To think banning stuff from schools is stupid

[SparklesAndUnicorns]

I like to think I'm quite a 'progressive' parent and I like my children to express themselves how they feel most comfortable, they tend to pick and wear what they want over the weekends and I do let them ocassionally change their hair colours with semi permanent safe dyes.
I agree with school uniform but my daughters school doesn't even allow hair bows, she went in with a few braids and bows in the other day and came home with a messy ponytail in and told me the teacher had taken them out. Teacher explained it's against school rules to have more than one bow in their hair. Aibu to think rules like no nail varnish, no hair accessories and no hair dye is just ridiculous rules? How is this going to effect their learning? She is only 6 and I really don't understand the reasoning. Surely if it's a bullying thing then this is down to parenting your child to accept that everyone is different, I can't see how it's a health and safety issue like piercings would be, I do agree to remove earrings on PE days as I can understand that one, but the others seem strange to me. Would love to know others feelings and opinions on this

SparklesAndUnicorns
But all children (to a point) are going to decide preferences ages 6 based on their parents' parenting choices because they learn what the parent considers ok.

I really wanted pink glittery hair and to have it crimped every day but my parents said no. I didn't like it at the time and was allowed crimping and glitter for parties, but ultimately there is a line between 'go express yourself darling and be unique' and 'actually, the world doesn't revolve around your creative expressions'. I'd have made the same decision in hindsight.
Then again, I struggle with the idea of promoting this idea that anything other than free creative expression is stifling.

I think questioning rules is perfectly reasonable when combined with an acceptance that sometimes we have to follow the ones we wouldn't personally choose.

I'm a teacher and I completely agree with you, OP. I loathe school uniform for little ones anyway - they shouldn't be in restrictive trousers, shirts and ties when they're trying to play. Polo shirts and joggers are fine.

I've never cared what my class wear in their hair or on their bodies. Funnily enough, it has absolutely no impact on their learning. In fact, if they are happy and comfortable, they learn better, so 🤷🏼‍♂️

I have a DS who has wanted to, and been allowed to dye his hair using safe, vegetable based dyes from the age of 6. He has longer hair which is usually blue or purple but is pink at the moment. Again, it's never had anything to do with his learning - he doesn't connect his hair colour to how his brain works. Who would?

My class/DS aren't allowed to wear long necklaces that wouldn't snap, or dangly earrings, for obvious reasons, but hair and clothes, anything goes. The more freedom they have, the less they want to rebel. Look at the US - their children wear what they like to school and they still learn.

The sooner people stop connecting physical appearance with attainment and intelligence, the better.

@FannyWork although parents should be teaching their kids not to judge on looks. This is why I allow stuff like this as it encourages my kids to know that you can be different and not be ashamed of it. Does that make sense? They are happy normal kids they don't obsess over their looks they're just aware it's ok to be different :)

I wouldn't mind if she had bright blue hair

I know! Her secondary teachers will though....

I think it is good that these things are kept for the weekend and holidays. As for expressing themselves... they have a character and a personality, don’t they? It’s not as though teachers aren’t going to be able to tell who is who. They seem to manage to have toy key rings/novelty pencil cases/ drinks bottles anyway - quite enough without fancy bows etc.

@MamamaMadness your opinion is a breath of fresh air. I agree health and safety with jewellery but why should we all look a certain way? Totally why I think some rules are strange too

@LolaSmiles I don't think it's stifling it's just something I believe in and my children are allowed to do and I don't see the issue with that and is swaying away from as to whether they can learn or not with coloured hair or whatever. Because they can.

I bet the secondary school teachers don’t give a toss really. They just have to be seen to agree with the rules

I'm so glad none of the parents in DD6s school dye their kids hair!
You may not think it's an issue but when you send your DC with coloured hair and other kids see, they like, then they want the same thing.
If you are so progressive then just buy hair chalk, wash in, wash out before school - no drama!

I have pink hair I am quite capable of doing my job. I don't see why it's an issue. Her teacher quite often has coloured hair also.

Now I'm jealous

We're not allowed so have to wait for the summer holidays just like the kids.

