I want to go grey, but DH says no!

[KindleAndCake]

Who is being unreasonable?
I'm in my 40's and fed up of the constant dying of my hair. I've said I'm going to stop, but he says no. He really doesn't want me to. I've pointed out that he is going grey, but it seems it's one rule for him, and all that.

Out of interest, does constant dying your hair make it go grey quicker?

As everyone says - your hair, your choice. Not really an issue.
When you say "DH says No!" - what do you really mean? Is he forbidding or commenting?

If my DP said he was going to do a shaved head look, (he has full head of hair but greying), I would most definitely say "Really, don't, it won't look good on you". Obviously his choice though. I'd say the same if he said he was going to buy a Mankini for our next holiday, (and possibly sit at the other end of the beach from him if he did so). Not controlling at all - just normal.

If he really did those things I would absolutely support his right to do so and love him just the same. Commenting, however, would not make me a controlling bitch.

Enjoy your hair OP - whatever you do to it

I'm fed up of dyeing mine and won't spend a fortune at the hairdressers for them to do it either as I can't be bothered with the time it takes.
I've been slowly going lighter and lighter with the colour I put in and now I use a blonde.
My grey comes through as pure white at my temples so it doesn't show up that much. Doesn't seem wiry.

I'm not buying any more dye. I last coloured it 3 weeks ago. There's 4 weeks til the end of term then the 6 weeks holiday. My only sticky point is being judged by colleagues or parents so what it looks like with 13 weeks regrowth on it when it's time to go back to work will determine what I do next. But I expect that will just be it and I will leave it.

2 friends of mine and my sil have gone completely grey/white and get complimented.
My sister still dyes hers and it looks terrible.

Yes, I have a sister who dyes hers black (she’s nearly 60) and it doesn’t suit her at all and looks so obviously dyed. Think Paul McCartney before he embraced the grey. She’d look gorgeous with silver hair.

Hell I would literally dye my hair grey if some shallow, sexist man tried to tell me I couldn't let it grow in naturally. Who is he to dictate to you?

Do what you want, it’s your hair. Is he usually so controlling?

I agree with him. You are only 40 so would you want to look 60?
Go to a good salon and do a full permanent color. Not these home dye kits.

AyBeeCee but lots of people in their 40s have grey.

tbh the reason you associate it with people looking 60 is because so many of them are dyeing their hair till then.

are you a hairdresser?! There's nothing wrong with home kits either.

I’m 48 and about 50% grey. It doesn’t make me look any older than I am. Just this week a colleague was insisting that I must be younger than her (despite knowing how old my grown up kids are) at 38.

I started going grey in my 30s and dyed my hair every 6 weeks or so for twenty flipping years. I stopped two years ago. It was sooooo liberating, once I had got over the actual growing out phase (which look a while as I've chin length hair). I don't regret it at all. I think my natural colour suits me better than the dye I was using - but I do think people assume you're older than they would do with it dyed, even though you might yourself look better. I don't really care about that - but obviously others might.

But the main thing is, it's your call...

Going sleek silvery grey is in vogue now.

I dye my hair grey as do many other women.

I'm early 40s and find it very liberating.

Obviously he doesn't get to tell you what colour your hair should be - hopefully he knows that.

However I would not expect him to be anything but disappointed. I'm pretty sure not one of the men I know would honestly be pleased to learn that their 40 year old wife was planning to have grey hair.

Tough shit would be an appropriate response, followed by an offer to dye your hair once he has morphed into your favourite hunk ['smile]

Oh and anyone who thinks being grey is ageing needs to get on fashion Instagram!!!

And if your hairdresser thinks this they are VERY out of touch.

Not my hair but a good illustration of why the myth that grey is ageing is bollocks.

opinionated I think the "grey is ageing" brigade aren't talking about fashion grey

they mean women like me, who just have random grey/white hair amid black, often coarse and wiry and a different texture to the rest of their hair.

Grey is fashionable but there's no doubt (to me) that grey is also ageing. It can often look much more stylish than dyed hair but it does make you look your age or older. But not everyone is concerned with looking younger than their years.

But as for the OP, well it's all been said, the idea that he can go grey but you shouldn't. Fuck that shit.

@missbattenburg

If the OP - along with millions of other people - is going grey in her 40s then 40s is not too young to be grey. We're all just fooling ourselves to think that it is.

You say this, and many many posters on mumsnet come onto threads like this EVERY single time, and claim that they have let their natural grey grow through, and sported grey hair since they were 32 or so.

Yet, in real life, I never, ever, EVER see women under 45 with their natural grey hair showing. I mean, never.

Another example of the parallel universe of mumsnet.

I think the only people who are 'fooling themselves' are the ones who think having grey hair (especially in your 30s, 40s, and 50s,) is not ageing ... It adds ten years to some women. And yeah, grey hair does look better on men. Sorry, but it just does...........

The radfems can me what they like. Doesn't change the fact that natural grey hair showing through is very ageing, and looks worse on women than it does on men..

And by the way, it is not ridiculously time-consuming to dye your hair; it takes half an hour to 40 minutes, and needs doing once a month.

Funny how some people say dyeing your hair is so time-consuming, but think nothing of spending 5-6 hours a day (often more!) on message forums and social media! LOL.

Finally, @opinionatedfreak that woman you have posted a pic of (at 14.09 today) with dark hair, and grey hair, DEFINITELY looks better with it dark. The grey looks bloody awful. If you were trying to prove some kind of 'embrace the grey' point with that; you failed spectacularly!

Grey is only ageing in the minds of those who have bought into the societal view of how women must never look any older. Dyed hair can be spotted a mile off however professionally done as women in their late forties and fifties are unlikely to have blonde or whatever hair without grey. It doesn't fit with the skin and just looks odd; so many people who do this don't have shiny hair which is in good condition either. If you are going grey in your forties, that's not ageing as it's natural; it's only society's judgement that has artificially pushed grey to the 60s and 70s.

I think grey hair is equally ageing on men as it is on women,

I'm not saying it doesn't often look better than the dye but it does make them look older.

Lots of women are letting the grey grow in now, much to my relief. It's becoming quite fashionable. Look up grombre on Instagram if you are on there.
He is being very unreasonable. Completely up to you what you do with your hair. Just that with grey coming back on trend makes it easier I think.
I tended to worry more about what other women would think, than DH.
Now I'm older I could not care less lol.

So you can look older, but better - what’s not to like?

@SassyBadger I wonder if we just perceive people as looking older with grey hair, purely as we have become used to women dyeing their hair. So only 'really old' women have grey hair.
There are some stunning women with beautiful grey hair on the Instagram page I mentioned. Many went grey in their 20s.

I dye my hair. Not becas I am bothered but because DH said he 'doesnt want to shag a granny'. I am not yet 40!

bing "Yet, in real life, I never, ever, EVER see women under 45 with their natural grey hair showing. I mean, never."

I am definitely the only one in my workplace and circle of friends who has decided not to dye hair at this age.

there's one at 47 who has made the same choice, but the rest of them I think will dye their hair for life. My mum is 80 and still dyeing her hair.

it's partly the fact that I never see these women myself that made me dither. that and the sad thing about it maybe looking unprofessional at work, whereas a man with grey, no one would think that.

i fully intend on still having bright pink hair when i'm 90, might not be cool but i don't care