I want to go grey, but DH says no!

[KindleAndCake]

Who is being unreasonable?
I'm in my 40's and fed up of the constant dying of my hair. I've said I'm going to stop, but he says no. He really doesn't want me to. I've pointed out that he is going grey, but it seems it's one rule for him, and all that.

Out of interest, does constant dying your hair make it go grey quicker?

I’m in my early 40s and stopped dying my hair about three or four months ago. I stopped because I’m trying to go greener (eco, not green hair). I don’t want those chemicals washing into the sea because I’m under pressure from society to not have grey hair.

My dh wasn’t keen. And at first kept asking if I’d changed my mind yet. He got told it’s none of his business.

I’m fine with it now. Wasn’t keen at first. I have shoulder length hair and it’s a good few inches down from my roots now. It’s actually not as grey as I expected so far. Though far more than 50% of it is grey.

It’s so much cheaper and quicker getting a hair cut.

It's your choice, but I have to say, I think it is very ageing on anyone under 60.
It's an unfair fact that it makes men look distinguished but it can make women look older.

He's in his 40's and thinks it will make you look like you're in your 60's which is ok if you are actually in your 60's. but you're not.

I'm trying to see if from his point of view as well.
It's still your choice.

It's your choice of course but he has to look at you every day and at least he has been honest.

Haven't RTFT but I decided to go grey a year ago in my late 40s and my OH was ambivalently supportive. Sadly, my dreams of being a silky silver siren were dashed when my grey started coming through in witchy-like, wiry strands so I dyed it again. Afterwards my OH admitted he wasn't that keen on the grey but no way would've he tried to have dictate whether I kept it like that or not.

Oh, and I'll be letting it go grey again when there's more of it coming through!

As someone who finished going grey in my 30's, I'm now in my late 40's I can say with experience that: For any ladies going grey, you'll need to revamp the colours you wear. Obviously you will look crap in black, brown, cream and possibly a lot of green shades.

Red, pink, peach, pastel yellow, lilac, light blues and purple will all suit though. this is crap.

I can't wear peach or pastel yellow but I look brilliant in black. I can also wear emerald green.

To me it is so obvious when a woman is dyeing hair to hide the grey, it is hardly ever convincing. It is also much more noticeable since I embraced my natural hair colour.

I was 100% grey by 35 and It took until I was mid 40's not to give a crap about showing it. Wish I'd done it earlier because my hair is amazing.

If your only 40 then keep dying it. Men look hot with grey hair. Women don’t. It’s not very fair but it’s true. You want him to fancy you don’t you....

I've just bitten the bullet had all my hair cut short in order to let it grow back grey, bit drastic but quite liberating. Bit of a shock to see how grey it really is 😂. It's not his choice by the way, maybe as someone else suggested, start with highlights and do it gradually will be less of a shock for him...... Although again it isn't really about him it's up to you 😉xx

I'm 33 and have decided to stop colouring, and yes I am actually quite grey!
It really is your choice and he would support you and love you no matter what YOU want to do x

I have half a head grey and the back not! So even my "lets just go grey" was not great! I have had highlights put in to blend the colours and avoid the dreaded obvious line. I think solid dark colour from box dye is also ageing as it is high maintenance. It was a shock looking at a photos that two years of foils had made me basically grey/blond and I feel frumpy (and poor).... no glamour shiny gorgeous grey for me . Husband doesn't mind any which way (quite right too!), it is what you want but a gradual change may help you both adapt! I just want to be young with dark flowing locks again

I think he’s saying no because it will highlight the fact you’re both getting older and to be brutally honest ..he doesn’t think he’ll fancy you anymore. I’m all for your right to decide and it’s your hair not his but you need to be prepared for his reaction.

Putthekettleon that's rubbish.
Just because someone dyes their hair they're automatically 'hot'?

