I want to go grey, but DH says no!

[KindleAndCake]

Who is being unreasonable?
I'm in my 40's and fed up of the constant dying of my hair. I've said I'm going to stop, but he says no. He really doesn't want me to. I've pointed out that he is going grey, but it seems it's one rule for him, and all that.

Out of interest, does constant dying your hair make it go grey quicker?

I have friends that spend lots of time & money on their hair, make up & other beauty treatments
I only spend on the occasional haircut

Whatever your hair or face style is

The important things are your health, kindness, generosity, warmth as a person, friendship, loyalty

It doesn't matter what you look like on the outside, it's what's inside that counts

B3s1detheR1ver

I don't know WHY some women on here have such a huge problem with other women making an effort with their looks, dying their hair, wearing make up, shaving their pubes, or leg hair or armpit hair. So much hate for women who want to look good

The reason is because men are expected to do absolutely NONE of these things in order to be viewed as attractive.

Rubbish - I would absolutely expect a partner to take care of themselves - shave so they didn't have a straggly beard for example and I wouldn't be attracted to a man who didn't take pride in their appearance confused

Really, sercillian? Men are expected to cover their grey, wear make up, shave their pubes, leg and armpit hair? You must live in a very different society to me.

Expectations on women and their appearance far, far outweigh what is expected of men. You’d have to be either stupid or ignorant to deny this.

Use a semi permanent colour close to your natural colour.

Each time you do your roots leave it on a few minutes less. Very gradually you'll fade to grey.

Do it by stealth!

Do whatever you feel comfortable with.

Personally I don’t like the look of grey hair, especially with dark hair like mine where grey stragglers really show up and I dye mine cheaply at home and it doesn’t take long.
I think for you have a full head of grey though it’s easier to embrace it because of the roots.

I decided to dye my hair. Did it slightly differently. Apparently it doesn't look good. I will be reducing it a darker colour tonight. Hope is goes well but I need a better plan as I'm sick of dyeing it.

Sunshine does "apparently" mean that someone else has criticised it?

if you are fine with it. Keep it.

are you the OP with a name change? I thought that when I saw your posts before but then thought I was losing it!

And a woman with hair that is wiry and frizzy and grey, does not look like someone who takes care of herself. - actually, my grey/white hair is the softest, shiniest of my hair. I don't have frizzy hair, but I do have wavy/curly when it gets long, and it is in the best condition ever.

I used to work with a 'granny' - she was 60, short, slightly overweight, frumpy dresser, couldn't understand the computer, couldn't use a smartphone properly, was actually a granny... she coloured her (blonde) hair.

I hung around with the 40-somethings, didn't bother with colouring my hair (neither did they), worn the minimum make-up, dressed fairly young (things that suit me, rather than suit my age) and had loads of fun. (And I can use a computer and smart phone )
The 'Granny' was 4 years older than me. And looked and acted 20 years older.

Age is nothing to do with hair colour.

He’s not the boss of you, OP.

Tell him you’ll die your hair when he gets a six pack like Gandy. The model not the skinny dead guy.

*dye

There's nothing more ageing than someone squawking on about how awful it is when other women - um, see or do things differently to them. Bingbongnoise, you're in your 40s?! You sound bloody ancient. Tell the 1950s they can have their attitudes back. No point dyeing your hair and plucking like a stressed chicken when you sound like Mary Whitehouse

I find the comment that colouring your hair = looking after yourself ridiculous. I haven't let myself go by stopping dyeing my hair. I choose to wear makeup, to dress smartly, etc and I choose not to colour my hair or have my nails done. That does not mean I don't care or look ancient. I don't care what other women do or don't; that's their choice.

I used to work with a 'granny' - she was 60, short, slightly overweight, frumpy dresser, couldn't understand the computer, couldn't use a smartphone properly, was actually a granny... she coloured her (blonde) hair.

Wtf has being short got to do with anything in this thread? Are you saying being short is ageing?

What’s any of that got to do with anything on this thread?

"I think the only people who are 'fooling themselves' are the ones who think having grey hair (especially in your 30s, 40s, and 50s,) is not ageing ... It adds ten years to some women. And yeah, grey hair does look better on men. Sorry, but it just does...........

