To think banning stuff from schools is stupid

[SparklesAndUnicorns]

I like to think I'm quite a 'progressive' parent and I like my children to express themselves how they feel most comfortable, they tend to pick and wear what they want over the weekends and I do let them ocassionally change their hair colours with semi permanent safe dyes.
I agree with school uniform but my daughters school doesn't even allow hair bows, she went in with a few braids and bows in the other day and came home with a messy ponytail in and told me the teacher had taken them out. Teacher explained it's against school rules to have more than one bow in their hair. Aibu to think rules like no nail varnish, no hair accessories and no hair dye is just ridiculous rules? How is this going to effect their learning? She is only 6 and I really don't understand the reasoning. Surely if it's a bullying thing then this is down to parenting your child to accept that everyone is different, I can't see how it's a health and safety issue like piercings would be, I do agree to remove earrings on PE days as I can understand that one, but the others seem strange to me. Would love to know others feelings and opinions on this

Teaching children that abiding by rules in clothing and dress codes merely teaches children that conforming to everyone else in what they wear is so vitally important it is condoned by every authority figure going - therefore they need to conform to everyone else!!

I have always thought the bizarre British approach to school uniform - we are almost alone in the developed western world in having such a broad brush acceptance of them - actually creates the intense competition and jealousy over clothing it is supposed to address.

LolaSmilesthere's no need for the snark. Teachers here DO get a lot of personal days and can leave for appointments when they like.
Where are you living because then we can all move there. Do you work in a school that has a staff leave policy saying 'staff can take whatever time they like for personal days and appointments?' Or is it speculation?

When colleagues have wanted to see their child's leaving assemblies, we've informally covered their classes and given up our PPA time to cover it for them. They don't just get given days off here there and everywhere.

Or their appointment runs over their PPA and lunch but the PPA element is unpaid because it's routine doctor app.

I'm sure someone somewhere might be saying 'Mrs Brown had an afternoon off to see her son's leavers assembly... my dc teachers get time off for everything'. Then behind the scenes it was actually 2 lessons unpaid and only granted because the department helped cover. A teacher was away from work for a fortnight and people decide they've gone on holiday but behind the scenes they were actually caring for a relative and that wasn't going to be shared because it's nobody's business.
That all these 'teachers having appointments and personal days' people seem to know so much about are actually behind the scenes hospital appointments with consultants, midwife appointments, social care emergency meetings for a frail relative, their own child's EHCP meeting and not time off for any old thing.

But then parents (rightly) wouldn't know the details of staff absence in their children's school so it's much easier to say 'DC teacher went to a dance recital so teachers DO get all this time off for personal things'.

Though seriously, if you let us know where has a policy of staff having whatever leave they want for appointments and personal days, they'll probably not be short of applicants for future jobs

@LolaSmiles it's not speculation.

Three of the teachers there are very good friends of mine. DH is also on the school board (like a governor) and I'm going to be a substitute teacher there in September.

You really don't need to be so hostile.

We're in the States.

solargain
So a totally different continent to the vast majority of posters. Given the vast majority of school threads are with a UK context, selectively leaving out that it's a totally different system and country seems an odd thing to do unless the aim was to insinuate that there's all this free time available for staff (especially given false claims from other posters that suggest staff get term time holidays, days off for all sorts etc).

There's enough misinformation about UK teachers' terms, conditions and typical expectations as it is.

We're in the States.

Ah.

@solargain well I'm in the UK and I'm a TA. Not even I can get time off for appointments or whatever on a whim,much less a personal day.

Besides, as lovely as it would be to have time off for a doctor’s appointment, it’s not reciprocal to give up all my lunch times to get it. I went to the doctor (excluding maternity) maybe once when I was a teacher. That’s not adequate recompense for hundreds of extra working hours.

