I want to go grey, but DH says no!

[KindleAndCake]

Who is being unreasonable?
I'm in my 40's and fed up of the constant dying of my hair. I've said I'm going to stop, but he says no. He really doesn't want me to. I've pointed out that he is going grey, but it seems it's one rule for him, and all that.

Out of interest, does constant dying your hair make it go grey quicker?

Your hair your choice. Nothing to do with him.

I stopped dying in my early 30s. People do think you are older but that can sometimes have benefits: I got a promotion that I had been turned down for the year before on the basis that I lacked the required ‘gravitas’ for a senior role. Literally the only think I changed during that year was my hair!

*thing, not think! I wasn’t a proofreader...

The real benefit is the improvement in condition. I’ve had virgin hair for two decades, not only is it silver but it’s soft and shiny too.

It’s the opposite for me. My salon colour really improves the texture and condition of my naturally coarse hair. I’m 58 and would like to stop dyeing, but still have a fair amount of dark brown at the back and sides. Going by the roots it’s nearly white on top. It would look very odd growing out I think! My stylist is against it of course!

OP it’s your hair. Do as you like with it.

In another age or place it would be tight stays or foot binding, as they were the processes used to get women to match the accepted standards of beauty.

At first sight it sounds shallow not to want DW to go grey, but as I think about it, it feels quite uncomfortable, as if it's actually about the DH: his status of having a young wife, what he desires, what he decides is acceptable. ( OP i'm not saying he's a monster, I think it is a societal issue).

Your body, your hair, your choice.

LoeweMulberry Sat 22-Jun-19 08:10:51
If you go grey I think you have to have more expensive clothes, jewellery, glasses, make up.. You need to NOT look like a poor old lady, ykwim?? I know the look I would create but it could be more work and more expensive than just dying your hair

hahahaha

I can definitely say that based on this thread, the folk embracing their grey are the ones you'd want to hang out with.

I have a friend who started going grey at the age of 15 (it runs in the family). I started going grey in my mid 30s. I know someone who didn't get grey hairs until she was in her 50s.

I don't see it as a marker of age necessarily. Personally, I prefer to dye. There's no need to criticise any preference here.

And no, it's not the equivalent of corsets or foot binding, ffs.

I am reading all your replies, thankyou.

"If you go grey I think you have to have more expensive clothes, jewellery, glasses, make up.. You need to NOT look like a poor old lady, ykwim?? "

Gosh, yes, that would be terrible, if someone thought I was old or poor.

Gosh, yes, that would be terrible, if someone thought I was old or poor.

It’s even worse! You’d look old AND poor! The horror!

Well if that's the look you want to present, go for it!

The texture doesn’t necessarily change, mine hasn’t. It’s exactly the same as it was when I was 16 - which was when I found my first grey hair

"Well if that's the look you want to present, go for it!"

Thankfully, I am terribly young and rich so I don't need to fake it like some, thank God.

Interested in this as I have just started the process at age 52, haven’t dyed my hair for seven weeks now (usually would do the roots every three weeks). I’ve got a dark brown bob at the moment, it’s been my “look” since about 2012 so it’s going to be a big change to my whole identity I think. I’m just curious to know after all these years what my natural hair colour will look like.

So far it’s coming out quite a steely grey, whiter at the temples. It doesn’t look as awful as I thought it might. The line of colour is visible, but there’s grey coming through underneath my whole head iyswim, so it might not look as odd as I’d imagined as I grow it.

DP isn’t keen on the idea, neither are my kids - but they wouldn’t tell me to stop. And if they did I’d ignore them.

the old and poor thing

earlier this year, I had a dither about whether I wanted to carry on worrying about what I look like. I decided I don't want to worry about it and I am so glad I went that route.

OP your DH and your hairdresser get no say in your hair.

I’ve got a dark brown bob at the moment,

That’s the but that’s really annoying me. I’m 51 and the hair that was grey is now a beautiful white, but I have had that stubborn bloody brown blood for over 10yrs. I wish it would just fuck off! I’m considering dying my hair one of those beautiful grey colourings that you can get now. That way my whit/grey roots won’t be as noticeable, iykwim. I haven’t dyed for months, but am currently using one of those spray on colours as the long grey/white roots, dark blob and light brown dyed ends are awful looking. I really don’t want to get my hair cut short, because that’s so formulaic of women growing out their colours. I go online and see older women with amazing longer grey hair and that’s what I’m hoping for.

What an ahole. You are naturally going grey. That is nature. And he is not having it : whilst he is going grey himself seriously...?!

Grey is fine, your husband's attitude is not.

It’s your hair so you can do want you want with it. However, he also has the right to no longer find you attractive if he’s that against it.

S1 - I think the home dye grey kits might be tricky as you’d need to lighten your dark bits first.

I’d consider that if it starts to look awful as I grow mine but I’d probably go to a salon, and I expect it would be a couple of visits to get it to blend right. But after that I’d hope to be able to let nature take its course!?

It's your hair, but at times I have contemplated going white ( probably more natural colour in places) but dh and dd both tell me otherwise. Hairdresser says given I am still less than 50 %grey/white that colour looks better. If I am honest I agree am not sure I am ready . I would need a restyle. Am currently regrowing it after 18inches off at the beginning of the year. ( a row with dh it's a bit of a story )
Before deciding, think how grey you are and does it need much maintenance. Will your current style suit the colour?

I use spray to touch up roots and get highlights a couple of times a year .
It's your choice , but am glad my family talk me out of it. Btw I am much older.She

My natural hair colour is dark blonde/light brown, and I can't wait to go grey to save me from having to bleach and dye it myself! Unfortunately both my parents have very little grey in their late sixties, I've got about 20 grey hairs around my temples only (late thirties) so looks like I'll be waiting a while!

Of all the (many) colours my hair has been, I get the most compliments when it's white or light grey/silver (including from random people in the supermarket - I must have a very approachable face). Go for it if you want it!

I dyed my hair twice, in about mid-40s, when I judged it had gone grey enough to be worth it. I hated it. It was almost identical to my natural colour but it was such a solid colour and it kind of felt like cheating, somehow, like it wasn't really me. I just keep it clean and short nowadays, and it's still more brown than grey, just about, so why worry?

In any case, however much younger you (think you) make yourself look, it's never actually going to add even a day to your lifespan. It's only going to rob you of whatever time it took to faff about with bottles or sit gazing at the hairdresser's ceiling (not to mention the cost). If you enjoy it, why not, but if you don't, life is too brief IMO.