The radfems can me what they like. Doesn't change the fact that natural grey hair showing through is very ageing, and looks worse on women than it does on men.."
I agree. Bleached Blonde hair on someone who isn't a natural blonde is very aging too. I bleached mine blonde for quite a few years then got bored with doing it. I dyed it a similar colour to my roots then let it grow out. I was complimented so much on how much younger I looked and also discovered that I adore my natural hair colour.

Perhaps natural is always best?

For any ladies going grey, you'll need to revamp the colours you wear. Obviously you will look crap in black, brown, cream and possibly a lot of green shades.

Red, pink, peach, pastel yellow, lilac, light blues and purple will all suit though.

It's not that grey hair isn't ageing on men, it's that they're allowed to age.

I've been thinking about this thread a lot. @Bingbongnoise - having read through the entire thread, I don't see the double standards you mention.
What I was getting at was that women are under massive social pressure to have non-grey hair.
If anyone, male or female, chooses to dye their air, shave various bits, wear make up etc, it's entirely down to them. And certainly I agree that within our culture, anyone with greying hair is perceived to look older than they are. But that is purely fashion. It's only relatively recently that most women have coloured their hair to the extent that we do. It's got to the point where a woman who chooses not to is considered to have let herself go.
My comment about being unhappy about ageing was not directed at any posters on this thread, but more at society in general. And that's what makes me a little bit frustrated. I started going grey at 45 ish, and honestly would have been ok with it, except that I would have been the only one among any (female) friends under 60 to not have colour in my hair. Even now at 54, I am feeling somewhat rebellious at embracing the 'silver highlights'.
My motives to stop dyeing include concerns about the environmental impact and the use of harsh chemicals on my head. And also a growing belief that a natural look is very attractive. Grey hair does not need to look unkempt, straggly or uncared for.
Getting older and giving less of a fuck feels freeing - and I simply mean I don't care what others think. It doesn't mean I don't care about my appearance.
Turning a grey haired woman down for a job would be very discriminatory.

OP to get back to you, I suspect that unless your DH has other controlling tendencies and was just expressing an opinion, he has probably also been swept up in current social norms about ageing.
@B3s1detheR1ver as above, there are many attractive qualities about a person that make them seem vibrant and young x

Do what you want.
I went grey a few months ago, I shaved my head to do it.
DH has nothing but compliments about it, he even said how much better it suited my skin tone. While that is nice I wouldn't care either way because I love it. He has grew a breard and looks like Papa Smurf but is stupidly pleased with it and it makes him happy so why would I say anything negative?
I'm 50 and my hair is in excellent condition and I have to thin it out every few weeks it has got so thick since I stopped the dye/bleach.
I agree with the pp who said we have been so used to it only being much older women going grey/white.
I'm perfectly capable of still looking groomed
In fact I'm bloody gorgeous

I disagree with the colours, black and navy look much better on me now.
I don't think you can say what colours suit people just because they've gone grey. There are numerous shades of grey, and skin tone is still a factor.

@RosaWaiting - I'm not the OP, just crashed the thread a bit. DH says there are still orangey bits so I've got another colour and will try again later. I can see he has a point now I've seen it in daylight.

Tell your DH to go fuck himself. That’s the only reasonable response.

Yes, I still look great in black and navy too. And cobalt blue. I look shit in pastels. Spot on @Ruminthebath.

Thing is, I’m 54. I’ve been with DH forever and he’s going nowhere. He’s not crazy about my grey hair, hankers back to when it was red and long and curly but, you know, I hanker back to when his was long and thick and Dave Grohlesque.

Basically, everyone in my life that I care about, DH, my lovely kids, my family, my friends, give not a shit that my hair is grey. Because they love me. And frankly I don’t care a toss for any other randomer’s opinion.

Dyed hair has pretty much had its day I think. All the cool older women go grey.

And as for Crayons DH not wanting to “shag a granny”, I’m so sorry for you that your husband is so ghastly. I think DH would love to be shagging a granny. Sadly our grown up kids are too flighty to make me one.