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Original poster

I feel a meltdown coming on - about Glastonbury

138 replies

3GreenFrogs · 23/06/2019 07:53

Firstly do not to drip feed, I have autism.

Now, we go to Glastonbury every year. DH loves it whereas I can take it or leave it. If I’m honest, I’d prefer not to go but it means a lot to him so I go.

This year I’m really not feeling it. I’m suffering with severe anaemia - on three iron tablets a day and feel exhausted and lethargic constantly. On top of this, I have severe hay fever which means my eyes are constantly stinging, my through feels like it has ants running around in it, my nose is like a tap and my sinuses are fucked adding to the overall lethargy.
We’re due to set off on Tuesday night. It’s a 6 hour drive and now someone we know has asked for a lift. This fills me with absolute horror, someone else in the car for all that time. Because of my autism I tend not to talk much if DH and I arnt alone and now I’m imaging the journey then two chatting away and me fading into insignificance in a corner of the car. This bloke is also likely to cling to us at the festival meaning I’ll end up just following the two of them around silently burning with rage.

I’m due to start my period. I’ll probably be on when we set off so telling DH I need to stop for a bog break every hour or so is going to fill me with anxiety with another bloke in the car.

I’m so fucking dreading the whole thing. I feel like a silent meltdown is impending. DH doesn’t understand.

OP posts:
QueenoftheBiscuitTin · 23/06/2019 08:19

Why can't he just go with this man?

Aikaterina · 23/06/2019 08:20

Please don’t go. Your DH loves you, he’ll understand. Of course he’ll be disappointed but you can’t help that and it will fade.

Years ago I had to cancel Glastonbury last minute as I wasn’t feeling it. My friend had to go alone and was angry and disappointed. She had a great time in the end and all is forgotten.

Quartz2208 · 23/06/2019 08:21

Talk to him the dynamic about this is so unhealthy you need to tell him

Jemimapuddleduckpancake · 23/06/2019 08:22

You shouldn't go and if your husband has a problem with this then he's being very selfish. If the guy will be tagging along it will change the whole dynamic. Either you two go or those two go. Three's a crowd (sometimes)

Original poster
3GreenFrogs · 23/06/2019 08:22

I don’t think DH does understand my autism. His son has autism and is much lower functioning than me. For example he went to a special school, will never be independent, has a lower iq etc whereas I’m a “fully functioning adult” with a career and a normal IQ ... to DH autism is what his son has. What I have is simply a “few autistic traits” like obsessing over dogs and not being sociable. He’s never said it but he might as well say “you’re only a bit autistic”. He doesn’t realise how much I actually struggle because I mask so well (until I meltdown and then all hell breaks lose, I was almost arrested last time 😩)

OP posts:
ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 23/06/2019 08:23

3GreenFrog
Your DH probably doesn’t understand unless you have told him. I think you may need to lay down some ground rules for the future like don’t put me on the spot as I need time to consider things. If you need a quick answer then it will be keep things as they are.

My DH is almost certainly on the mild end of the Autistic spectrum and he forgets that we don’t know what he knows. We do have to remind him to tell us what is in his head.

rookiemere · 23/06/2019 08:24

Just explain to your DH that you have period pain and you don't want to go.

I don't know how much Glastonbury tickets cost but presumably the price of one would cover a couple of nights in an Airbnb.

Suggest to DH that you sell your ticket and do that with the money and then he gets two summer breaks for the price of one.

Ooogetyooo · 23/06/2019 08:25

It sounds to me like your dh has put this blokes needs in front of yours because he doesn't want to offend him . But in doing so it says well you just need to put up with it. He won't let you wander off by yourself . Try harder to be more assertive. ' the dynamic isn't going to work with the three of us, I'm not feeling well I want to cancel and stay at home ' End of. He can't make you physically go . Say no.

willowmelangell · 23/06/2019 08:25

You can 'not go'
DH has a companion, you get to stay at home and cuddle the dog.
You both get a break.

CookieDeal · 23/06/2019 08:28

I wouldn't feel like your ASD means you're not cut out for this sort of thing - I don't have ASD and what you describe sounds horrible to me, I'd hate it and would not want to go.

I can't quite understand why your husband won't 'allow' you to go and explore by yourself either?

It seems like he wants it both ways - you and him on this trip away AND to hang out with this guy and party. I think honestly he needs to make a decision about what sort of Glastonbury he wants. Because right now it sounds like he is getting to do whatever he wants and you're expected to just be a hanger-on?

Kintan · 23/06/2019 08:28

If it was still just you and your DH going I’d say you’d just have to suck it up and go, but him inviting someone else along has completely changed the dynamic of the trip, so I think you are completely justified in dropping out. I hope you feel better soon!

