To think banning stuff from schools is stupid

[SparklesAndUnicorns]

I like to think I'm quite a 'progressive' parent and I like my children to express themselves how they feel most comfortable, they tend to pick and wear what they want over the weekends and I do let them ocassionally change their hair colours with semi permanent safe dyes.
I agree with school uniform but my daughters school doesn't even allow hair bows, she went in with a few braids and bows in the other day and came home with a messy ponytail in and told me the teacher had taken them out. Teacher explained it's against school rules to have more than one bow in their hair. Aibu to think rules like no nail varnish, no hair accessories and no hair dye is just ridiculous rules? How is this going to effect their learning? She is only 6 and I really don't understand the reasoning. Surely if it's a bullying thing then this is down to parenting your child to accept that everyone is different, I can't see how it's a health and safety issue like piercings would be, I do agree to remove earrings on PE days as I can understand that one, but the others seem strange to me. Would love to know others feelings and opinions on this

FFS, some posters are looking for an argument tonight!
Back off.

OP, it's perfectly fine to question the rules rather than follow them blindly because you've been told to. Now people have explained why it might not be a great idea so you have the 'reason'. You don't even have to agree with it, just decide if you can accept it (which it sounds like you do).

Fancy jo-jo type bows on 6 year olds in school. Why??? They come loose and need to be reattached (I really don't want to do that in case I hurt the pupil's head), the clasps get tangled in their hair, which must hurt like hell, another child fiddles with/borrows the sodding bow and it starts an argument, the ruddy bow gets mislaid/lost and the parent comes in to school to complain. Save them for parties, please. It's school, not a fashion show.

@myself2020 I can understand that and I would not count myself as financially stable at the best of times but I try not to let it make me worry about my child be judged and she isn't. I feel at this age most of them don't anyway. If only they stayed like that the old would be a better place wouldn't it ❤️

@SparklesAndUnicorns It really is, a lot of the boys look so scruffy with their hair all over the place, it looks much neater when shorter!

I think it’s a good rule for reasons stated by other posters. We don’t have this in the school I work at but I think it would be beneficial. I’m constantly asking girls to remove cat ear or unicorn horn headbands because they’re a distraction.

@Biancadelrioisback thank you SO much for this comment. People are being so judgemental I didn't ask for people to comment on my parenting style and I never said I DONT follow the rules but I'm allowed to ask others opinions about it. You are a star. Need more people like you around

All the young infant girls here wear hair bows.

They sell them to match the summer dresses and come as clips or hair bands.

If it's those small ones it does seem an over reaction tbh.

Probably in the grand scheme of things strict uniform doesn't matter that much but i can see why it might be annoying when girls bring in lots of accessories like hair bows because:

1. there is more potential for things to get lost or damaged and kids to get upset
2. it causes competition between the kids (and parents)
3. sometimes it's easier to just blanket ban everything rather than say you can have a bow but it has to be this size and this colour because you'd spend your life defining the boundaries.

My DD(8) is is always trying to push the uniform boundaries at the moment is always sneaking on non uniform socks. Harmless and no-one at school seems overly bothered but if I let her do it I'm not preparing her well for secondary school where it will get her in trouble.

I'm not a kill joy and I'm happy to let her wear whatever she wants at weekends or after school and we'll be dying her hair in the summer too. It's just there is a time and a place.

OP

Why aren’t you responding to any of the people who are suggesting completely sensible reasons for the rule re bows?

@SmileEachDay because I do agree with the sensible reasons sorry should be more clear haha 😂 I'm reading them and not feeling like i need to defend myself. I do get these reasons and I understand them. I can't reply to them all individually. Sensible replies speak for themselves. We need a like button like on Facebook haha

@gamerwidow yeah I totally get that I guess a blanket ban makes sense then people don't push the boundaries

@AshQ those headbands sound cute I want one haha but totally agree I wouldn't allow my daughter to wear something like that to school I guess maybe I am secretly sensible haha I just enjoy questioning the rules sometimes

SparklesAndUnicorns
It's not a case of judging parenting style. It's giving a reason why bows and hair dye etc may not be considered ok.

It's easy to say children won't judge. You're right, most of them won't. But they do see difference and I'm guessing you'd think negatively of a parent who'd decided that hair extensions and fake tan were ok on their 6 year old daughter because it's just her expressing herself.

So for me, it would be wrong an inconsistent for a school to say 'self declared progressive parents can send their child in with all sorts of quirky accessories, bright nails, hair colour because that's all about showing how unique and quirky they are, oh... but actually, those of you who want glam nails, hair extensions, fake tan etc aren't allowed to do that'. In my experience the former parents tend to have an issue with the latter styling of children, and it's absolutely right for a school to say no to the lot. They're 6 at the end of the day. They need to focus on learning and not being mini ambassadors for their parents' chosen philosophy (whatever persuasion that may be).

