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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think most women hope for a baby girl?

665 replies

Rowennaravenclaw · 21/06/2019 20:21

I know, once the baby is here, we love them and wouldn't change them for anything, whatever their sex.

But before the baby arrives, I think that the majority of women want a daughter. If you google gender disappointment, there seem to be way more hits about wanting a girl than a boy. I think it's probably natural, seeing as we have all been little girls ourselves and so imagine them to be a known quantity, and people tend to be drawn to what is familiar. Of course it changes once the baby arrives and we get to know the special person they are.

So, controversial, but AIBU?

OP posts:
ChihuahuaMummy1 · 22/06/2019 10:58

No I wanted a boy and got one.

Someone9 · 22/06/2019 11:02

Yes I agree OP. All my friends, my sister and I all wanted girls. The only person I know who wants boys is my younger sister and she hasn't had children yet. She's one of those types who "gets on better" with boys Hmm y'know - the internalized misogyny mumbo jumbo. Secretly hoping she has a load of girls Grin

MrsMiggins37 · 22/06/2019 11:10

Yes I agree OP. All my friends, my sister and I all wanted girls. The only person I know who wants boys is my younger sister and she hasn't had children yet. She's one of those types who "gets on better" with boys hmm y'know - the internalized misogyny mumbo jumbo. Secretly hoping she has a load of girls

You seem to think you’re better than her. Why is your preference for a girl Ok but not hers for a boy?

I really feel sorry for people who reduce another human being to little more than their sex. Definitely sad. I’m glad I’m not like that.

TheSerenDipitY · 22/06/2019 11:11

i wanted a boy, and i got a girl
wasnt meant to have any more but i snuck one in, the ob wasnt happy with me and offered to clamp me so it wouldnt happen again, but i got my boy and wont risk it again

Someone9 · 22/06/2019 11:19

I don't think I'm better than her MrsMiggins37 it's the opposite - she's really haughty about girls, really opinionated about boys being better than girls (which is daft considering she is one!)

tomtom1999xx · 22/06/2019 11:23

The only thing I’ve noticed is women seem to want a boy 1st & then they don’t mind.
Maybe it’s wanting that ‘big brother protection’ thing?

Aberforthsgoat · 22/06/2019 11:27

Having had two previous losses I couldn’t care less what we have, I’m just hoping we actually get a healthy baby this time

Previously I had no leaning either. I think it’s a bit of a stereotype to think women want girls primarily.

myself2020 · 22/06/2019 11:43

@drspouse no, you don’t have to buy them, and i wouldn’t have. but smiling and saying thank you to people for stuff that i think is beyond ugly is something i’m quits glad i don’t havd to do. of course that’s a minor thing, but still

EC22 · 22/06/2019 11:47

I have always had a preference for a girl, was never disappointed with my boys.

phoenixrosehere · 22/06/2019 11:50

I love my boys however I did hope for a girl because it was something I knew. I’d know the challenges she would likely face and be able to help and guide her through it. Even if we ended up having absolutely nothing in common, we would at least have being female and the things that come with it.

My husband and I wanted a healthy baby, but we both admitted we preferred our own genders. Despite my preferences, I still fell in love with my boys before they were born and it was cemented once I held them in my arms. I do struggle though with them and find myself constantly having to ask my husband if some of the things they do are normal especially with their genitalia. I always saw myself having three children preferably two daughter and a son. I still hope one day we can give our sons a little sister and it does sometimes catch me off guard how much it hurts that it may possibly never happen and stings when I hear of someone we know having a daughter. The comments also don’t help when people say maybe you’ll get granddaughters. It’s not comforting in the slightest. I wouldn’t push my boys to have children and would want them to be happy whether they chose to procreate or not and there is no guarantee that they would have daughters either. Also, being told that I should be grateful because boys are so much easier than girls makes me feel like I’m doing something wrong.

1300cakes · 22/06/2019 11:58

You only need to look at the reasons why people want one sex over another. Clothes, hobbies, spa day etc.

Dont think any pp has listed spa day or similar as reason for having a preference for a girl.

It seems some people are a very long way from just valuing people for who they are rather than what they have between their legs.

