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Original poster

Daughter branded as rude by another parent for not saying thank you when given a lift

483 replies

interestingdays · 23/06/2019 19:56

My daughter's friend (both aged 8) told her that her mum thinks she's rude because she didnt say please or thank you when giving her a lift, recently. My daughter is generally v polite and manners are important to us. Does make me cross to think shes been judged and I'm straining not to send a message to say how upsetting it is to hear she's being branded as rude. My daughter is usually v polite but didnt know the mum and this was a new 'friend'. She may just have been v shy and uncertain.

OP posts:
honeygirlz · 23/06/2019 21:30

I really doubt all the people here rushing to call an 8yo child rude remembered to say thank you for something every single time, especially a stranger.

ThreeAnkleBiters · 23/06/2019 21:30

Why would a kid say thank you for a lift? Do your kids say thank you to their parents for driving them to school every day? Unless the kid would otherwise have made their own way home of course they don't think to thank whoever drives them. I would always make sure I say thank you when someone has dropped my kid home though!

herculepoirot2 · 23/06/2019 21:31

it doesn't occur to them to thank the other mum because as far as they're concerned the other mum has just done something their mum would otherwise have done.

Really not in my experience. Kids say thank you. My child will thank people who give her a lift or she won’t be going places!

Sakura7 · 23/06/2019 21:31

If you are feeling annoyed it should be with your dd for not showing good manners and saying please and thank you.

Annoyed with a child for being a child? FFS.

What is wrong with people? Agree with a PP, there's a sizeable number on this thread with pokers shoved firmly up their backsides. Chill the fuck out.

I'm not saying you don't teach good manners, of course you do. But understand that kids might forget now and then and they don't deserve this ridiculous reaction.

Celebelly · 23/06/2019 21:32

Eight years old is when you become an adult on MN.

ThreeAnkleBiters · 23/06/2019 21:32

@Ivegotthree
I can 100% guarantee you your kids forgot sometimes.

In this case why would you not say thank you to the parent yourself rather than expecting your kid to relay the message for you (after all as PP noted the favour was done for you not for your child). I thin you're very rude and lacking in manners for asking kids to relay your thank you for you. Shame your parent didn't teach you better manners!

purpleboy · 23/06/2019 21:33

I guess based on a fair amount of these posts we can see why there are so many rude children about!
8 is old enough to know your manners, if you haven't thought to teach her then your not doing her any favours.

Friedspamfritters · 23/06/2019 21:34

Sometimes there are parents at my DC's school who complain endlessly about the behaviour of other kids completely oblivious to the way their own kids behave when they're not there. Sometimes I wonder how they can be so naive. Then I realise they're probably MNers!

Frangipane · 23/06/2019 21:36

Yes my example was different. I told it because I intended to show an example of real rudeness. I do, however, think children should be taught to say thank you when someone does them a favour/service, even if it was something arranged between the parents. Am I missing a post, as I can't actually see where the OP says it was something she arranged? But even if it was, it is still incumbent upon the child having the lift to say thank you, as well as the parent who has been saved the bother of picking up her child. It is called good manners and they should never go out of fashion.

Hithere12 · 23/06/2019 21:36

To all the people calling an 8 year old “rude” you are absolutely pathetic.

If you think her behaviour is incorrect then your issue is with her parent not her.

Friedspamfritters · 23/06/2019 21:37

I guess based on a fair amount of these posts we can see why there are so many rude children about!
8 is old enough to know your manners, if you haven't thought to teach her then your not doing her any favours.

I agree I bet your kids are as rude an unkind as you are! Why would an 8 year old thank someone else's parents for a lift if they don't thank their own parents? It's the job of the parent to thank the other parent for a lift because they've had their time saved. The child hasn't had any favour done for them so will probably forget.

Even if a thank you was required from the child (e.g. they've been to tea at your house, or been handed a party bag etc) It would be massively petty and mean spirited to dwell on it if it was forgotten on an odd occasion. Someone who would be bothered by this needs to look inward and become a nicer, kinder person.

cherry2727 · 23/06/2019 21:37

Eight years old is when you become an adult on MN.