You asked for opinions and feelings about the fact that your six year old daughter’s school doesn’t permit nail varnish, hair bows and dyed hair.

My opinion is that six years old is too young to have/wear those things. I think it’s unnecessary at that age and that they are more suitable for teenagers who wish to express a type of personality. My feeling is that infant school children need to just be children and not part of a more adult world.

The fact is that the school has rules. If you are unhappy with the rules, there are options open to you. I’m not commenting on your parenting style, merely saying that you make a choice about your child’s education, which comes with responsibilities to follow the expectations that the school has and that you presumably signed up to.

It also limits the "OP's daughter can have her hair dyed so why can't I?" arguments.

Some seem excessive but most are sensible, I think.

I find this thread so interesting. I grew up in America where we didn't have uniforms, there were no rules against bows/nail varnish/etc. Just basic dress code (no foul language on clothes, nothing revealing...) So I feel like I'm just learning about what it will be like when my DS is school age.

Personally I think the basic uniform for everyone is great. But I do think there's something to be said for allowing children to show (and more importantly DISCOVER) their personality and individuality. Yes, school is about learning maths & history but it's also about learning who you are as a person.

@Foxyloxy1plus1 I never said I was unhappy with the rules just think they are a bit silly, she follows them and her education is a priority of course but she is allowed to also do things that make her happy and if they aren't hurting her I'm ok with it. We do usually leave stuff like hair and nails to school holidays etc and don't purposely break rules of course. It's nice to speak to people who are reasonable about how others think and it is good to hear others opinions I just feel a few people have come across quite nasty which is not necessary at all.

Anyone here got a vision of a parade of American beauty pageant infants? Glossed and painted, beribboned and pierced with big hoop earrings?

@LolaSmiles I totally get where you are coming from. I promise you she is not my mini ambassador haha she has her own sense of what she wants to look like I don't force anything on her. I accept the rules but I am allowed to question them even if I follow them if you catch my drift?

I hate seeing kids at school like mini mannequins with bows, nail polish etc. It's unnecessary and silly. And as others said, one has their hair dyed (though I've only seen that in secondary) and they all want it done.

@PandaMum88 this thread sure has been enlightening! Hahaha

@BenWillbondsPants just because your child sees their friend with something and asks to get it done why is that someone else's fault though? Just say no if you don't like it :) I understand rules I'm just questioning it. But saying "they will all want it done" shouldn't really be an issue because want doesn't mean that they get anyway.

Different schools take it to different lengths - my kids previously attended a school who were incredibly strict about uniforms, hair accessories etc... now they're somewhere where the Head really doesn't care as long as things are sensible - so kids come in with unicorn horn hair bands and all sorts. Actually it's less of an issue because they come in with the daft hair band for a couple of days and then get bored with it and go back to a minimal fuss ponytail most of the time.

They restricted some hair bands that were hard plastic and might hurt if a child bumped their head - some of the unicorn horns were getting to solid plastic stakes you could have used to kill a vampire level - but generally it's just "don't take the piss" level... and yes before Christmas we have kids who come in in unicorn antlers and Santa hats and all sorts.

The thing is though - we stuck by the strict rules in the previous school because that was part of going there and yes, personally I prefer the line the current school takes in terms of not making an issue over it and letting the craze naturally die out - but you stick with what the school's stated policy is really. I'm pretty laid back apart from that my kids bloody well tie it back at school (well one kid has hers in a jaw length bob now through choice) because de-nitting is not my idea of a fun past-time.

Whatever line you take on it they'll always be bloody carpet hairdressing attempts going on messing with someone else's hair!

I wonder if having a school uniform causes part of the problem - the way to express individuality is all pushed into the accessories.

I now live abroad and my dc don't wear uniform, are allowed to have nail varnish and dyed hair! They have a slower introduction to school with more play based learning and less testing but I think they catch up the expected levels after a few years.

I don't pick up any bullying from lack of uniform particularly, it seems my DD chooses mainly practical clothes she can play in, there was some one-upgirlship about earrings but I think that sort of thing would happen anyway - children seem to me very keen on identifying their tribe and even in 100% the same clothes, bags, pencils, lunch boxes would probably get fussy about the angle of the pony tail or whatever. . .

I expect I does take a lot of pressure off the teacher-child relationship as there is no 'enforcer ' role for the teacher, only about learning related issues

@PantsyMcPantsface I agree with everything you have stated here for sure.