3catsandcounting

I lost my hair aged 41 due to chemotherapy. I then let my hair grow to shoulder length and dyed it.
Now though, I have gone back to short hair and after my last cut, most of the colour has gone. I now have salt and pepper hair and quite like it.
It is your choice what you do with your hair. I do worry that I will look older (am 45), but have made it my mission to have glowing skin, so I still look good. But, this is totally for my benefit.

Ageing? Seriously?

images.app.goo.gl/94mHDjKuekVQVPFc8

My cousin (dark hair) went grey quite early (mid 30s). She dyed her hair for years, until three years ago when her husband was terminally ill, and as she put it, "l had other things to worry about".
Her hair is now about 60% grey (darker at the back, gorgeous silver at the front) and it's in beautiful condition. Personally l think it looks much healthier than it did when she dyed it.
l'm luckier. l had very coppery hair when l was younger, when l seeing silver threads in my 40s, l had lowlights put in to 'dilute' them. l haven't dyed it for years now, and it's just looking lighter, not actually 'grey'. l think in that respect blondes and redheads have it much easier than brunettes.
Could you maybe try lowlights, OP, that would blend it without the initial shock of going entirely grey? Having said that, if my OH told me l had to dye mine to get rid of the grey, l would not be happy! He's dark and has silver threads and looks amazing, though. Men seem to get away with it much more easily, unfortunately.

He's being a complete ass - it really does sound a bit like "I won't fancy you any more if you go grey", which I'd find very hurtful. I have an opposite husband - he says, "you can do what you like, it's your hair, but I prefer it silver" which is lovely, but I prefer it crazy colours. (Staying silver for now just cos I love him enough!)

FlamingoQueen l agree with you about the 'glowing skin' thing. lt makes a difference when you look like you make an effort, rather than just giving up. And l do think you need to readjust makeup (if you wear it) and the colours you wear, as PP have said.

l'm actually hoping mine goes white eventually. l've seen loads of gorgeous older ladies with the most beautiful hair, it's almost platinum and always in lovely condition because it hasn't been chemically treated. A decent haircut always helps too.

I turn 50 in September. In December last year, after years of ‘subtle highlights/lowlights’ I decided to dye my hair red - much to the horror of my autistic son (note to self always pre-warn an autistic about change!)
It was fun and then I went purple... also fun. I’ve missed an appointment to have my roots done again and, after reading this post, I’m not going to bother! I’m going to let it grow out and see how it is au natural! My hair is short and grows quickly so I can always go back if I want to but at the end of the day, my family would always trust me to know what I want for me!!
Do what you want, not what your husband says you must do! X

I have lots of grey hair now. I don't give a shiny shit whether people think it 'ages' me.

I am happy getting older and don't have any inclination to try and alter that by dyeing my hair. I think that comes from the fact that I have never really bought into the whole 'you must look a certain way' at any age of my life.

I remember reading something ages ago about weight and it stuck with me. It was along the lines of 'do you think that people naturally gravitate to the thinnest person in the room at a party or the person that carries more weight but is the happiest and most confident?' I think this applies to most things when it comes down to appearance including going grey.

If my DH told me he wanted me to cover up my grey I would be thinking I had married a superficial arse rather than someone who wanted to grow old with me.

Ageing? Check out - Erica Henry Johnston / Annika Van Holt. Ageing? Enough said.

I notice many couples where the wife is meticulous appearance wise with perfectly dyed hair, tasteful make up, trim figure while the husband is grey, fat and old looking! I don’t think men feel the same need to ‘make the effort’ as women, but of course I don’t know who’s making the choices!

Why are you consulting other people about your hair? I’m 25 and have decided to age gracefully. I’m sporting a few greys-i still look twenty apparently I imagine will do for sometime. Crack on and do whatever you want.

Age 36 and the editor of British Vogue, this is Sarah Harris. Wow, doesn't she look ancient. By all accounts on this thread Sarah Harris looks 46, 10 years old than her actual age........

Now look at Arlene Foster who is 48. Do these 2 women look the same age? No, they don't. Just so you know Arlene Foster dyes her hair.....shush, its a secret.