would you have your wedding on your birthday as a twin?

[Zipliner]

my fiancé suggested that we have our wedding on my birthday and i am excited over this...
but my twin feels its unfair as our birthday would no longer take prominence within the family
if you were a twin would you consider this or should i just give this idea up?

I just saw the drip feed of you turning 40 and I still think she's being childish.

Maybe getting married on her 40th birthday would be incredibly special to the OP, it sounds like a wonderful way to really celebrate her birthday and wedding.

Yes they're twins but they are also their own individual people and the OP shouldn't have to forgo something that's important and special to her just because her twin is throwing a strop about it.

The wants/wishes of her twin do not override the wishes of the OP in terms of when she wants her wedding.

Really don't see what the big deal is?

You don't understand why the Ops twin does not want to be forced to spend her 40th birthday celebrating her sisters wedding/birthday on a day that will be all about her sister? Some people literally baffle me, you might not be bothered about your birthday but me personally I'd at least like to be given a choice on how to celebrate and I don't think that would make me childish.

Not to mention the Op asked and her sister said no thank you why ask if she already thought it perfectly reasonable?

I wonder how many people voted YANBU before reading the drip feed? The voting box really needs to be at the end of the thread, not the beginning.

You can change your answer anyway - although YABU is winning by 81% at the moment, so most people are in agreement that this is pretty unreasonable!

So your 10th wedding anniversary will be your 50th birthday? And 20th, your 60th birthday? Etc etc
You are basically going to clash forever. Your dh is trying to muscle in to your sibling relationship. Or he’s just oblivious.

Yabvu.

Your TWIN has said no. It's a milestone birthday on top of that. I think it's very unfair to make one day in a year all about you and disregarding any plans your twin sister may wish to make go celebrate her birthday.

Twin relationships are incredibly complicated because of the always having to share aspect.

On this occasion your twin sister does not want to share.

It does feel a little lazy on the part of your fiancé too. He's effectively saying he wants to celebrate your birthday and marriage together because, well, then he won't have to make arrangements for the other. All your friends and family will be there. It's one date instead of two for him to remember going forward.

And your sister is utterly sidelined for every milestone going forward.

It would be interesting to know the dynamic between the two of you growing up.

I have b/g twins and have to remind people they are twins. But when you're same sex or even identical, it's obvious and the two of you are forever paired in people's minds.

What is it which is driving you, or your fiancé, to dominate one day in the calendar so much?

The wants/wishes of her twin do not override the wishes of the OP in terms of when she wants her wedding.

Its not about when the Op wants her wedding, it wasn't even her idea. It sounds very much like it's about her Husband to be thinking he is more important and trying to control their relationship.

By all means the OP should go ahead with it but I wouldn't expect my twin to speak to me again if I acted like such a shellfish twat. We might be individuals but honestly what options does the twin have she can hardly have her own party or celebration when everyone will be at the wedding.

It's a special birthday and your twin doesn't want you to do it so why would you? Choose another day.

You don't understand why the Ops twin does not want to be forced to spend her 40th birthday celebrating her sisters wedding/birthday on a day that will be all about her sister?

Alternatively the sister decides to celebrate her 40th with friends, and then has to endure rude comments from her family about missing her sisters wedding.

She's being put in a shit situation whichever option she chooses, and to think the OP could just pick another date and instantly resolve all the conflict.

By all means the OP should go ahead with it but I wouldn't expect my twin to speak to me again if I acted like such a shellfish twat

You wouldn’t expect your twin to speak to you again over a birthday?! That’s a bit bonkers!

I’m not bothered about birthdays, at all, to the point of forgetting about my own, and even I think this is a monumentally bad idea.

My first thought, like pps, was that your fiancé is trying to damage your relationship with your twin, and what’s really sad here is that you’re going along with it!

It's a bonkers idea! What's your / your fiancé's reasoning for why it would be a good plan?

I like spacing out celebrations when I can because it means you always have something to look forward to and celebrations don't clash.

In this case you'd be rubbing your twin's nose in it a bit ( are they single or married already?) and any future parties will clash with your anniversary so you'll always have to either celebrate one another day, or combined it.