There's plenty of studies on this exact subject. One of the key reasons is more for secondary than primary, in allowing children esp teenagers to push against the boundaries of eg the length of the school skirt, shirt being tucked in, style of hair, no make up, type of shoes, these allow an easy rebellion, it means that normal boundary challenges are kept on a lower level for the majority of kids (obviously there are always those who will go further). For primary children it's often about the sheer agro of it, x has lost her bow, y has lost her clip, z has lost her special pencil, w has take it-no she had the same one-no its mine etc etc. On its own it seems like nothing but several cases everyday believe me the 'not allowed in school' is sooo much better, these issues literally take up hours of the school day.

I think if you know the school has certain rules and decide to go send your child there you should abide by them. I imagine they don't make them up for fun but have good reasons. It's about being uniform in appearance as a principle as well as avoiding bullying and pressure to keep up.

I have always been pretty liberal too about kids appearance but I would think dyeing hair at that age is a bit much! As an adult I dyed my hair for many years but we all know it's not good for the hair. But then I don't really like ear piercings at that age either.

Boulez yet again - many parents have no choice where to send their DC.

And neither hair dye or ear piercings effect a pupil's ability to learn unless the school decide to make them an issue.

I sincerely hope that DD doesn't end up in a school with nonsense like this going on but I probably won't have much choice.

I hate uniforms with passion. Just let them wear jeans and a million problems will be solved, just like the rest of the civilized world.

However little shitty things like bows (or whatever the fad is) are a massive distraction, disruption and a headache for everyone. The competition, the lost/stolen items - just so it in your own time

I donkniw. I suspect the old head at our school did. Once the majority started following the rules, he'd move the goalposts

My kids both went to primary and secondary schools with no uniforms except for PE. I actually thought the children looked a bit of a ragbag mess. In an area with a real mix of children some with little money and some from very affluent families - there were definitely kids who had more cash splashed on labels, trainers etc. I'm not sure that's very good for social equality. But my kids went and enjoyed their school life and I made sure - as far as possible - they didn't judge other kids on the basis of their clothes and appearance.

And actually I think hair dye and piercings may not affect learning but they do affect uniformity of appearance as with clothing. And they could instil feelings of wanting to keep up with the more spoilt or well off kids, and have practical impacts like needing to remove piercings for PE and storing valuable items safely etc.

It's a personal opinion that kids don't need to grow up too quick as is my belief that we should support most school rules as far as possible. Our blessed little princesses don't really need to wear lots of ribbons and bows and hair colour to school at the age of 6 do they? Really? Shouldn't they just get learning, have friendships and fun and be racing around the playground and grazing their knees? Where's the desperate need for it?

Boulez I agree to an extent but I also agree that it's a life lesson that would be very quickly learnt, rather than imposed. I said upthread that it really didn't take DD long (at her non-uniform school) to work out what was practical and what wasn't. I don't recall seeing girls festooned with bows, even though there was nothing to stop them from being so adorned.

Our blessed little princesses don't really need to wear lots of ribbons and bows
6 is exactly the age to wear ribbons and bows

Just because you allow bows doesn’t mean all girls will wear bows. My DD had no interest in JoJo bows. The ones who wore them raced around the playground plenty. I think banning things makes things more appealing for kids anyway. It’s adults who make things a big deal.

At the two European schools I was briefly at, with a free choice kids mostly chose to wear the same thing, jeans, trainers and t-shirts - because it wasn’t a big deal.

My dd liked pink, glitter, bows and running, climbing, camping at 6 years old - I'm glad she was able to express her likes according to what she felt, her conventionally feminine tastes were as part of her as her conventionally masculine tastes and that is just fine - there is no such thing as bad pink in our house!

Oh, you’re THAT parent. Just send the kid in to schoolIn the uniform specified. It’s not difficult, the teaching staff have enough deal with without having to learn how to handle you too.

Never worry about being THAT parent - that is a silly thing to worry about - worry about being the best parent for your child, people who worry about being THAT parent are too busy concerning themselves about what other people think.