I've had an altercation at the school gate this morning and I'm shaken up!

[NotStrongYet]

I was on my way into school early. It's school photos day so those with siblings could arrive early for a sibling shoot. I parked up and got the kids out of the car and all of a sudden I heard the most awful shouting. It was a Mum, screaming aggressively at her kid. The daughter (maybe aged 7) had run away up the street next to the school. The mum left her little boy (aged 2 i would guess) on a grass verge and ran after her daughter. I couldn't actually see what was happening at this point but I could hear the mum screaming and the daughter crying. They then followed us up the path to school. The Mum was shouting "do you know what happens to kids like you that run off? People take them and kill them!!!" I was a few feet ahead with my 5 and 3 year old who were looking more and more worried by the stuff the lady was screaming. I carried on walking. The daughter then said "mum I don't want to go to school". The mum grabbed her by the arm and yanked her forward, before sliding her arm in between her daughters back and her school bag and dragging her along the full length of the playground by the bag. Her poor daughters legs were being dragged along the concrete. I said to the mum "I'm sorry but what your doing is really upsetting me". She said "this is a daily occurrence and the school know about it". She was almost hit by a car round there and every day she says she doesn't want to go to school" I said "I understand that, but what you're doing is wrong". She preceded to drag the child along the ground whilst shouting at her. I have told my daughters teacher and I've been assured this is going to be followed up. I'm shaking and not sure if I've done the right thing. It feels like I have. No child deserves to be treated like that, regardless of the circumstances.

Holding up a 7 yo by a backpack so that their feet are not touching the floor takes some strength! With one arm? Two arms and therefore dragging in front of you? Or behind? How? To the side would be very difficult indeed, unless at full arms lengthand therefore the dc is very low to the ground

Oh my word. Sorry I didn't get my phone out to film the incident so that I could give you all a second by second account of exactly what was happening to the girls feet and shins. As I've said before, the girl was scrambling to get to her feet whilst her mum was dragging her on the ground. Her shins definitely made contact with the ground intermittently, as at times her shoes were taking more of the impact. Her feet were top down (if this makes sense. The mother wasn't holding the child fully off the ground as a pp suggested. As the girls legs/tops of her feet were also on the ground being dragged. The Mum was a big strong looking lady and the girl very petite. Sorry, I would have put all of this in my OP if I had thought I'd be questioned over every tiny detail.

Also, to the person that thinks I'm making this up as I obviously couldn't possibly post on mumsnet if I have the school run to do, how can you come to that assumption? I get up at 6.30 each morning to get myself ready, then help them kids get ready from 7 onwards. We don't leave the house until 8.30 so the mornings aren't very rushed. I have time for a hot cup of tea and 15 minutes on my phone. The lengths some people on here will go to to try to disprove what you're saying are quite frankly ridiculous and I'll remember not to post in AIBU from now on.

It’s not unbelievable op, I can imagine it sand I’m sure it was distressing

If you’re on your knees your soles are upwards, not touching

The top of the shoes take the brunt, and her legs it seems, poor thing

what a fucking stupid comment Rannaldini.

You can see why hideous news reports end up on R4 with that comment and the mind your own business one. Distressing.

There always some, usually new, idiotic poster trying to make a name for themselves by being all contentious (I am looking in LadyRannaldini's direction)

@NotStrongYet
I suspect your reaction has more to do with the abuse you suffered as a child.
The reason why people some people are reacting in a ‘this isn’t true ‘ type of way is because they dint have the same spectacles than you. You saw a remake of your own abuse, they se a mum struggling and someone making a huge fuss out of nothing.

The bottom line is, you’ve done what was probably the most appropriate by telling the school.
I’m wondering if you have had support yourself re your own childhood.

I used to have to carry my screaming 6/7 year old into school - the teachers used to have to come and take her from from me screaming kicking and biting (we now know she is autistic- didn’t then) and lock the door after her.

Never dragged her along the ground but it wasn’t a pleasant experience and probably seemed extremely cruel to people watching . Eventually we had enough and took her out to home ed.

I think you did the right thing telling the school - obviously we have no idea from this post if she is abusing her child but either way she and then child need help.

Ignore people picking over what you said in the heat of the moment, you did exactly the right thing and it must have been doubly difficult for you.
I’m so glad you spoke up and reported.
Really important for that little girl to hear someone say she shouldn’t be treated like that.

