I want to go grey, but DH says no!

[KindleAndCake]

Who is being unreasonable?
I'm in my 40's and fed up of the constant dying of my hair. I've said I'm going to stop, but he says no. He really doesn't want me to. I've pointed out that he is going grey, but it seems it's one rule for him, and all that.

Out of interest, does constant dying your hair make it go grey quicker?

I am openly and proudly silver haired. I have been for six years. I grew it out when I was 49 and truly have never had so many compliments on my hair . There are lots of great groups on Facebook and Instagram that prove time and time again that having grey hair is liberating and mostly suits people's skin and eyes far better than any artificial colour ever can . I'm still me , still wear modern clothes and make up I'm just happier. I don't feel old or drab in fact quite the opposite I feel unique and certainly not invisible. I know lots of women from all walks of life and through vast age ranges who are also happy being their natural colour . Age is a wonderful thing , a privilege denied to many and it doesn't have to be a sentence it can be a joy . Women need to be more supportive of each other . Some of the comments I'm reading are horrible and hurtful . Colour or don't but be respectful of each woman's personal choice

He doesn’t real get a say in it does he? Anyway, grey is super trendy. Even teens and twenty somethings are colouring theirs grey. I stopped colouring and can’t believe I didn’t do it before.

@Vicliz24 . Beautiful post. 💕

Laughing at some of the misconceptions above!!

I'm 56, and I have had my hair highlighted blonde since I was 19. I don't have a single grey! I hate the thought! Some grey is just so ageing, I'm sorry. I wouldn't mind if I thought I would go a nice platinum shade or snow white... otherwise I won't be ditching the hair dye any time soon. I don't think my DH or my kids would particularly be keen on my going grey, when it becomes a possibility but I think it's up to every woman to decide what she does with her own hair. At least your DH has an interest, OP!

Tell him you've made an appointment to go bald. When you come back not he might shut up. Don't ask just do - it's purely personal 2u

For any ladies going grey, you'll need to revamp the colours you wear. Obviously you will look crap in black, brown, cream and possibly a lot of green shades.

Red, pink, peach, pastel yellow, lilac, light blues and purple will all suit though Absolute rubbish, it’s skin tones that matter most. I’m deathly milky white I’ve always looked awful in yellow tones and don’t possess a single clothes item in those colours, and never will. The above thinking though explains the colours of the clothes in the “classic”, ie granny, sections of shops like M&S. It seems they expect you to fade away in a fog of pastels.

Obviously you will look crap in black.....

What?!

Black outfit with grey hair looks fabulous!

My 30 year old friend went from blonde to grey and Omg she instantly looked 20 years older, like she looked in her 50s,it was shocking unsurprisingly it only lasted a week before she was blonde again. Only teenagers could pull that trend off imo.

Yeah if only Arlene Foster had grey hair she'd be on equal looks footing with Sarah Harris...

@Vicliz24, absolutely. There’s some really nasty spite on this thread.

And fyi Sarah Harris' hair is not completely natural either. Lots of toners at work there.

I think the problem is starting to dye it in the first place. If you don’t, the grey just slowly develops and hair gradually gets lighter rather than having to go through a phase of colored ends and grey roots. Although this may depend on your original color. I’m 55, got first grey hairs at 19 ( something our ds has inherited). Am now mainly white with sone blond ( my natural color) streaks

To answer the original question, yanbu. Your hair, your choice, especially if your dh thinks he has the right to choose for himself. In practical terms, point out that the longer you wait, the less attractive the transition phase will look, that constantly dying hair is bad for it and also that there is research suggesting possible links between frequent use of hair dye and some cancers. I do understand that men can have strong views about their wives’ hair ( my dh prefers me to keep my hair long) but I’m sure your health and happiness would be more important to him in the long run

There are some really odd comments on this thread. The editor of Vogue would look lovely whatever hair she had. And do you honestly believe she does nothing to it? If so you are extremely gullible.

