t get out of so she couldn’t stop him.

The OP says she tried to end the relationship but he took it badly (sounding like she couldn’t end it)

There’s enough flags in the post suggesting that the man is at best a bully, at worst an abusive rapist, and yet the OP has been lambasted

boobirdblue · 24/06/2019 12:58

@Ivestoppedreadingthenews rape? It was consensual sex ffs!

boobirdblue · 24/06/2019 13:00

*If she agreed to one thing then he did another then yes. Especially if she tried to stop him (which is the implication from the position he put her in that she couldn’t easily get out of)
*
He didn't put her in a position he asked her! She did the moving.

JacquesHammer · 24/06/2019 13:01

If she agreed to one thing then he did another then yes. Especially if she tried to stop him (which is the implication from the position he put her in that she couldn’t easily get out of)

I don’t believe the issue of where he finished would class as rape.

However if the OP asked him to stop/he wouldn’t let her out of a position then yes, that’s possible to consider rape.

Dvg · 24/06/2019 13:01

I feel sorry for your future children. being brought into a failed relationship because you cant be bothered to be on contraception.

Pumperthepumper · 24/06/2019 13:02

TRIGGER WARNING*

Interesting article here: www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-22281457

Quote: Contrary to her wishes, and knowing that she would not have consented, and did not consent to penetration or the continuation of penetration if she had any inkling of his intention, he deliberately ejaculated within her vagina.
"In law, this combination of circumstances falls within the statutory definition of rape."

Proteinshakesandtears · 24/06/2019 13:03

he got her into a position that she couldn’t get out of so she couldn’t stop him

She said he had asked her to get into a position, and that's was more difficult to get out of than she anticipated.

She didnt say he got her into a position to trap her in it.

At most it could be sexual assault. But she would have to prove that, that was his intention.

Besides which, she could become pregnant even if he had pulled out in time. So the question of 'baby trap' is ridiculous as she was fully aware they were having unprotected sex

NameChangeNugget · 24/06/2019 13:05

I really can’t believe what I have just read Hmm

boobirdblue · 24/06/2019 13:06

A bloke not that long ago came on here as his girlfriend lied about being on the pill, the result was that she was carrying his child that he didn't want it consent to.

Of course, the vast majority blamed him and.said he should've taken his own precautions and it was his own fault and tough shit.

A woman comes on knowingly having unprotected sex and it's still all the blokes fault.

Give me strength!

JacquesHammer · 24/06/2019 13:07

A woman comes on knowingly having unprotected sex and it's still all the blokes fault

I mean, have you actually RTFT?

boobirdblue · 24/06/2019 13:08

Yes thanks @JacquesHammer I have, but thanks for checking.

Pumperthepumper · 24/06/2019 13:09

boobirdblue what was your advice to the male OP? What’s your advice to this female OP?

JacquesHammer · 24/06/2019 13:10

boobirdblue

That’s funny, because the majority have said she was foolish and should have used contraception....

So not quite suggesting it’s “all the man’s fault”, no?

InsertFunnyUsername · 24/06/2019 13:10

You will get the same answer i would give a man, you can't be trapped into a pregnancy if you aren't using protection yourself.

Sure he sounds like a pushy partner you should sack off, but this is both your responsibility.

babysharkah · 24/06/2019 13:12

You had sex without contraception. You could have said no.

SilverySurfer · 24/06/2019 13:14

I think you trapped yourself. If you don't want another child it's utter stupidity to not use some form of contraception. I don't get it. If you don't want to be with the bloke why have sex with him? You need to raise your bar.

cuppycakey · 24/06/2019 13:14

OP you need to educate yourself about contraception.

Do you know what they call people who use the withdrawal method?
Parents.

Aside from which, you have no idea where he's been. Why are you shagging him without a condom?

You need to get checked for STDs and get a reliable form of contraception. Then don't have sex without a condom until you are in a committed relationship and have both had STD tests.

You say you "tried" to end it. You sound very passive. Life doesn't just happen to you......

boobirdblue · 24/06/2019 13:15

@JacquesHammer I was referring g to the last few posts, if YOU have read the full thread you'd see I posted throughout and was therefore knowledgeable about the thread.

JacquesHammer · 24/06/2019 13:17

I was referring g to the last few posts, if YOU have read the full thread you'd see I posted throughout and was therefore knowledgeable about the thread

I did. But given your post regarding a "vast majority" it seemed like you were not understanding something.

Thanks for clarifying though.

JacquesHammer · 24/06/2019 13:17

Of course I'm glad to note you saw that I had indeed posted throughout and given the same response as I gave on other similar threads started by a man Wink

boobirdblue · 24/06/2019 13:21

@Pumperthepumper my advice to him was that he was well and truly tricked. I believe he was, but there was nothing he could now do about it because the woman had all the rights. I think he would therefore in future either need to be 120% sure his partner was using protection and to use it himself if not.

This is a different case, they both agreed to unprotected sex, so no one was "tricked" the withdrawing thing is difficult but honestly if she didn't want to get pregnant and came on here saying that he had withdrawn my advice would be the same.

  1. Use contraception if you don't want to get pregnant
  1. You consented to unprotected sex, so that's your choice
  1. Go get the MAP.

This OP unlike the bloke was fully aware immediately and could've taken action. He was unaware until the "surprise" pregnancy.

Pumperthepumper · 24/06/2019 13:23

This is a different case, they both agreed to unprotected sex, so no one was "tricked"

She was tricked! He said he’d withdraw and he didn’t. How do you think either case should go financially, should either OP be able to opt out of their responsibility to the child?

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