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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

would you have your wedding on your birthday as a twin?

369 replies

Zipliner · 24/06/2019 08:11

my fiancé suggested that we have our wedding on my birthday and i am excited over this...
but my twin feels its unfair as our birthday would no longer take prominence within the family
if you were a twin would you consider this or should i just give this idea up?

OP posts:
AryaStarkWolf · 24/06/2019 11:33

oh I pushed YANBU before I read it'll be your 40ths, bit unfair in that case

MyCheapViolin · 24/06/2019 11:36

My parents were married on my father's birthday and their divorce was a particularly acrimonious one.

My brother got engaged to his ex on her birthday. They regularly split up and both sleep around.

BowiesJumper · 24/06/2019 11:36

No I wouldn't do this, bit mean!

BowiesJumper · 24/06/2019 11:37

No, it would be really mean.

PippiDeLena · 24/06/2019 11:38

@Bloomburger

Unless you're getting married as a child or on say your 21st or 30th I can't see why your twin would be upset.

Please read the thread. The dripfeed was that it's actually their 40th birthday.

AryaStarkWolf · 24/06/2019 11:39

My parents were married on my father's birthday and their divorce was a particularly acrimonious one.

My brother got engaged to his ex on her birthday. They regularly split up and both sleep around.

Do you really believe that it was because of the day they got married though? I would imagine it was for other reasons .............

TheZeppo · 24/06/2019 11:40

I’m a twin. I wouldn’t care, but as she clearly does- YABU.

MyCheapViolin · 24/06/2019 11:42

No of course I fucking don't. But my dad bitches that it has forever ruined his birthday. The fuckwit.

lyralalala · 24/06/2019 11:42

Getting married on your sister’s 40th birthday is just mean and rude imo.

The fact that it’s also your birthday, and your 40th, adds to that.

It also means that any landmark birthdays for you and your twin will potentially be overshadowed by your 10th/20th wedding anniversary.

And if you get divorced the day will be tainted for you forever and your sister will end up with pressure not to celebrate her own birthday.

Your sister has asked you not too, unless you want to fall out with her then just don’t

ddl1 · 24/06/2019 11:44

I think you are being a bit U, given that your twin has asked you to choose another day. I may be the wrong person to comment here, as I absolutely hate my birthday, and would never choose it as the day for an important event, because I would find it a downer and almost as though it would bring bad luck. But as you and your twin obviously don't feel like that, I think it's a bad idea for a different reason: on your wedding day itself, and on all subsequent birthdays/anniversaries, family members and friends will have to choose between attending your anniversary-birthday celebrations and your twin's birthday celebrations. Unless you are guaranteed to always live very close to each other, that's a recipe for petty family conflicts: 'But why did you go to HERS and not MINE?' 'DH: I really want to celebrate our anniversary just as a couple: why do we have to travel to Twin's birthday?' The fact that you share a birthday could cause some such problems anyway: why risk aggravating them? Also wouldn't you really prefer in the future to have a birthday celebration AND an anniversary celebration, rather than combining the two? But the strongest reason is just that your twin has asked for this, and since there are 364 other days in the year, and it is not part of wedding conventions to have it on your birthday, I think it's only fair to accommodate her.

patchisagoodpup · 24/06/2019 11:46

Nope. Pick another day, get another celebration!

mydogisthebest · 24/06/2019 11:48

I think your twin is being unfair. I wanted to get married on my birthday but thanks to MIL we didn't. It still annoys me 40 years later.

I know that if we had got married on my birthday DH would still have got me cards and presents for both.

needsomesleepy · 24/06/2019 11:55

Unless you're getting married as a child or on say your 21st or 30th I can't see why your twin would be upset.

