I feel a meltdown coming on - about Glastonbury

[3GreenFrogs]

Firstly do not to drip feed, I have autism.

Now, we go to Glastonbury every year. DH loves it whereas I can take it or leave it. If I’m honest, I’d prefer not to go but it means a lot to him so I go.

This year I’m really not feeling it. I’m suffering with severe anaemia - on three iron tablets a day and feel exhausted and lethargic constantly. On top of this, I have severe hay fever which means my eyes are constantly stinging, my through feels like it has ants running around in it, my nose is like a tap and my sinuses are fucked adding to the overall lethargy.
We’re due to set off on Tuesday night. It’s a 6 hour drive and now someone we know has asked for a lift. This fills me with absolute horror, someone else in the car for all that time. Because of my autism I tend not to talk much if DH and I arnt alone and now I’m imaging the journey then two chatting away and me fading into insignificance in a corner of the car. This bloke is also likely to cling to us at the festival meaning I’ll end up just following the two of them around silently burning with rage.

I’m due to start my period. I’ll probably be on when we set off so telling DH I need to stop for a bog break every hour or so is going to fill me with anxiety with another bloke in the car.

I’m so fucking dreading the whole thing. I feel like a silent meltdown is impending. DH doesn’t understand.

Could you make your own way there in a few days time after the period is over it's worst. Sounds like everything is happening at once for you. Anaemia really takes it out of you I know.
Or give it a miss this year?

I can’t not go, DH would be devastated. We normally go abroad every year and this is the first year we haven’t been able to. So I tried to make see the bright side and told myself that Glastonbury will be our holiday this year. DH and I spending time together but now this bloody bloke has ruined all that. The only part of it I was looking forward to has been sabotaged. I know I sound dramatic and it should be a “more the merrier” scenario but my mind doesn’t work like that. I so wanted to spend quality time with DH but now it’s going to be DH and this bloke spiking weed and parting together with me sitting cradling my little milkshake, missing my dog and probably disappearing into my own little world. Just like ever other day of the year.

Would listening to music or an audiobook in the car help if they are chatting.

Tell your DH in advance if you are going to need extra stops and tell him it’s non negotiable.

Don't go lovely. It's supposed to be enjoyable. You sound like you're in no state to enjoy it.

Sorry cross posted. I still wouldn't go if I were you.

I just want to cry 😞 I don’t know if it’s PMT or as I say, meltdown/shutdown coming on. I normally manage to mask my aspergers quite well but it’s times like this that I’m reminded I am different and the world isn’t cut out for me. I feel a bit sad about the whole thing. I wish I could enjoy these things like everyone else but I just can’t

I wouldn't go.

You need to talk to your DH or write him a note laying out your concerns. Tell him you don’t want to end up the isolated whilst he has fun with his mate. It is your trip together and his mate is the spare person not you.

Oh I'd cry off, safe in the knowledge that he won't be going alone. Just tell him in a few days "I'm too ill to do Glasto this year, thank goodness X is going you two can still have a great time!"

I’m sorry there are a lot of typos in my posts. I can barely see because of my hay fever

Tell DH that he can't bring the bloke on what is supposed to be your summer holiday. Surely he understands you well enough that he gets that adding a randomer into an already difficult situation will make it awful for you? If he won't accept this then just don't go - he doesn't get to put a friend before his wife.

I don't have Asperger's and that sounds like hell to me. I wouldn't go, to be honest, and I'd be glad the other bloke was going so that dh would have company.

Reading between the lines your DH has allowed someone else to join your trip. If you didn't agree to that then I've have no qualms about dropping out and staying home in peace with the little dog.
"I so wanted to spend quality time with DH but now it’s going to be DH and this bloke spiking weed and parting together with me sitting cradling my little milkshake, missing my dog and probably disappearing into my own little world. Just like ever other day of the year."
Sounds pretty miserable for the rest of the year.

See the problem is DH won’t even let me wander off on my own. I’d be quite happy to potter off and do my own thing but DH worries I’ll get lost, get hurt etc etc which is ridiculous considering I’m a bloody professional woman in “real life”. I know he means well but he seems to have it in his head that he has to look after me. I think his ex wife was very reliant on him and he can’t get out of the habit.

This isn’t necessarily an ASD issue.

DH once took me out and then one of his mates turned up. They speak a different language and spent the next hour chatting away with me unable to contribute much. I found it really upsetting that I was effectively being sidelined on our date. I told DH that it was rude and utterly unfair.

There's no way I'd go and my DP would understand why. He's going to have his mate with him so why can't they just go together?

Don’t go.

The idea of spending six hours in a car with someone who I don’t know well sounds awful to me, and I’m not autistic (as far as I know). It would be enough to put me off going, but then, I’m so not a festival person anyway.

I wouldn't go. You don't want to and aren't well. DH will enjoy it with his friend. Can you sell your ticket and use the money for a cheap break later in the summer ?

You're an adult. Your DH can't stop you going off on your own.
If that's what you need to do to cope then it's important. You don't need permission.

I totally get wishing you were different. Personally I’d (almost) rather rip my own arms off than go to Glastonbury, and I live just up the road from it! The biggest gift you can give yourself is self-acceptance – this is you, these are your needs, there’s nothing wrong with being who you are.

He wont "let" you?

You dont sound as though you're in a happy marriage. You cant talk to him and tell him - your husband- how you feel and he sounds controlling. Dont go and do seek out some counselling so you can both communicate and he can understand how you feel.

This bloke is a mutual friend, we actually met him at Glastonbury and he rang us yesterday casually asking if we’d give him a life. DH said no at first as it was too far out of our way to go and pick him up so he said he’d come to us. DH agreed that if he could do that it was fine. DH looked at me while he was on speaker phone and o just said “yeah that’s fine” ... I don’t tend to thing of consequences for split decisions until I’ve had time to process it so this is all partly my fault. When I mention my anxiety to DH now he gets frustrated saying we can’t go back on it now. I understand he doesn’t want to fall out with friend and I understand you can’t just agree to stuff and then go back on it. I just feel that DH doesn’t really understand ME

Why is your DH happy for you to be miserable? Does he understood your autism at all?

He won't be on his own now he has his mate tagging along. He has no right to be devastated! Would you force him to do something that would have such a negative impact on his mental health? No? Then he can lump it.

If I’d planned some quality time with my dh and some bloke gate crashed I’d be really annoyed, I think a lot of people would. Your dh needs to tell this guy to piss off or at least stop being devastated if you decide you don’t want to go. You mention your Aspergers as if you’re being unreasonable when in fact how you feel is completely fair enough.