I want to go grey, but DH says no!

[KindleAndCake]

Who is being unreasonable?
I'm in my 40's and fed up of the constant dying of my hair. I've said I'm going to stop, but he says no. He really doesn't want me to. I've pointed out that he is going grey, but it seems it's one rule for him, and all that.

Out of interest, does constant dying your hair make it go grey quicker?

I think I’m in the minority here. I can see his point as he is looking at you constantly and vice versa.

I bugged my hubby for years to get a side parting, which he didn’t want to do. Eventually he agreed and both of us loved it, wink wink.

Also I’ve always had very very long hair and once cut it up into a bob. Asked which hubby preferred, he said he liked both. I insisted on hearing the truth and he said he preferred the longer hair so my hair is back long.

I don’t have grey hair and am in my forties but my mother let her grey hair come through at 46 and it aged her so badly!

No one has written that you can't embrace your grey unless you are; slim and lithe and fashionable or else you face added years to your age. If fact no one has ask the OP whether she is any of those things.

My posts were in response to your Harris v Foster post, not to the OP.

I hate the whole thing of 'you can't go grey because it ages you' as well as the 'you can't have long hair after the age of 40'.

I can have the hair I want as long as I like it.

If others want to dye their hair then fine just as I don't care if they think I look older because I don't. What I do care about is others telling me what I can or cannot do and that would include my DH.

I don’t get the sinful comment. Most of the people saying grey hair is bad say it because they think it means you’ve ‘let yourself go’ (never been sure why/what I’m holding on to to be honest). Those of us who like grey have pointed out that you can indeed have a good cut, dress stylishly, wear make up if you want to. The dichotomy suggested by a PP doesn’t seem to exist.
Incidentally, I don’t think make up looks good either. However natural, you can see it’s there and I don’t get why pastes and powders are considered to look better than skin in good condition.

I went grey 10 years ago. At first it was terrifying but now I think how much money I’ve saved - not to mention the hours I’ve saved by not sitting in a salon chair. My hair has turned white around my face & is silver throughout the rest of my hair & I’ve had many women ask how I ever dyed it to look like that - and then don’t believe me when I tell them it’s natural. The proper cut helps too. And you still have upkeep involved: use purple shampoo (Fanola is my favorite) and make sure the conditioner you use is either white or purple. Anything other than that is yellowing. Make sure you condition well & don’t forget that the texture of your hair changes dramatically. My hair has turned from soft to a texture that’s course & in places wiry - and frizzy. But there’s many products to combat that from Bumble and Bumble to John Frieda. I HATE IT when others bully me over the way I choose to wear my hair (or clothes or makeup) - do it if that’s what you want. And tell DH to shush. If he doesn’t like it? Tough darts. It’s YOUR hair, YOUR life, YOUR CHOICE. And if you decide you don’t like it, you can always start coloring it again. Good luck!

Good grief! So basically he thinks you'll look older with grey hair and he doesn't want to be seen with somebody who looks like that! What a loving message to give you.

Tell him you'll dye your hair if he dyes his ...

I embraced the grey two years ago, and I honestly love it. Looks so much better than the matt colour you get from dyeing. In much better condition as well. Suits skin tone and eyes better, too.
Miss my dark hair. But I’m happy with my new look. Young people spend a fortune doing the grey look. I get mine for free.
Your husband is maybe worried you will look ‘old’. It was my eldest son who put pressure on me to keep dyeing hair for that reason.
Give it a go. The growing out phase is tricky. But once done you are liberated from the cost and demand of constant dyeing hoo ha.
I’m a vocal advocate to allow women to do as they wish and not be forced by social norms to conform. F@@@ the older men are silver foxes but women just get old rubbish.

I’ve ditched the bottle but I’ve been blonde for years and got long hair. My dh likes long hair so I thought, he gets long, but I’m ditching the bottle. Plus my hair was starting to break as I’m older now and I’ve been dying it for years.

I now use purple shampoo which turns my bleached blonde, an ash blonde, which means my grey almost merges in...

I’m on the fence

I have (mistly) long dark hair

I have grey around my temples and through my parting, but it’s all still dark underneath /at the back

I’ve been having it ‘dealt eith’ fir a few years now. We started with ‘highlights’ which took my poor hairdresser A Very Long Time and have had half head and full head done since. We cannot get it the same colour as my natural colour it’s too dark at first and goes ginger/brassy gold far too quickly

I hate the ginger/brassy gold a lot its just not me

She’s tried several different things but nothing is working

At the moments it’s just growing out and the grey is settling in

Fortunately due to the current ombré style it looks ok at the back as the colours all blend, but there’s too much grey around my face and if I put it in a pony tail the dudes underneath are now s real silvery grey that
Picks up all the light!

