I feel a meltdown coming on - about Glastonbury

[3GreenFrogs]

Firstly do not to drip feed, I have autism.

Now, we go to Glastonbury every year. DH loves it whereas I can take it or leave it. If I’m honest, I’d prefer not to go but it means a lot to him so I go.

This year I’m really not feeling it. I’m suffering with severe anaemia - on three iron tablets a day and feel exhausted and lethargic constantly. On top of this, I have severe hay fever which means my eyes are constantly stinging, my through feels like it has ants running around in it, my nose is like a tap and my sinuses are fucked adding to the overall lethargy.
We’re due to set off on Tuesday night. It’s a 6 hour drive and now someone we know has asked for a lift. This fills me with absolute horror, someone else in the car for all that time. Because of my autism I tend not to talk much if DH and I arnt alone and now I’m imaging the journey then two chatting away and me fading into insignificance in a corner of the car. This bloke is also likely to cling to us at the festival meaning I’ll end up just following the two of them around silently burning with rage.

I’m due to start my period. I’ll probably be on when we set off so telling DH I need to stop for a bog break every hour or so is going to fill me with anxiety with another bloke in the car.

I’m so fucking dreading the whole thing. I feel like a silent meltdown is impending. DH doesn’t understand.

Just be clear with him about what you need and dont be manipulated or guilted into doing anything you dont want to. Go off by yourself if you want to you have every right to do that. Be firm about what you want to do.
I have generalised anxiety disorder and I understand you.... in my head I get very worried when people I dont know very well are there because sometimes I need to be by myself or I need certain things to happen and if someone I dont know is there, I get vry stressed thinking about how I'm going to look rude or I'm going to have to be confrontational which I hate!

The thing is though it's usually much worse in your head and when it comes down to it all it actually takes is saying very clearly 'I'm just going to go off by myself now I'll be back later' and if someone asks what's wrong or tries to engage you, just clearly state that nothing is wrong you just like to unwind by yourself sometimes and you'll be back later to see everyone.
I find that if you just clearly tell people what is going on with you people dont actually get offended or think theres some issue... it took me a long time to learn that, but if you are just upfront about any issues and needs that you have instead of trying to cover them up or 'act normal' people actually respond to it a lot better.

Well that sounds like a step forward. Well done! Take music and headphones/something to read for the car and apologise in advance to the friend, saying that you're seriously anaemic and unwell at the moment and you hope he doesn't mind but you're just going to switch off and listen to music or read in the back of the car while he chats to your dh.
If they ever comment on you being quiet just say anaemia leaves you wiped out but hopefully you'll be feeling better soon.
And don't feel pressured to do anything but potter once you're there.

Why won't he go without you? This sounds really suffocating, OP/

You aren't well enough to go and enjoy it so don't go. DH now has a friend to go with. This is OK.

You need the Patented Tour Bus Fuck Off Filter.

Headphones.
Phone loaded with films and music, complete with fully charged Powerbank.
Sunglasses.
Hat.
Hoodie.

It's how half the bands going manage to not kill one another.

Trust me on this.
.

A 6 hour car journey making small talk sounds like hell to me. Add in all the other factors and I just wouldn't go.

If I was you I would say I'm not going and ask if I could make it up to him some other way.

Don't go.

Just say you're ill, he really can't say anything to that.

P.s. that journey sounds like hell to me and I'm not autistic!
Glastonbury also my idea of hell but another topic entirely!

Excellent news this morning - the friend has decided to travel with someone else! I’m so relieved.

That is good news. But I still wouldn’t go. You really ought to be able to say to your husband that you don’t want to go, you’re not feeling well and you’d rather stay home, and he should accept that and not force you to do something you don’t want to do.

Are you happy to go now it's just the two of you again?

Hi I also don't think this is an asd issue. Glastonbury is a big place as u know, and rest assured even harden Glastonbury veterans still have anxiety issues when they are preparing to come, so u are not alone. When I first read your post I thought you were talking about a child or grown up youth, but it's your partner, how comes he doesn't get when your menstrating stuff takes longer and you need lots of brakes on a six hour journey. Why r u worried about the car journey if you don't talk much. Let them chat your driving anyway and you still have five days to be with your partner. In relation to your health issues, go to the healing fields. There u may find solutions to your hay fever, menstrating social anxiety and autism issues. Maybe if you go on the first day with your partner he may be happy to leave you there as there is also yoga tai chi massage, and all kinds of things going on plus the adjoining fields are very interesting. Also get a map and mark where things are so u don't get lost,and if he won't let you go on your own then just disappear. Get up early or stop in a stall then wander of and why not arrange a meeting place just in case you loose each other.and your phones don't work There is a meeting point on the way to the accoustic i stage. Have a good Glastonbury, enjoy this slightly alternative reality.

Your DH sounds awful TBH