Sex is more than just "what's between [your] legs". It's in every cell of your body, it's in your genetic makeup at the most basic level. It's the first thing people notice about you and affects every interaction. Like it or not, your sex is a major part of you that affects your life in every way. It's not like an unobtrusive birthmark or something.

drspouse · 22/06/2019 12:07

smiling and saying thank you to people for stuff that i think is beyond ugly is something i’m quits glad i don’t havd to do
I like to think I've perfected the "oh that's so kind but we have enough of those" for hand me downs, we have avoided quite a few things that way, and some have just gone straight to the charity shop - nobody seems to buy us new clothes as gifts thankfully!

Fucktuates · 22/06/2019 12:09

I was desperate for girls both times and would have experience gender disappointment if I’d had boys. Obviously would stop have loved them!! Just can’t see myself with boys at all.

BitchQueen90 · 22/06/2019 12:23

A lot of women I know wanted girls.

I didn't have a preference. I ended up having a boy. I'm stopping at one child but if I were to have another I think I would prefer another boy. I don't have any desire for a girl.

Crazybunnylady123 · 22/06/2019 12:39

@MrsMiggins37
Obviously I’d love my child no matter what. But this is about preference. My preference was a girl.
If I’m lucky enough to have another child I really don’t have a preference. Honestly if my first was a boy I’d be desperate for a girl. But I wouldn’t keep reproducing till I got one. We would like two kids and I know I will love them the same whether the next is a girl or a boy. That’s all that matters really.

dustarr73 · 22/06/2019 13:14

'I can't stand another minute of posters bashing and berating girls, for no reason other than they wanted one and they are deeply in denial...'

Im not berating girls,they are great.I just dont have one.And im not deeply in denial.On this thread the op asked did most women hope for a girl.They got their answer,but rather than believing us.They cant seem to get their round the fact i cant change what i have so have accepted it.

If i would have had a girl,she would have equally loved.But the fact is i love having all boys.Its great.End of.

dustarr73 · 22/06/2019 13:22

@TheMonaOgg want to join the 5 boys club.Just you and me so far.But it could be fun.

NeckPainChairSearch · 22/06/2019 13:31

you tagged me and used some of my message.So of course im going to assume you meant me

Look, I don't want to be pedantic here, but I didn't tag you - it's obvious from the post that I didn't Confused. I 'used some of your message' as you had asked a question. I was offering an answer to it and pasted the question to be clear what I was replying to. Standard MN procedure.

Hope that's all cleared up now.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 22/06/2019 13:31

I honestly hand on heart didn't care, as long as the baby slept, and wasn't like me a night mare awake 23 hours a day and a winger.
I was dream teenager though, so swings and round about I guess.

MotherOfDragons90 · 22/06/2019 13:33

We want to TTC next year and I have daydreams about a little boy.

Obviously I would be over the moon just to get pregnant and have a child, but yes I think YABU. I do know a bloke dating a friend of mine at the moment desperately wants a daughter though.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 22/06/2019 13:44

Oh you'd be surprised how many men do want girls, Dragons
They say there's a special bond between father and daughter.
Just like there is between mother and son

Ginger1982 · 22/06/2019 13:53

@Someone9 that's a pretty mean thing to say. I wanted a boy and got one and I definitely don't 'get on better with boys' in my own life. What a ridiculous generalisation.

solargain · 22/06/2019 13:56

@Someone9 how nasty. This thread is awful. Sad

AwdBovril · 22/06/2019 14:07

Truthfully, I always thought I'd love to have a girl & then a boy. Turns out, we can't have another child without risking my health or that of the baby, or both, so we haven't. So I just feel grateful that we at least got a healthy child. DD is like a human tornado, anyway, so I'm not sure that I'd have coped with a second child.

bananasandwicheseveryday · 22/06/2019 14:48

I can honestly say that my preference was for a live, healthy baby. Boy or girl was of no consequence to me or Dh. I spent both my successful pregnancies being made to feel rubbish by stupid comments from both my DM and MIL about how much they hoped it would be a girl - absolutely no thought to the fact that after several losses, actually having any baby would be amazing. We had two boys. Both amazing. Both loved by my DM. Both virtually ignored by MIL.

I think the 'nastiness ' on here is a reaction to the implication that having a girl is lucky (as stated by several posters) with the obvious but unsaid follow up of 'poor you, you only had a boy'. I don't consider myself lucky because I had boys, I consider myself lucky that I was able to have children.

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