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Original poster

Daughter branded as rude by another parent for not saying thank you when given a lift

483 replies

interestingdays · 23/06/2019 19:56

My daughter's friend (both aged 8) told her that her mum thinks she's rude because she didnt say please or thank you when giving her a lift, recently. My daughter is generally v polite and manners are important to us. Does make me cross to think shes been judged and I'm straining not to send a message to say how upsetting it is to hear she's being branded as rude. My daughter is usually v polite but didnt know the mum and this was a new 'friend'. She may just have been v shy and uncertain.

OP posts:
higherforce · 23/06/2019 21:11

I think she is 8 and I wouldn't bat an eyelid if an 8 year old didn't thank me for a lift.

^^this.

Kids this age are still learning politeness formulae. It's hardly the biggest mistake. Am sure she will do it if you remind her for next time. People are being very judgemental I think.

herculepoirot2 · 23/06/2019 21:12

I don’t quite get how this is “labelling”. She just said she thought your DD was rude. Rightly or wrongly, the opinion is based on her experience of your child’s behaviour.

MiniEggAddiction · 23/06/2019 21:13

Bloody hell some posters here would probably be appalled if they saw how their own kids acted outside the home! They have no idea whatsoever!

I don't expect an 8 year old to thank me for a lift - surely their parent should be the one to thank me (although if they forget I wouldn't dwell on it because I'm not incredibly petty and mean spirited - unlike a fair few MN posters by the sounds of it!).

ChocChocButtons · 23/06/2019 21:13

Yeah she’s rude sorry 😐

Weathermonger · 23/06/2019 21:13

I'm just curious, for all those saying "she's only 8", at what age would you expect basic manners to kick in ? 9 ? 11? 16? Never ? If you're not too shy to accept a lift, then you shouldn't be too shy to say a quick thank you when you climb out. It's only 2 words after all.

rosesandcashmere · 23/06/2019 21:13

She was really rude so she was right to be judged as rude.

SignedUpJust4This · 23/06/2019 21:14

Inacheese I think you must live in a big city like London where you get in one door and out the other. Most other buses only have 1 door and you have to pass the driver on your way out in which case I usually here everyone say thank you on the way out and even in London it's not uncommon for someone to shout 'Cheers Drive' on way out.

OP instead of getting all upset about this you should remind your daughter to say pls & thanks and you should text a thank you to the mum. However, she was rude to talk about your daughter to her daughter.

AhhhHereItGoes · 23/06/2019 21:15

It was rude but she's also just 8.

If I was the Mum I'd think 'hmmm that's a bit rude - perhaps she was nervous? Hopefully she'll be more polite next time'

I think this is more an issue if she regularly didn't thank people or she was impolite in other ways, like constantly interrupting.

As it is, 8 year olds can just be deep in concentration in a conversation with their friend or may feel uncomfortable directly addressing an unfamiliar adult.

I certainly wouldn't write the child off forevermore.

Lizzie3869 · 23/06/2019 21:16

I often have my DDs' friends at our house for tea or for parties and it's hit and miss whether they remember to say thank you. They're often very shy in front of me and mostly just speak to my DDs anyway. Mostly the parents thank me on their behalf, as I do.

I certainly wouldn't comment to my DDs whether or not their friends remembered to say thank you. That doesn't seem very nice at all.

I'm not saying that it isn't important to teach children to say 'please' and 'thank you' obviously.

IvanaPee · 23/06/2019 21:16

Stop being so dramatic!

You don’t actually know what was said.

It could have been “Susie, remember you should say thanks for lifts as it’s rude not to” as a passing comment or when talking about it in general terms.

What a ridiculous thing to froth about!

I should hope that you DID text the mum to say thank you!

TwoOddSocks · 23/06/2019 21:16

This is plain stupid. Are people more concerned with manners or kindness? (Clearly the former for a lot of posters).

Why would you expect a little kid to thank you for a lift? Do your kids go and thank the coach driver that took them on a school trip (I'll clue you in no they don't because I've been on lots of school trips)? The lift was arranged without their knowledge because their parent couldn't be bothered - and in return the OP will probably save the other some time and give her DD a lift on another occasion. It is an arrangement between the mums to save both of them time and effort and doesn't affect the kid one way or the other. If anything it's probably inconvenient for a a shy kid who would rather her own parent collected her so she could relax.

herculepoirot2 · 23/06/2019 21:18

TwoOddSocks

I would, actually. I was taught to thank bus and coach drivers, taxi drivers, people in shops etc. It’s polite. By 8 a child should know that a person driving them and their friend somewhere needs a thank you. It’s not that hard (for an NT child).