So not on a 21st or 30th but 40th is ok Hmm

Original poster
Zipliner · 24/06/2019 12:03

i feel we have always shared everything and done things together even when we didnt feel like because it is what is expected
same university (it made financial sense) same graduation day, 21st, 30th and many other events which i didnt feel like doing them together but had to because we are twins
getting married on my birthday would mean that im branching out on my own and also i suggested we celebrate 41st because we had 3 major birthdays celebrations before

i regeret switching the vote button as its making me feel shitty

OP posts:
lyralalala · 24/06/2019 12:06

getting married on my birthday would mean that im branching out on my own and also i suggested we celebrate 41st because we had 3 major birthdays celebrations before

No it wouldn’t. It would mean that your wedding and anniversary will always be your joint birthday and, if there’s a fall out, remembered as the day you trampled over your sister’s request not to make your joint birthday all about you.

If you want to branch out then pick a date that means nothing to do with your sister. So the date you and DF met, the date you got engaged, the date you first went to a party without your twin.

Choosing your birthday is the opposite to branching out. It’s adding your husband to your birthday.

lyralalala · 24/06/2019 12:07

You can have separate 40th birthday celebrations without you absolutely hijacking the day for yourself.

peachsquish · 24/06/2019 12:15

Your last update makes it sound that you have already decided on the wedding date based on the fact that you dont like sharing a birthday.

Sakura7 · 24/06/2019 12:15

getting married on my birthday would mean that im branching out on my own

I don't get the logic here. Surely picking another date is branching out, as it's special to you and DH and has nothing to do with your twin?

It seems you feel that in order to branch out you have to take something away from your sister. You are stealing her 40th birthday away from her and making it all about you.

AryaStarkWolf · 24/06/2019 12:17

because we are twins
getting married on my birthday would mean that im branching out on my own and also i suggested we celebrate 41st because we had 3 major birthdays celebrations before

So you're telling her she can't have a 40th birthday party and telling her she can have a 41st instead? That's so selfish and mean

Spinnaret · 24/06/2019 12:19

If it is making you feel shitty, that is probably a big clue that you know what you are suggesting is wrong.

Most couples do something to mark their anniversary, be it a meal or a weekend away, or just an evening to themselves. Your sister would always feel she could no longer invite you to celebrate your birthday together because it coincides with your anniversary.

boobirdblue · 24/06/2019 12:19

i feel we have always shared everything and done things together even when we didnt feel like because it is what is expected
same university (it made financial sense) same graduation day, 21st, 30th and many other events which i didnt feel like doing them together but had to because we are twins
getting married on my birthday would mean that im branching out on my own and also i suggested we celebrate 41st because we had 3 major birthdays celebrations before

Your twin has another major birthday now, that you're selfishly taking to make your own.

YABVVVU

FriarTuck · 24/06/2019 12:20

If you want to branch out then pick a date that means nothing to do with your sister. So the date you and DF met, the date you got engaged, the date you first went to a party without your twin.
This ^^ surely? And if you don't want joint celebrations with your twin from now on then don't, she can still celebrate on her own. But if you get married on her 40th birthday then you're doing it out of spite to stop her celebrating at all.

Lweji · 24/06/2019 12:21

getting married on my birthday would mean that im branching out on my own

It doesn't at all.
It means you're excluding your sister and robbing her of celebrating her own birthday.

You're not marrying the same man, FFS. You're already branching out.

Ihatemyseleffordoingthis · 24/06/2019 12:24

"getting married on my birthday would mean that im branching out on my own and also i suggested we celebrate 41st because we had 3 major birthdays celebrations before"

do you have to "branch out on your own" in quite such a dramatic manner and one which is bound to cause, in fact is already causing, hurt?

tbh - I think this will badly backfire on you. Most people go out of their way to avoid other people's special occasions for their own.

MarthasGinYard · 24/06/2019 12:25

'getting married on my birthday would mean that im branching out on my own'

Bloody hell if you haven't already managed this in 40 years then I'd have a word with yourself.

I think it's a shitty thing to do.

Strange thing for your DP to suggest too....wants to cause a slight undercurrent perhaps....

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