Flowersonthewall · 23/06/2019 08:29

I think regardless of everything I wouldn't go based solely because of the hay fever! Being in a field over the next week sounds my idea of pure hell I am suffering terribly with hay fever and could not imagine going to gladtenbury feeling like I do! Please don't go

HolesinTheSoles · 23/06/2019 08:30

Can't DH just go with his friend? I think it's nice you normally go but this time you're ill so why can't you stay home?

IvanaPee · 23/06/2019 08:30

You were almost arrested? Was he there?

See, if you’re (rightly) worried about that, and you’re at a place like Glasto I think that’s more of a reason not to go.

Meltdown + festival + arrest? That’s not going to be good for you @3GreenFrogs!

I wouldn’t go. Really and truly I wouldn’t. I’d send dh with friend for a “lads” weekend and then I’d save up for the two of us to go away for the weekend somewhere maybe around Christmas.

This is your health and well-being. Not worth it. Flowers

Jammerjimmer · 23/06/2019 08:31

Another one saying don't go. DP will be fine. He can hang out with the other bloke.

whymewhyme · 23/06/2019 08:31

Well done for getting tickets we've not been lucky for about 4 years!! I totally get your anxiety but it may not be as bad as you think!

Moltenpink · 23/06/2019 08:33

Sit in the back of the car with headphones on and sleep. It would not likely be quality time anyway. Have you checked if you could get a train instead? You need to insist on wondering around by yourself, it’s the best part of Glastonbury.

Original poster
3GreenFrogs · 23/06/2019 08:34

DH wasn’t there when I almost got arrested. He came to my rescue and removed me from the situation before the police got there. That’s why now he’s so intent on not letting me wander around by myself at Glastonbury but to be fair, he never used to let me before that happened.

OP posts:
Isatis · 23/06/2019 08:37

It's perfectly legitimate to say you aren't going because of the combination of your anaemia, you severe hay fever which will undoubtedly be exacerbated, and your period. Your DH won't be on his own, and surely will accept that, even without the involvement of the friend, travelling 6 hours each way to spend the weekend feeling ill in a tent is just ridiculous.

BlueSkiesLies · 23/06/2019 08:38

Suggest to DH that you sell your ticket and do that with the money and then he gets two summer breaks for the price of one

Yeah, you can’t do that. That isn’t how glasto tickets work. Unless you can find someone who wants to buy a ticket, and looks like you, and you lend them your ID!

sackrifice · 23/06/2019 08:38

Just stay in bed on tuesday and tell him to go.

And stop doing stuff you don't even enjoy just because he does.

Fortheloveofscience · 23/06/2019 08:39

OP I totally get why you’re dreading it. Would you still quite like the quality time with your DH if this other guy wasn’t there? If so I think you need to tell him that these are the options - either you go together as a couple, or he goes and spends the time with his friend.

Of course if the hay fever/anaemia/period issues mean you don’t want to go regardless (and it’s not just a case that you’re worried about it, but chances are you’d enjoy it when you get there if it’s just you and DH) then simply say you’re not going.

BarkandCheese · 23/06/2019 08:39

Give yourself permission to not go. We do enough things in life we don’t want to but we have to do, if you don’t want to do something and you don’t have to do it don’t do it.

You’re anemic and run down, you have horrible hay fever (I can very much relate to the constant discomfort that causes) and your period is due. The thought of being stuck sleeping in a tent at a noisy music festival with all that going on sounds awful to me. Add to that the stress that is being caused by the “friend” crashing your trip, it’s not worth making yourself throughly miserable to keep your husband happy.

BlueSkiesLies · 23/06/2019 08:39

OP this isn’t an autism issue.

This is a DP being a dick issue.

Are you sure this other guy will want to camp and hang out with you? Is he planning on meeting other friends there?

Just tell dH you’re really not up to it because you’re sick, and the idea of jot even getting quality time just the two of you has tipped the balance.

Also... WTF you’re not allowed to wander off on your own? That’s an unhealthy dynamic right there.

WineGummyBear · 23/06/2019 08:40

Poor you OP this sounds horribly stressful. Mental illhealth (your anxiety) can be very hard to explain because it's invisible.

My mental health is so poor at the moment that I can no more come to Glastonbury than I could if I had pneumonia. It's not about making an effort. It I come I will become more unwell and I risk a mental health episode. I'm not prepared to take that risk and not should you be either. My health is a priority.

I'd leave out the friend thing. Yes, it was the thing that tipped the scales into 'not possible' but you probably don't want to end up in a 'fine, if we cancel the lift will you come?' conversation.

Good luck OP. Take care of yourself. X

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