I second suggesting you go it on your fiancé's birthday and see if he's so keen then!

The wants/wishes of her twin do not override the wishes of the OP in terms of when she wants her wedding except its clear the op wants to get married, provsy around that time but not specifically then. So her wants wishes for her wedding actually don't include overshadowing her sisters 40th birthday.

I wanted to get married exactly a year from our engagement date, we even booked the church. Our venue couldn't do it so we delayed it by a week. My wedding wasn'tess special for being a week later

You wouldn’t expect your twin to speak to you again over a birthday?! That’s a bit bonkers!

Its quite clearly not just about a birthday. It's about being selfish and not understanding other peoples opinions. I suspect like many on this thread that the OPs poor sister has endured years of being overshadowed.

I got married on my birthday, for an odd reason totally unrelated to my birthday, but anyway, not sure it was a good idea as anniversaries are a bit 'meh' for my partner as its my birthday first.

I think it would be a bit unfair on your twin, perhaps you could get married the day before and have a big party on your birthday as you will be able to invite lots of family and friends, make a big event out of it?

So your post should have said aibu to get married on my sister's 40th birthday and yes, yes you are very, very U.

You wouldn’t expect your twin to speak to you again over a birthday?! That’s a bit bonkers!

Way to minimise there. It's the utter selfishness and lack of respect for her twin that's the issue here. If it's part of a pattern of behaviour then the twin would be justified to be honest.

"The wants/wishes of her twin do not override the wishes of the OP in terms of when she wants her wedding."

they do, if the OP actually gives a toss about her relationship with her sister

Attitudes like this say so much about why sometimes the world is such a brittle, unco-operative place. Why is it fine to do whatever the fuck you want, even if it upsets one of the people you are closest to? All this assertiveness for the sake of it, so miserable.

Anyway, as I said upthread, there is something weird going on here re the DH to be and wanting to create conflict in the twins relationship.

of all the other days you could choose your fiance is choosing this one. what a selfish arse he is.

Get him to choose another date.

Oh, feck! Doh! This: So your 10th wedding anniversary will be your 50th birthday? And 20th, your 60th birthday? Etc etc

Completely changed my mind, I now think you are being utterly unreasonable, OP. It would be fine for you to do that if you didn't have a twin, then it would affect you (and your husband) alone and you could do whatever you wanted. And anyway, it's much more fun to have two separate occasions to celebrate, why not?!

Why would you cause upset to your twin when there's no need at all ? Choose another date, move on.

And looking at it from your twin’s perspective, she’s shared her birthday with you her entire life, now she has to share it with your wedding day too?

This was my first thought too. As if permanently sharing your birthday/special day with a sibling isn't bad enough, now you want to hone in a third person too?

Both you and your partner sound very selfish. If I was your twin I wouldn't be at the wedding as I'd be out celebrating my birthday with my friends.

It’s just a birthday- she’s not 8 years old anymore. I’d personally love to spend my birthday at a wedding especially if it was close family

Yes they're twins but they are also their own individual people and the OP shouldn't have to forgo something that's important and special to her just because her twin is throwing a strop about it.

The wants/wishes of her twin do not override the wishes of the OP in terms of when she wants her wedding.

You can easily reverse that though and say one sister's wedding doesn't override the other's desire to celebrate her 40th in her own way. So by your reasoning, one sister would be perfectly fine to not attend the wedding and go off to celebrate her 40th on her own?

Would she also be entitled to invite close friends and family to her 40th birthday? Or would that be rude to her sister who was getting married on that day?

Why would you cause upset to your twin when there's no need at all ? Choose another date, move on.

This.

It's about being selfish and not understanding other peoples opinions. I suspect like many on this thread that the OPs poor sister has endured years of being overshadowed

So it’s possible many people are projecting?

As I said in my first post, now the twin has objected the OP really should choose another date. That doesn’t mean I can’t consider adults who make such a fuss about their birthdays precious.

Of course there might be more too it, however I’ve met adults like that before and it’s utterly tiresome.