And there are two camps on this thread: those who think that self-maintenance is ok and those who purport to be feminists but actually sound darn near like Puritans to me in the belief that any attention to appearance is sinful . You can actually have grey hair and go to the hairdresser. It's not all or nothing.

I presume you asked his opinion and he said that he'd rather you didn't. He's allowed to express his honest opinion, but not dictate it, obvs. I think it boils down to men thinking that their partner going grey serves to emphasise their own ageing, which many really don't like..

Swifsy -Yeah if only Arlene Foster had grey hair she'd be on equal looks footing with Sarah Harris...

My reference was to age not attractiveness....that leap was all you. I also don't see any evidence of toners.

Sure, sure. You chose the photos. Your intent was clear.

I'm not sticking up for Foster, can't stand the woman. But the idea that you can draw equal comparison between the two is a little silly.

It's clear Harris uses toners. Nothing wrong with that, her hair looks gorgeous.

Tbh Sarah Harris’s hair does not look grey to me, it looks beige blonde.

If you have the right hair dye for your skin tone, thick enough hair to not see the scalp, then I do think hair dye looks far better than grey. I'm blonde so it's easy to cover greys. I appreciate it may be more difficult to maintain darker hair.

Young people are dying their hair grey. It's a fashion, it will go out of fashion, so I wouldn't suggest that's a basis for thinking it's hip to be grey.

If you look at most photographs of someone with a good colour, against a photo of them as natural grey, chances are the colour will look better. If looking younger is important to you too (and it might not be) then you will look younger with the good dye too.

Personally, I don't know any women at all in their 40's with grey hair, and few in their 50's. Most women I know with grey hair are older pensioners.

I agree with the PO upthread, to "get away" with grey her as a younger person, you need to be slim and dress in a funky way. That's my opinion.

That said, it's your opinion, not your husbands. You can easily change hair though if you don't like it - quick trip to hairdresser

You make a solid argument with no holes in it at all. So they don't look the same age then? They can't look the same age because what? Sarah Harris has used a toner?

I have no choice but to let mine go grey now due to an horrendous dye allergy. Instead of faffing about with henna on a weekly basis, I've given up. I don't suit blonde so highlights are not an option, my silver streaks though...I think they look great and I've had a lot of compliments. My hairdresser gives me some chocolate lowlights in foil to manage the growth and that keeps it all even and in good shape. If I had the choice about dyeing it..I would..I am two months off 50. It has, however, made my eyes look incredibly blue. If I were with my ex-h, he would hate it. He wouldn't encourage it at all.

However, I feel quite happy to let it go like this and you should too if that's what you want. I agree with the posters who say there are lots of groups on FB and Insta that are really encouraging and you can see how gorgeous it can look with the right make up, even on really young women who have gone silver grey very prematurely. I do think it's OK for your DH to voice an opinion though, because I'd imagine you'd do the same if it was something you didn't like (ie : beard/no beard). Ultimately though, it's your hair and your choice!

Era, Sarah would look younger for many reasons. She's slim and lithe and fashionable. Foster is none of those.

Sinful? Where does it say that?
I think most in the happy being grey camp are not critical of the choice of others to dye their hair. And most of us have in the past, and have good reason not to want to do it any more.
I suspect if I were not in a secure and happy marriage with a man who loves me, I would feel less confident tbh, but I am lucky to be so.

In some lights my hair looks blonde, shudder. In other lights it looks white and then I move again for it to look silver. Oh, perhaps someone toned my hair when I wasn't looking.

And I'm merely pointing out the use of toners as not all grey is as low maintenance as it may first appear.

Switsy, but for those they say grey hair adds 10 years to you don't use those caveats that you have quoted. It's flawed logic.

No one has written that you can't embrace your grey unless you are; slim and lithe and fashionable or else you face added years to your age. If fact no one has ask the OP whether she is any of those things.