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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I've had an altercation at the school gate this morning and I'm shaken up!

424 replies

NotStrongYet · 24/06/2019 09:56

I was on my way into school early. It's school photos day so those with siblings could arrive early for a sibling shoot. I parked up and got the kids out of the car and all of a sudden I heard the most awful shouting. It was a Mum, screaming aggressively at her kid. The daughter (maybe aged 7) had run away up the street next to the school. The mum left her little boy (aged 2 i would guess) on a grass verge and ran after her daughter. I couldn't actually see what was happening at this point but I could hear the mum screaming and the daughter crying. They then followed us up the path to school. The Mum was shouting "do you know what happens to kids like you that run off? People take them and kill them!!!" I was a few feet ahead with my 5 and 3 year old who were looking more and more worried by the stuff the lady was screaming. I carried on walking. The daughter then said "mum I don't want to go to school". The mum grabbed her by the arm and yanked her forward, before sliding her arm in between her daughters back and her school bag and dragging her along the full length of the playground by the bag. Her poor daughters legs were being dragged along the concrete. I said to the mum "I'm sorry but what your doing is really upsetting me". She said "this is a daily occurrence and the school know about it". She was almost hit by a car round there and every day she says she doesn't want to go to school" I said "I understand that, but what you're doing is wrong". She preceded to drag the child along the ground whilst shouting at her. I have told my daughters teacher and I've been assured this is going to be followed up. I'm shaking and not sure if I've done the right thing. It feels like I have. No child deserves to be treated like that, regardless of the circumstances.

OP posts:
Woody68 · 24/06/2019 19:23

If the woman's dragging has caused proper grazing to the girls legs then you must absolutely report it. That is abuse.
But I find it hard to think that significant fresh grazing to both shins would not raise concens. Knees are commonly grazed. Shins not.
grazing

NameChangeNugget · 24/06/2019 19:32

You did exactly the right thing OP Flowers

baconsandwichandanegg · 25/06/2019 02:28

Empathy for someone hurting their child? Do you also empathise with men that hit their wives? Have those women 'pushed them to the end of their tether?'

There's a lot of victim blaming going on in this thread under the guise of empathy and moral superiority.

notangelinajolie · 25/06/2019 02:37

In this situation I think you should be less judgy and leave the mum parent their naughty child as they see fit. And you should concentrate on your own DC's behaviour who no doubt is/are perfect

expat101 · 25/06/2019 03:32

You did the best thing at the time and have continued so by reporting it. How anyone could have a ''prepared speech'' to say the right thing at the right time is beyond me, but your intentions were right.

dragonway · 25/06/2019 04:31

We’ve all been at breaking point but there’s no excuse for physical violence like that. Report it to social services. I’m betting they already have a file open on this woman.

Dragongirl10 · 25/06/2019 05:54

You did the right thing op.
On another note what on earth is wrong with posters here who show more compassion for an abusive woman than an innocent 7 yr old.

End of her tether/reaching breaking point.?? really?..it is totally wrong to abuse a child because you cannot bloody cope, she should get a grip and behave like an adult...some people are not fit to be parents.

All of us have had damn difficult days with our children but choose to behave like an adult and control ourselves, l would have had much firmer words.

The 2 yr old could have been on reins, if the DD was known to run off and then the woman could have easily held her DDs hand firmly, and held the 2 yr old safely too.

Poor, poor children.I would report her to SS without hesitation for the sake of protecting the Dcs.

Sockwomble · 25/06/2019 05:55

If the child was being pulled across a playground in a way that was causing their shins to drag along the floor, I am very suprised that in a playground full of parents, other parents didn't also get involved. The child's legs would be covered in grazes and bleeding. I also think you are exaggerating.

EmeraldShamrock · 25/06/2019 07:48

I also think you are exaggerating
Me too.
The child would have to be on the ground being dragged by the backpack, I find it very hard to believe a teacher wouldn't stop this.
Can you clarify if the DC was actually on the ground getting dragged, or standing being pulled by the backpack.
Either way is to forceful, I find it hard to believe a teacher or more parents would intervene if she was on the ground.

Handsoffmysweets · 25/06/2019 07:56

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

NotStrongYet · 25/06/2019 08:18

I will clarify since some people don't believe me. As I said, we arrived at school early for sibling photo shoots (so not that many people were around). The school office is at the front of the school but I've not long passed my driving test and parking at the front of the school involves parallel parking (which isn't my strong point), so I park near the back gate in a little car park. Going in for the sibling shoot means going in through the office so understandably, there was no one else at the back gate other than me and the mum in question. There were however, 2 other parents I think, in the whole of the playground but at the opposite end from where we were when the dragging started. I will clarify again for those who are unsure the girl was being dragged. The soles of her feet were not on the floor. I'm sure had more people been there, others would have intervened but as it happened, I was the only person in the vicinity at the time.