GrinGrinGrinGrinthis ^^

herculepoirot2 · 23/06/2019 21:38

If you think her behaviour is incorrect then your issue is with her parent not her.

Assuming this is her normal behaviour, it is the parent’s fault the girl is being rude, not hers. You can tell from reading some of these posts why so many kids do behave rudely - their parents honestly don’t know what manners are!

Friedspamfritters · 23/06/2019 21:38

I do, however, think children should be taught to say thank you when someone does them a favour/service, even if it was something arranged between the parents.

But in this case they haven't had a favour done for them. The kid would have been driven home either way - it's not a favour for the kid it's a favour for their parent.

Serenity333 · 23/06/2019 21:40

I agree. Poor girl just didnt for whatever reason on this occasion-im sure it wasnt done to be purposefully rude. Maybe if this was the 2nd or 3rd ride wirhout thanks but give her a break! No worth messaging the Mum though, just remind your daughter for next time :)

Mumofone25391 · 23/06/2019 21:41

Maybe she said it to her daughter to try and teach her manners, e.g. 'interestingdays daughter didn't say thank you, you must always say thank you when someone gives you a lift or its rude'. I don't think a mum would just say 'interestingdays daughter is rude' out of the blue to her child?

Hithere12 · 23/06/2019 21:41

But in this case they haven't had a favour done for them. The kid would have been driven home either way - it's not a favour for the kid it's a favour for their parent

Yes this

butterflywings37 · 23/06/2019 21:43

They were still given a lift so a thank you is required.

A lot of these posts show why so many children and young people have no manners or respect these days!!

From an early age my children were taught manners for items, door holding, waiting for them to walk through a doorway, in fact anything that someone else did for them - giving a lift, no matter who asked them to do it, it something that should have included a thank you.

8 is definitely old enough to say thank you - on this occasion your child was rude

piggybrownhare · 23/06/2019 21:44

The child is only 8 years old. I would fully expect and older child/teenager to say thank you, but come on, she is 8 yrs old?! I would however expect her Mum to say thank you on her behalf. I would certainly say thank you if someone gave one of my daughters a lift.

SalmonFajitas · 23/06/2019 21:48

Why would a kid thank me for driving them home? Do your 8 year olds thank you for driving them places? If not why would they start thanking other adults because of some agreement between their parents which the could had no part in? Their parent should thank me since I've saved them the trouble of picking up their own kid. Once they become teenagers who can make their own way about I do expect a thank you though. It wouldn't bother me if they forgot once or twice but if they never said thanks I'd be less inclined to give another lift.

BarbarianMum · 23/06/2019 21:48

Was she rude on this occasion? Yes. Is it a big deal? No.

WineGummyBear · 23/06/2019 21:48

A same thing happened to me at a similar age. My friend told me that her dad always commented that I was rude as I never thanked him for the lift (our parents used to alternate weeks).

It made me feel horrible BUT I do think it's helpful for kids to be reminded about manners by people other than their parents. Ps and Qs are easy for kids to forget so reminders are helpful.

BackforGood · 23/06/2019 21:49

@InACheeseAndPickle where I live, you get off the bus at the front, by the driver (like on a coach) and lots of people thank the driver - I know I do, automatically.

As @DtPeabodysLoosePants points out, if parents have modelled polite behaviour for 8 yrs, then it would have just been automatic, not really something a NT 8 yr old would have to think about.

YourSarcasmIsDripping · 23/06/2019 21:49

Was she rude on this occasion? Yes. Is it a big deal? No.

This sums it up really .(for both mothers involved)

herculepoirot2 · 23/06/2019 21:49

Why would a kid thank me for driving them home? Do your 8 year olds thank you for driving them places?

I expect my 8 year old to know the difference between me driving them somewhere and someone else doing it. It’s my job to parent them. Someone else is doing it to be kind. A thank you is in order.