The hair atnthe dudes us very silvery and silky texture but lots of the other greys are wirey and stick out - totally different texture to my brown hair

OH has no opinion and days he likes it as it is (whatever that is at the time) definitely prefers it long (me too, so that’s all good)

My mum (🙄thinks I should ‘take care of it - ie dye it)

Friends say various things

Small people don’t comment (wise)

I feel it makes ME looked older than I am (late 40’s) I don’t mind it making me look my age, let’s fsce it ...no other part of me still looks 20 or even 30 frankly - though new people always think I’m younger than I am)

I’m not sure whether to try a new hair dresser, give mine another shot at it or just let the grey take over 🙇🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️
...or to try some of the mousse stuff? As it so localised

Switsy - a better comparison would be me and Arlene and I assure you that I look better.

I’m 25 and have decided to age gracefully.

Oh Aye. Come back in 20 years & let us know how that’s working out for you at 25 I was going to age gracefully too...now I’m preferring to age disgracefully

Firstly, as pretty much every pp has said, your hair, your choice.
But I’m sad to read comments such as ‘grey hair is always ageing and doesn’t look good on younger people etc’ As a 41yr old who has become severely allergic to all dyes, I’be no choice but to embrace my natural greys. Sometimes I feel frustrated that I can’t have my lovely shiny brown locks back, but I’m making peace with being naturally me. Though it’s made ten times harder knowing people out there are judging how ‘old’ I must look 🤨

My hair came out with chemo at age 49. Up to that point I had died my hair. I found wigs very uncomfortable so it meant everyone saw my naturally grey hair. So I left it. It’s a lot cheaper than dying it!! The only thing is my mum still dyes hers so she is brunette (actually pure white) and that does piss me off slightly.

dreamthemoors what do you use for the frizz? ( thanks!)

55 years old and certainly not frumpy or "let go" just happy in my own skin with my own natural hair . This really is a hugely emotive subject but as someone who had lots of grey in my twenties as so many do I really don't feel this should be such an ageist thread . Age really has nothing to do with our choices in how we look . We , more than any other generation do not have to retreat gracefully into girdles and have 'sensible ' hair cuts as we age . We are so fortunate in being able to be exactly what we choose to be . Never before have women had it so good in terms of our appearance. Each to their absolute own and we should all be supporting of all choice

Neither my mother nor her mother ever dyed their hair. My mother was a hairdresser so she could have easily done so. In fact, she used to get asked by other hairdressers how she did her silver streak and highlights in her dark hair! I can't remember my father without white hair, so I'm happy to embrace my silver strands that have been there since my late 30s. I know several women who let their hair go natural and they all look beautiful because of the character that shines from their faces - their hair colour is incidental to their beauty.

@Vicliz24, you look wonderful, thank you for having the courage to post that. Hopefully that will shut up those who maintain grey makes you look ten years older.

Era, I absolutely believe that you look better than Arlene. The people who believe that the earth is flat and that being gay is an abomination, well they get the faces they deserve!

Alsohuman thank you 😊 I have absolutely no issue with anyone choosing any particular look for themselves but I can't get on board with the shaming of others choices .

My husband is the reverse, I have my hair coloured (every 14 days) and he wants to colour his because he hates his grey.

I am so grossed out at the thought, it reminds me of the guy on the Sopranos, and honestly I don't even know what I'd do if he goes through with it and he says I'm a hypocrite.

Some of my friends who've embraced the grey look twenty years older. It doesn't suit every one. Neither DH or I are going grey it seems in our 40s! He has one grey hair and I have none so I can't judge through personal experience!

I’m 71 and still have a head of medium length dark shiny brown hair (nothing I can congratulate myself for-just family genetics)with just the odd one or two white hairs here and there. Husband who is 4yrs younger has been totally white for nearly 10 yrs , there is no way I’d expect him to colour his hair, it’s all about giving people/partners the respect they deserve! Do your own thing!

@Vicliz24 has given my bravery a boost. So, 66 in August, grey for the last 23 years.

Wowsa, alsohuman, beautiful.

Alsohuman you look fabulous. Confident hand happy