Daughter branded as rude by another parent for not saying thank you when given a lift

[interestingdays]

My daughter's friend (both aged 8) told her that her mum thinks she's rude because she didnt say please or thank you when giving her a lift, recently. My daughter is generally v polite and manners are important to us. Does make me cross to think shes been judged and I'm straining not to send a message to say how upsetting it is to hear she's being branded as rude. My daughter is usually v polite but didnt know the mum and this was a new 'friend'. She may just have been v shy and uncertain.

I guarantee all these people who think their kids are perfect little angels 100% of the time are wrong. Kids forget sometimes, get distracted sometimes, etc. The poster going on about how much time and effort goes into giving someone a lift - guess what, the kid probably doesn't realise this.

How horrible to be so judgemental towards children who don't have any bad intentions.

This is one of those idiotic MN threads where posters clutch their pearls about something completely irrational. Most people don't thank the bus driver who drove them home. Likewise kids of 8 who are too young to make their own way home and have no part in organising who takes them home often forget to say thank you because the other mum hasn't done anything to help them out. It wasn't like the lift saved her from walking home the lift saved her mum from coming out in the car. It was a favour done for her mum not for her.

Is this a reverse?
OP? Disappeared?

I'm a Cub leader so very familiar with the manners, or lack thereof, of 8 - 10.5 year-olds. I think, as the adults around these children, it's our job to help educate them. I think the mum WBU - she should say, as I do when children forget their manners 'what do you say?'. They then always remember their manners. OP, I believe your daughter probably was being shy and needed a little reminder. The other mum certainly shouldn't be moaning about your daughter to her daughter. How bloody ridiculous!

I think OP was surprised at the comments levelled a time her 8 year old and stopped reading and I don’t blame her

Your daughter should have said Thank you. Her friend should not have gossipped to her or to you about what her mother said. Both children showed rather bad manners. However, they are children, and will no doubt learn better. Perhaps you could set an example, as well as making peace, by thanking the mother yourself for giving your daughter a lift.

Christ almighty. When I was 8, lifts were things that my mum had arranged and I had no real concept of it being a 'favour'. I don't think I would even notice this as the one giving the lift!

Is this a reverse?

Who would be so petty that they were a) bothered by a shy 8 year old forgetting to say thank you (when her mum was the one who should have said thank you in the first place) b) start a whole thread about their pettiness.

No doubt OP disappeared because of all the clueless posters who believe that their 8 year olds never forget to litter every sentence with please and thank you whether it's necessary or not.

Bonkers responses here. As has been said many kids this age would have no idea the lift was a favour to be thankful for. Adults get them places and that's just what happens.

If I think a kid that age has been rude I would have no problem telling them..

Christ almighty. When I was 8, lifts were things that my mum had arranged and I had no real concept of it being a 'favour'. I don't think I would even notice this as the one giving the lift!

This! And as a PP said it isn't actually a favour for the kid it's a favour for the mum. The can't make their own way home so someone has to take them - it's either going to be their mum or someone else. Kid gets told to get in a certain car and does so.

What kind of person goes out of their way to criticise the manners of an 8-year-old who made a minor social slip-up, not thinking anything requiring thanks from her had been given? If she'd been misbehaving I'd have expected to hear about it. Otherwise, pfffft. Load of uptight nonsense.

She should have said thank you....

This is crazy she is 8!!! I wouldn't even notice if she didn't say thanks for a lift I'd just be watching to check she gets let into her home safe. Children don't consider transportation like adults do. The friends mum is horrid to talk about your daughter being rude let alone for something so petty. It's such a non issue it is laughable ... she needs more to think about in life than such petty observations making issues where non exist.

A new friend, mother she doesnt know and neither do you by the sounds of it.. and you let her get in a car with them?

Who would be so petty that they were a) bothered by a shy 8 year old forgetting to say thank you

Half this thread it would seem..

She’s only little. As long as you’re teaching her manners and she’s generally well mannered, what more can you do.
As an aside I have a child with Selective Mutism, and she wouldn’t be able to say thank you or say much at all. Luckily, most parents don’t appear to judge.

Did you go out to the car when they pulled up and say thank you to the other parent OP? That's what I always do. I don't drive so I very much appreciate my child being given a lift to a party or home from school occasionally. I make a point of thanking the parent and this acts as a reminder for dc to do the same if they haven't already. If I didn't hear dc saying thank you as they got out then I'd remind them. I'd find it strange if a child didn't say thank you and think it a little rude but figure they were in a hurry, forgot, whatever. But I'd think it very rude if the parent didn't thank me.

Oh the perfect parents with their perfect little saints wading in I see.
Op knows her dd should have said "Thankyou". She doesn't need mumsnet to tell her.
My dd had a friend around for tea. The child didn't even look at me. Let alone say please of thank you.
I didn't make a big deal of that.
The child was appallingly shy around adults yet fine and lively amongst her peers. Ops dd might me the same.

Most people don't thank the bus driver who drove them home.

Eh? People with manners definitely do thank the bus driver

The mum probably just said in passing to her own dd that a thanks would have been nice in a ‘ I hope you always say thank you ‘ type way.Remember this has been relayed by another 8 year old!

Eh? People with manners definitely do thank the bus driver confused

I get a bus twice a day and no one thanks the bus driver - it would be bloody stupid for a start as you'd have to walk all the way to the front of the bus and walk back again getting in everyone's way.

MNers are definitely incredibly unbelievably clueless sometimes - what world do they live in!

Um, I think you're getting a bit worked up about this. 8 year olds don't think to say thank you for lifts and do have to be reminded. However, what should have happened is that after your daughter was dropped of you texted the mum and thanked her for giving your daughter a lift. At that age the obligation of pleasantries is between the parents, not between a parent and a child.

Sometimes kids forget things. I'd judge a parent and child being unkind about a mistake more harshly than i would an otherwise nice kid forgetting to say thank you.