I fully believe that the OP did the right thing, but the mum had limited options. Taking the two year old in the road to chase after the little girl would've been madness and put both children in danger.

And if my kid decided to mess about I doubt I could do anything beyond drag him, he's about 4 ft now at 4 and I'm 5ft1...

No one is disputing the OP reporting it to the school.
I and some pps suspect some exaggerating, there is a clear contradiction, had the DM been dragging the child along the concrete, I would approach her and call the police the school SS in the same moment.
I found it hard to believe she was dragged along concrete, she would be ripped open and I was right as the OP then said her shoes were not hitting the ground.

They both need help and you've done the correct thing.First thing in the morning that must have been quite a chilling insight into that poor child's life.

I can picture it. Not sure why some people are struggling so much.

Social services do not help in this situation. When my child was refusing school I just got “other mothers manage!” I wouldn’t have dragged my dd along though, the times she refused school I took her home but I was getting into trouble with the school over it but they were refusing to help me with her just referring me to SS instead.

If the parent has an issue with her running off and the school knows then they should be working together to get the child in to school safely. It's not exactly hard is it. I already have two suggestions.

1. the parent drives onto school premises and a teacher comes to the car to collect the child and the parent leaves once the child is out of the car.
2. the parent calls the school when they arrive and they send a teacher & ta to collect the child from the car off the school premises and parent leaves once the child is out if the car.

We currently drive to the staff carpark and a teacher comes out and collects my daughter and I drive off. Tears every day but as soon as I'm out of sight my daughter stops crying and I know this because my older child walks in with them.
I have never manhandled my child in to school (or anywhere, ever) not once! I have lost my temper in frustration many times but have never shouted or hurt my child. I have simply burst in to tears. It's not normal to want to hurt your child and then do it. That is called child abuse!

The usual line up of excusing abuse and neglect. She clearly for whatever reason is not handling parenting of the 2 year old nor the 7 year old. The children deserve to have someone who will ask wtf is going on.

I think you should have either offered help or tried to speak to her after she'd dropped her off. She has enough it looks like on her ate than worrying about other parents judging her. If she gets this more then shell stop taking her to school.

I've had to deal with a very angry DD1 on the way home from school quite a few times. It's so hard to cope with and highly embarrassing. I once had a TA intervene, though in my case it was my DD (then 6) who was lashing out at me, something she still does sometimes at 10. This TA told my DD1 off, and, amazingly, she listened.

It can work to intervene. It sounds like the mum the OP is talking about is very much in need of support, so reporting what you witnessed will be the right thing to do.

A child with anger issues is very hard to deal with. I'm not condoning this mum's actions at all, but it sounds like she's in a very bad place.

That makes it very cleaf what that woman was doing, it makes complete sense, and sounds horrific.

Child abuse, humiliation, distress and physical harm.

How horrific to witness!

You did the best you could at the time, but importantly you reported it.

Poor little girl, makes me feel quite sick.

The question does need to be asked why the girl was so afraid of going to school as well? To me, that suggests that she might be being bullied.

So you interrupted an extremely stressedother by saying... Your upsetting me ... Why do I imagine that was done in your best middle class voice‽

If you were that upset, why on earth did you say something so daft and PATRONISING?

Round here, you'd have been advised to say .. oi twat, stop doing that to your daughter, you're making it worse.

Then go tell the teacher, and head.

There's obviously 2 issues here ... An extremely stressed child that hates school for whatever reason, and you have aother who is fed up of this daily battle .. probably told by the school, you must make sure she attends or you'll be fined.

The key would have been... Asking if she needed help .. which she did ..Aube take the smallest child, so she had 2 hands on her other child... Thus she wouldn't have reverting to dragging.

Maybe afterwards, asking why her daughter fights daily to go to school and offering a hand, instead of just condemning and running to mumsnet, to seek approval!

Practical help is always better, then just "disapproval". How.do you know the mother hasn't got other issues going on?

You did the right thing. From a safeguarding perspective what you have seen needs flagging. Even if she is in desperate need of help she won’t get it is she doesn’t ask for it (which she is u likely to do) and/or someone doesn’t report it.

I would go ahead and call social services. This is not a healthy situation for either child.