You can accuse me of exaggerating but why would I? Why would I make this up? Why would I end up in tears over witnessing this if in fact, the girl wasn't being dragged at all? Why would I want to report another mum for something they hadn't done? Why would I approach the mum if she wasn't posing a danger to her child?

OP posts:
EmeraldShamrock · 25/06/2019 08:25

the girl was being dragged. The soles of her feet were not on the floor
Okay it is not I don't believe you.
I pictured it differently from your description.
I thought the young girl was on the ground, knees and shined being grazed being dragged like a sack.
It is never okay to manhandle a child, just thought dragging her along like a sack in public was unbelievable, if I saw that I'd call the police immediately.

Dragongirl10 · 25/06/2019 08:31

Op l cannot belive some do not believe you! Forget them, you did the right thing, l would have been very upset too.

Sockwomble · 25/06/2019 08:31

As I said before I have years of experience of moving a child who is resisting being moved and dragging a 7 year old child so low that their shins are dragging along the floor would be physically very difficult to do.

EmeraldShamrock · 25/06/2019 08:33

Her poor daughters legs were being dragged along the concrete
This is why I pictured her in the ground, bot feet lifted off the ground.

RunningFeisty · 25/06/2019 08:35

Fuck me if I was her daughter I'd run away as well. Abusive behaviour not excused by her daughter's actions.

OP please contact social services at your earliest convenience. I was left in a similar situation and no one helped me. I was then thrown out aged 15.

EmeraldShamrock · 25/06/2019 08:35

Her poor daughters legs were being dragged along the concrete

the girl was being dragged. The soles of her feet were not on the floor

I don't condone abuse of any kind, I believe an incident happened but which was it.
You have given 2 different descriptions.

Runningbackwards · 25/06/2019 08:37

OP if you do the school run - how do you have time at 08.18 to put such detailed updates on MN?
Am I saying I dont think any of this actually happend? - having read the thread I do have doubts.

Sockwomble · 25/06/2019 08:37

Sometimes when a child is being a danger to themselves and other people, it is necessary to manhandle a child. Usually you would use the backpack to push them along.

BjornAgain81 · 25/06/2019 08:38

I'm struggling to visualise how her shins were dragging if she had shoes on.

Aaarrgghh · 25/06/2019 08:38

I want to ask a question to those who said all the mothers actions were wrong. What would you do in that situation? If an older child has ran off and could be hit by a car and you have a two year old what do you do? If you go and grab the child and leave the two year old you are in the wrong, if you stay with the two year old and leave the older child to run off, again you would be in the wrong. Also, if you grab the two year old and try to catch up to the older child and don’t manage to would you also be in the wrong? It doesn’t seem like the mother could have done anything without being in the wrong. My brother was a runner etc and I’m not joking sometimes we had to just pin him down and it would be scary to those who don’t understand. He did get hit by a van one day, it was awful and he wasn’t running off etc but since seeing that I think I’d rather drag my child into school whatever way possible than have a car hit them. I’m not saying don’t report in the hope she gets some help, I’m just saying that personally, I’d rather a child with grazed shins than dead on the road.

TruthOnTrial · 25/06/2019 08:43

girl was being dragged. The soles of her feet were not on the floor

The soles of her feet were not on the floor, this means either she was lifted off the floor (carried) and therefore the soles of her feet didn't reach the floor, or, her legs were dragging along the concrete?

What i take it to mean is her legs were being dragged across concrete, and therefore harmed

Which was it?

Woody68 · 25/06/2019 08:53

Your clarification doesn't clarify.
The mum was moving at a 2 year olds pace? So how could the child not get the soles of her feet on the ground? I just cannot visualise this at all. Am I the only one?

TruthOnTrial · 25/06/2019 08:56

I also wouldn't be getting my 2yo out of the car with a runner!

Thats setting yourself up to fail...

You cannot possibly hope to manage both without serious risk to both, unless the 2 yo is strapped in and secured, either in the car or pushchair.

Effectively this is like having two toddlers, only one is extremely fast!

What do you do? I wouldnt just let both out, for sure! It's going to happen with risk to both.

In all my years of school and taking my ownn to school ive never seen this happen. It would be very worried for both and the DM. Surely she cant just turn up to schook today and do exactly the same again? I know i wouldn't.

Woody68 · 25/06/2019 08:56

As anyone who has skinned their knees on a school playground will know, to be dragged the full length would cause deep serious injury

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