After opinions on naming DS as DH and I are at a bit of stalemate!

[WeCantDecide]

DH and I are expecting our first baby mid-August. We know we’re having a boy and have recently been talking about baby names. I’m going to change the names I’m using but to make it easier to follow-

My DH - Fred
My DF - Bob
DH’s DF (FIL) - Dave
My DGF - Steve
DH’s DGF (DGFIL) - Chris

None of these names are the actual names we’re thinking of but the actual names are all classic, traditional boys names, nothing outlandish.

I’ll start by saying that both my DF and DGF have passed away- my DH never met my DGF as he died when we’d been together about 4 months. He did however meet my DF who died when we’d been together nearly two years. Both DFIL and DGFIL still alive and kicking.

So to begin with I suggested naming DS Steve Dave Bob Surname (which is actually a name I’ve wanted for a potential DS for a really long time) and then potential DS2 could be called Chris Fred Surname. DH wasn’t keen as obviously there’s no guarantee that we’ll have another DS or even another baby, and he really wants to use DGFIL’s name. Fair enough.

So today I suggested Bob Steve Chris Surname. The way I saw it, that was a reasonable compromise. DH had a think and came back with Bob Chris Surname (so DGFIL’s name would be the only middle name, leaving out my DGF). One of DH’s objections to my suggestion was that he didn’t want DS to have a shitload of names, but I pointed out that two middle names is fairly common.

He then said he thought DFIL might be a bit hurt that we’ve used my DF and DGFs names and not his, and also that he (DH) really wanted to make more of a “thing” of using DGFIL’s name as he thinks that DGFIL would be really touched by the gesture and it would mean a lot to him (DGFIL). He said that if DGFIL had already passed away that he (DH) wouldn’t feel so strongly about it, but it he really wants to do this for DGFIL.

I do see where he’s coming from but the way I see it, whilst DFIL and DGFIL may not be having their names used as a sort of main name for DS, what they do get is the chance to actually be in our DS’s life. DFIL gets to be a Grandfather and DGFIL gets to be a Great-Grandfather. Since my DF and DGF will never have that chance, this is my way of remembering them. AIBU?

I’ve no flipping idea. That’s all unbelievably confusing.

This thread is so long and wordy. Can you do a TLDR on what names we’re voting for?

IsabellaLinton thanks for your contribution I guess...

@WeCantDecide

You’ve made it pretty bloody difficult to

Sorry, OP but I think I was starting to see names swimming in front of my eyes, halfway through.

My opinion with naming babies was: they have DP's surname so I chose the first names. And as I could have refused to give them his surname then that was pretty non-negotiable.

Your options as I see them Give your son 5 names (4+surname).

You pick one name from your side of the family, your DH picks one name on his side. Tough luck about the missed out names. Fingers crossed you have another son.

Don't use any of the names. Pick a name that both you and your DH love that will belong to your son and him alone. Your new baby is not a living breathing memorial stone.

Hithere12 I don’t want to put the actual names as it would be a bit outing, as a few friends and family know the names we’ve been thinking of.

I can’t really explain it any better than I already have but I guess...

I first suggested - DGF DFIL DF Surname (name I’ve always really liked). DH said no because he wants to use DGFIL’s name.

So then I suggested - DF DGF DGFIL Surname. DH said no because too many names, wants DGFILs name to be more prominent.

DH wants - DF DGFIL Surname.

Hope that helps!

Then I would say that you want to double barrel the surname

Your new baby is not a living breathing memorial stone.

Do you say that to everyone who names their kid after a much loved deceased relative?

I think it is pretty clearly set out.

However, I don't really like the dea of naming babies after previous generations. I think everyone new person should start off in life with their own name. (Yes, I know lots of other people have that name, but, within their own families).
If you do want to name after grandparents, then I think your dh is right, you should be naming after one of yours and one of his, given that they are all pretty similar types of names. I think it would be quite strange to name after your df and dgf but not his if he would like to.
You are both the baby's parents.

I think it would be quite strange to name after your df and dgf but not his if he would like to.

The baby will be carrying on his family name.

Your dh is right. One name from each side.

BackforGood I’ve no objection at all to using DGFILs name as a middle name, but DH wants it to be the only middle name. Not because of a one-of-each principle but just because he thinks it’ll be more of a gesture to DGFIL. He’s not at all fussed about using DFILs name except for the concern about hurting DFILs feelings if we don’t.

And yes they’ll get DHs Surname- I kept my own name when we got married. Double barrelling them would sound ridiculous so that’s not really an option.

And yes they’ll get DHs Surname- I kept my own name when we got married. Double barrelling them would sound ridiculous so that’s not really an option.

It was to make a point. His surname will be carried in down generations.

Bizarre.

Make a new name, it will be easier.

@wecantdecide No, just you.
Honestly I don't mean to be unkind, I do understand the sentiment, but really where do you draw the line here? There is no reasonable answer for this, both you and your DH love your relatives and you can't rationalise picking one name over another with logic. So unless you use all of them you will risk somebody being upset. In the end, your person is a brand new person so why not choose him a brand new name and save yourselves all this heartache.

Again, DH isn’t suggesting it because of a one-of-each principle but just because he thinks it’ll be more of a gesture to DGFIL. He said if DGFIL wasn’t still with us he’d be more than happy to used my 2nd suggestion but he thinks DGFIL will be really touched.

Can’t the kid just have one part of his name that’s not named after someone else

your baby is a brand new person, obv.

Honestly, ever other name we’ve thought of we’ve been a bit “meh” about. These are the only ones we really actually like.

I think the fairest thing is if you each choose one family name to use, i.e. what your husband has suggested. Or pick a middle name each and have a non-family first name.

Your son is a new person in his own right, he doesn’t have to be named after every male relative you have!

If you leave out all the family names do you both not have a name that you just love?
How about when you meet him see what name fits iyswim?
I m the first born. My grandmothers (still very much alive then) i think expected my parents to name me either Mary or Wilhelmina.
My parents were 25 years old. They wanted a name completely different and just for me.
Nobody had my name at school but its actually REALLY popular now.
With my own dc i chose names i liked.
Have a think about other choices?

Again, DH hasn’t suggested it out of some desire for equality. He wants DGFILs name to be the only middle name as DGFIL is still alive and DH wants to make him happy.

Just go for something no of them are called and then you each get a middle name each. Doesn’t matter what order the middle names are no one uses them.