@Geraniumpink yes they do have wonderful amazing personalities but if they want to change a part of their appearance that's up to them I don't own their bodies. I can say no but tbh I don't see the point in it. Piercings close, hair dye fades, nail varnish comes off. They're all so semipermanent I don't see the big thing against it all. I wasn't allowed any of these things as a child and as an adult i am changing those rules for mine. She follows school rules even though I think some are strange and she is a well behaved child when she wants to be haha I don't see what one bow is going to do to her school life that's all.

Haven't read the full thread but am sign to to the school of thought that school is not all about book learning- it's about learning to be a decent human adult which sometimes includes following reasonable rules even if you don't like them much- for example, my workplace has a no denim trouser rule which I follow even though I don't see how jeans would effect my work output!

You may not think it's an issue but when you send your DC with coloured hair and other kids see, they like, then they want the same thing

Then it's up to their parents to decide. Not my problem.

If you are so progressive then just buy hair chalk, wash in, wash out before school - no drama

Nope, we prefer to use dye. It has nothing to do with being progressive either. And there's no drama. I won't change what we do just in case someone else's kid wants blue hair. That's up to them. We do us.

@EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall probably hahaha

@MissPollyHadADolly19 but like I said previously just because your child wants something someone else has you can just say no? That's not my fault that they want something that I allow as a parent and you don't. I say this to my daughter a lot. I'm your mum not your friends mum and if you ask and I say no and they say yes that doesn't change anything.

I'm all for being creative, but it's age, time and place.

I could do my job in my gym wear, but it's not work attire. I'd take a dim view of colleagues saying 'but why shouldn't I wear... it doesn't affect me teaching'. I removed my facial piercing when I entered teaching as so many places have an issue with them. I've worked places with casual dress codes for staff and students and loved it. I'm very much of the places have rules and it's not the end of the world. So fair is fair and I don't get parents/students saying 'but why can't I... it doesn't stop my brain learning'.

@YourSarcasmIsDripping awww gutted! D: all colours of the rainbow come summer!

Part of what kids learn at school is how to obey society's rules even if both kids and parents disagree with them.

Parents need to accept that their kid of 6 or so must knuckle down like everyone else's and do as they're told.
Backing the kid up against the school is disastrous in the long run; when the kid is a teenager they'll have no respect for authority and the parents' lives will become REALLY hard.

@LolaSmiles so you can't be creative depending on your age?
I get there's a time and a place I remove one of my piercings for work but that's a safety issue rather than anything because I don't want my nose being ripped off by a four year old haha
Fair is fair but would be nice to see a change in people's opinions of looks over anything else. Like people not hiring heavily tattooed people it gets silly and is nothing to do whether the person can do their job or learn at school.

@TenDays I don't back her up against school she is listens to rules and behaves. Just a thought I've had to myself of course if I'm telling her all the time "school is wrong break the rules" then I'm not setting a great example

Part of what kids learn at school is how to obey society's rules even if both kids and parents disagree with them

As a teacher, this is something I wholly disagree with. Kids aren't robots.

Parents need to accept that their kid of 6 or so must knuckle down like everyone else's and do as they're told

No, disagree with this, sorry. Education is evolving. School is about developing a whole person, not "knuckling down".

Backing the kid up against the school is disastrous in the long run; when the kid is a teenager they'll have no respect for authority and the parents' lives will become REALLY hard

Again, I disagree. Children should learn why rules exist, and which ones should be challenged. They need to be critical and ask questions. They need to question the education system and what it stands for. They need to learn how to be a good, kind and decent member of society, and that some rules are ridiculous and shouldn't be blindly followed.

Thankfully, educational research is also going down this route too. You'll start to see systems evolving. In many of the "top" countries, children don't wear uniforms and ridiculous rules don't exist.

The issues in this country, lack of respect, deprivation etc are not caused by blue hair or nail varnish.

@MamamaMadness all great points wish all people were as open minded and reasonable

I'm involved in international educational research and I have a masters in education specialising in 21st Century learning.

The English education system is the one used consistently to show how not to do things

@SparklesAndUnicorns blue,pink and purple is the plan! Can't wait!

Which ‘top’ countries are you thinking of?

@MamamaMadness that is crazy but I can see how. I feel kids need more freedom with learning than restraints