Celebelly · 23/06/2019 21:19

These threads make me feel better about the kind of parent I aim to be as DD grows up. Are some people really so highly strung that they would care about an 8-year-old child, who seems otherwise polite, forgetting to say thank you for a lift their mum arranged? Confused I often feel thankful for my own mum when I read threads like this!

EdWinchester · 23/06/2019 21:19

Well she was rude on this occasion. Remind her about manners 🤷‍♀️

Cherrysherbet · 23/06/2019 21:20

I have an 8 yr old. If she didn’t say thank you for certain things, eg.. being given something like a party bag, or saying thank you for having me, then I would be cross. I don’t think she would necessarily think to say thank you for a lift?! This would be an arrangement between myself and a parent, and it would be me saying thank you.

I also wouldn’t think a child rude for not thanking me for a lift. I don’t think any of my DD’s friends ever have, and I can’t say it bothers me! It’s strange.

TwoOddSocks · 23/06/2019 21:21

@SignedUpJust4This

Even on the country buses near me people don't usually thank the driver - he's usually busy saying hi to the people getting on and it's really not necessary unless you're actually interacting with him/her. They're busy doing their job.

Frangipane · 23/06/2019 21:21

I think it was remiss of your dd not to say thank you, but it is hardly unheard of these days. I would say it is more the norm than not for my children's friends to not say thank you for a lift. I would like to think my children would be different but they are all very shy so I imagine, sadly, they are not. One boy in particular I remember. We live very close to the secondary school, but he lived about 10 miles away and sometimes missed the school bus home. My son would come home with him and ask me to drive his friend home, which I always did, and never ever once did the boy say thank you. Now that was rudeness!

Monestasi · 23/06/2019 21:22

How exhausting it must be to be offended by an 8 year old.

Littlekittystops · 23/06/2019 21:23

Text mother;

I am really sorry that dd forgot to say thank you for the lift on xx. We are both very grateful to you for the dropping her home’

End of.
She is only 8 ffs, she can forget her manners occasionally without judgement.

Watch out for such judgemental parents op. It will never end well. If it’s not manners it will be something else.

FullOfJellyBeans · 23/06/2019 21:23

Why would a kid say thank you for a lift? It's an arrangement between the parents and the parent of said kid (who would otherwise have had to collect themselves) should be the one saying thank you.

caringcarer · 23/06/2019 21:24

If you are feeling annoyed it should be with your dd for not showing good manners and saying please and thank you. You should remind her to do so next time.

FullOfJellyBeans · 23/06/2019 21:25

@Frangipane

That's different though. A secondary school pupil who would otherwise make their own way home should of course say thank you (especially since they're asking you to make a journey you wouldn't otherwise do).

An 8 year old isn't asking you for a lift to save her the effort of getting the bus or walking. Her mum is asking you to drive her home to save her mum the effort of driving herself. Her mum has had her time saved so she should say thank you.

herculepoirot2 · 23/06/2019 21:25

Why would a kid say thank you for a lift? It's an arrangement between the parents and the parent of said kid (who would otherwise have had to collect themselves) should be the one saying thank you.

I don’t think children think like this. The person driving the car is the person driving the car, and they see that they got from A to B because this person drove the car. Not saying thank you to that person because your parent arranged the lift is like not thanking the dinner lady because you paid for the food, or not thanking someone for a piece of birthday cake because someone else invited you to the party. It’s odd. And rude.

FullOfJellyBeans · 23/06/2019 21:28

@herculepoirot2

What? Kids think someone will drive me home from the party/school/whatever because I can't get home independently it doesn't occur to them to thank the other mum because as far as they're concerned the other mum has just done something their mum would otherwise have done. It's not a favour to them it's something they don't have the power to do themselves and something they had no part in arranging. They just do as they're told and get in whoever's car they're told.

Ivegotthree · 23/06/2019 21:28

I think she was rude. All of mine knew to say thank you at 8, even to people they don't know.

Basic manners.