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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think most women hope for a baby girl?

665 replies

Rowennaravenclaw · 21/06/2019 20:21

I know, once the baby is here, we love them and wouldn't change them for anything, whatever their sex.

But before the baby arrives, I think that the majority of women want a daughter. If you google gender disappointment, there seem to be way more hits about wanting a girl than a boy. I think it's probably natural, seeing as we have all been little girls ourselves and so imagine them to be a known quantity, and people tend to be drawn to what is familiar. Of course it changes once the baby arrives and we get to know the special person they are.

So, controversial, but AIBU?

OP posts:
ZandathePanda · 22/06/2019 15:09

Dh and I couldn’t care less but everyone around me seemed to want me to have a girl. I thought it odd but yanbu.

SaintEyning · 22/06/2019 15:10

Only wanted a boy to the point I was quite irrational about it possibly being a girl until the 20 week scan. Then huge relief and a resolve never to get pregnant again in case I had a girl the next time.

Ihatehashtags · 22/06/2019 22:19

I’ve got to say as a sonographer I get quite disgusted when couples come in and all they are worried about is the baby’s gender. Even worse when they show disappointment when it’s not the gender they wanted. They have no idea how lucky they are to even be pregnant.

bigredvase · 22/06/2019 22:22

@Ihatehashtags as a sonographer, you should know it's sex, not gender

happyhillock · 22/06/2019 22:22

I wanted girl's and got two

Ihatehashtags · 22/06/2019 22:35

Get stuffed @bigredvase what a stupid pointless comment.

Mabellavender · 22/06/2019 22:51

I hate the way people call it gender all the time too. They are two different things!

dustarr73 · 23/06/2019 01:03

@Ihatehashtag I hate sonogrophers who pass comment.On my 5th boy she actually looked sorry for me.And asked me was i sad that it wasnt a girl. I did say something to my midwife as that wasnt a nice comment.So it does work both ways

ElizThompson · 23/06/2019 01:11

No!
I think it's totally wrong!

FionasWineShow · 23/06/2019 01:22

Only wanted a boy to the point I was quite irrational about it possibly being a girl until the 20 week scan. Then huge relief and a resolve never to get pregnant again in case I had a girl the next time.

How OTT ridiculous. 🙄

MarthasGinYard · 23/06/2019 06:52

Isn't it just

BenWillbondsPants · 23/06/2019 08:10

I never understand the point of these threads when they pop up. They're always going to piss people off because they're just goady.

'Girls are better than boys/boys are better than girls'. It's school playground stuff.

SinkGirl · 23/06/2019 08:14

I didn’t have a preference either way, but when we found out our twins were boys I was shocked I felt so relieved. Not because I wanted boys over girls, but because of the shit I’ve had to deal with because I’m female.

Ihatehashtags · 23/06/2019 08:20

@dustarr73 I would never pass comment. That would be totally unprofessional. I am however allowed to think what I like.

notyetsleepingthrough · 23/06/2019 08:20

imagined a boy (I did not really want either - I mean I did not mind which but when imagining it was more often than not a boy). got one (husband imagined girl). 2nd time around everyone told me surely now I want a girl. Still did not really WANT anything but imagined a boy (basically a second version of one) and got a second boy. (Needless to say, second one is not a copy of one)

Bumpsadaisie · 23/06/2019 08:23

I didn't. I wanted a gang of boys. My eldest is a dd, quite a feminine one too. Of course she is my delight and my joy! I adore my son too. But I am quite glad I don't have four of him ....

moomin11 · 23/06/2019 08:30

Not in my experience no. I genuinely didn't care whether I had a boy or a girl and in my husband's family there is definitely a preference for boys if anything. Including when they already have boys. So I think the assumption that women generally want daughters (and fathers want sons) is a sweeping generalisation.

EugenesAxe · 23/06/2019 08:36

Although I didn’t mind, I do know what you mean. My friend has said she wishes she had a girl, although her two boys are great and she loves them dearly.

I don’t know if it has anything to do with your relationship with your own DM; looking to have the same closeness? And possibly the potential MIL stigma, although plenty of women do love their MILs like a mother.

FionasWineShow · 23/06/2019 08:55

I'm just glad I have one of each. This way, I don't have to feel protective - or bizarrely defensive - either way.

What a way to live. Confused

Redwinestillfine · 23/06/2019 08:58

I think most women hope for a healthy happy baby.

Whatsername7 · 23/06/2019 08:59

Wanted a boy. Got two girls. They're the loves of my life.

MarthasGinYard · 23/06/2019 09:36

'bizarrely defensive'

Some posters are just that....worryingly so

2eternities · 23/06/2019 10:01

in my experience no Yanbu, I have one of each and have heard about 3 times the preferences for girls than boys from the women I know. I had DD first and have to admit really wanted a girl, I am one of 3 and also love pink etc, I'm not ashamed and DD is everything I could have wished for, she loves pink, my little pony, unicorns and is gorgeously pretty with long golden hair. But my God has she been harder work than DS (he is 3 she is 5!)

I couldn't imagine life without my boy though I never longed for a boy, he's a ray of sunshine and simple Ness among the drama and stubborn Ness that DD often is. He also slept like a dream since birth, unlike DD so In my experience boys are easier.

My SIL Had her third boy recently and obviously loves him but was openly devastated when she found out. She's very close to MIL and has expressed her fear of losing the boys to wives etc in the future and not having her own close mother daughter relationship. I pointed out not everyone is close to their mum but she dismissed it, the idea a DD wouldn't necessarily be close was dismissed as if impossible since she's so close to her mum.

I under her fears though as though her brothers love their mum they don't make as much effort as the daughters and are always with their own wives and family, and in general men are less emotionally supportive to their families than women.

Peachi82 · 23/06/2019 10:01

I didn't find out during pregnancy but wasn't too fussed anyway. I thought we are having a girl, so it was a right surprise when it was a boy.
We love him to bits and I couldn't imagine not having him, he's just perfect.

My only worry was that my little brother died as a baby (whereas all his sisters lived), so I was worried a lot about loosing him. And I think my mum had a few difficulties seeing another baby boy, and I think she can't help but compare and is wondering how my little brother would have turned out. But she is better with it now, I just think it did tear up a lot of old wounds for her.

AliasGrape · 23/06/2019 10:43

We are struggling ttc and it’s been a hard road, so of course all I want is a happy healthy baby of either sex.

However, when I’ve pictured being a mum I’ve always imagined a daughter, and if I’m 100% honest there is a slight preference there. Not because I want to dress her up like a doll or play princesses - in fact I’d actively resist all that. I can’t say why really, it’s just what I’ve always pictured. Equally though, the world feels like a disproportionately unsafe and unfair place for women and girls and I know I would worry hugely about that too.

Like I said it’s looking increasingly unlikely we'll be able to have children at all so it’s irrelevant anyway, and obviously if I was to be lucky enough to have a successful pregnancy I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t give a stuff what sex the baby was.

I have known some women express disappointment to be having a boy, never the other way round so anecdotal experience means I can see where OP was coming from, but it’s not a scientific survey so unlikely to be accurate!

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