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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To think most women hope for a baby girl?

665 replies

Rowennaravenclaw · 21/06/2019 20:21

I know, once the baby is here, we love them and wouldn't change them for anything, whatever their sex.

But before the baby arrives, I think that the majority of women want a daughter. If you google gender disappointment, there seem to be way more hits about wanting a girl than a boy. I think it's probably natural, seeing as we have all been little girls ourselves and so imagine them to be a known quantity, and people tend to be drawn to what is familiar. Of course it changes once the baby arrives and we get to know the special person they are.

So, controversial, but AIBU?

OP posts:
SpangledBoots · 21/06/2019 23:05

Nope. I have a terrible relationship with my mother so dread the thought of replicating that.

bingbongnoise · 21/06/2019 23:07

@NeckPainChairSearch

Why can we not get our heads around the fact you are 'not disappointed' with your sons? I'm only guessing, but the tendency of several posters to be incapable of just saying, 'yep, happy with a boy' without being sexist, unpleasant and disproportionately nasty about girls might be it?

Protesting too much and all that.

Some vile comments on here.

Agree 100%.

@PerfectPeony2

Yep, the ones who want girls are not saying anything negative about boys.

This too. ^

@Rowennaravenclaw

Some posts are starting to get quite nasty about girls; no need for that. I think we can all agree that babies of whatever sex are equally gorgeous and loved.

And this! ^

I have seen and noticed and experienced and witnessed dozens of women with sons only, on message forums AND in real life, who are very vitriolic about girls. With comments like, 'hmm, I have seen my sister's/friend's/neighbour's daughters and glad I don't have them,' and 'girls are bitchy, girls are vile, girls are spiteful, girls are mean, girls are hard work,' blah blah fucking blah!

Yet I never ever witness any women with daughters being so nasty and vitriolic about boys. Like, EVER.

As you say neckpain methinks the ladies doth protest too much. Wink The way SOME posters are lambasting and slating girls is very telling.

The term 'defence mechanism' comes to mind.

I get that they have been 'got at' and pitied for not having a daughter, (as some have stated,) and some probably wanted one deep down and don't want to admit it, but there is really no need for all this vile hate against girls.....

Yes yes yes, not ALL posters with sons only are being nasty about girls, but quite a number of posters (with sons only,) ARE being nasty about girls, and it's making those posters look rude, unpleasant, and very bitter.

Unusualusernames · 21/06/2019 23:08

I only have one child and when I was pregnant I was convinced it was a boy and told myself I was happy with that. I knew I would likely only have one child (due to medical problems) and I convinced myself my baby would be a boy. When I gave birth and she was a girl I was completely delighted and couldn't believe how lucky I was. I think if I'd had a boy I would have felt bereft at the thought of never having a girl.

Abetes · 21/06/2019 23:09

I wanted a girl and my first child was a girl. Then I wanted a second girl as I wanted my daughter to have a younger sister as I’m the older of two girls. But I had a boy and it is perfect for me. I can’t imagine not having a boy now and I love the differences between them. I think most women love whatever comes along and once they are here can’t imagine a different family unit.

NeckPainChairSearch · 21/06/2019 23:12

Point out please where i said anything nasty about having girls.I havent

I didn't say you had. I said 'several posters' have.

WitheredfromtheLake · 21/06/2019 23:14

Actually, no. I wanted a boy, then another boy, then another boy (and got all three!) And privately I always hankered after a fourth child (and would have called him Harry....)

Zerrin13 · 21/06/2019 23:22

I think this had got to be one of the stupidest nastiest threads I've ever read on here. One poster uothread even said she dreads another pregnancy because it might be a desperately unwanted girl??
Many posters cite reasons for not wanting a girl and include that girls have a harder time being taken seriously and treated equally. Well it's no wonder if even women hate women aswell as men. How will things ever improve?
I get the feeling that must of the most of these mums of adorable boys still gave little boys! Parenting is a bloody long journey and believe me it changes rapidly as the years go by. Little boys grow into men and they are much more likely than women to become murderers, sex offenders, perverts. They don't stay cute for ever. Women lose their children everyday in war torn parts of the world everyday. Those women would give anything to hold their daughters again. I have a son and 3 daughters. They are all part of me forever.
What does it matter if one is more difficult than the other? I love them all the same.

Zerrin13 · 21/06/2019 23:24

2:daughters I meant!

MindfulBear · 21/06/2019 23:27

No. I can honestly say no. I have 3 brothers and a poor relationship ago with my mother. Seemed more natural to me to have a boy.
In fact when I was having a girl I really was shocked!!

Adoptthisdogornot · 21/06/2019 23:31

Have found being a woman fairly awful at times and have suffered sexual abuse. Also have a terrible relationship with my own mother, so no, never ever wanted a daughter and am very happy with my sons.

Original poster
Rowennaravenclaw · 21/06/2019 23:33

@zerrin13 I have to agree I am disappointed that it is turning nasty.
If there are more horrible comments I will ask for it to get pulled.

I suppose I suspected that mothers might be more emotionally invested in the sex of their children than they often admit (at least pre birth) but not actually having been through it myself I didn't really anticipate what a can of worms it can be.

OP posts:
PerfectPeony2 · 21/06/2019 23:37

I think this had got to be one of the stupidest nastiest threads I've ever read on here. One poster uothread even said she dreads another pregnancy because it might be a desperately unwanted girl??

Agreed. I’m glad they don’t have girls if that’s the way they think.

EllenRachel · 21/06/2019 23:46

Most women I know want(ed) at least one girls. I did.

corythatwas · 21/06/2019 23:56

I wasn't disappointed, but having grown up with several brothers, including one small cute one I mothered, I had just naturally assumed that my child would be a boy, and that I would find it easier to relate to him because of this. In the end my firstborn was a girl and I had no problems relating. But that is certainly how I saw it.

MrsMiggins37 · 21/06/2019 23:57

*I have seen and noticed and experienced and witnessed dozens of women with sons only, on message forums AND in real life, who are very vitriolic about girls. With comments like, 'hmm, I have seen my sister's/friend's/neighbour's daughters and glad I don't have them,' and 'girls are bitchy, girls are vile, girls are spiteful, girls are mean, girls are hard work,' blah blah fucking blah!

Yet I never ever witness any women with daughters being so nasty and vitriolic about boys. Like, EVER.*

Yeah, I agree. I can’t stand the spitefulness about girls. I’ve only got boys and I am more than delighted with my lot but there’s no need to be nasty about girls, that’s awful. Beside the fact why would I when I am a female and was obv a girl myself I’m lucky to have 6 fantastic nieces who are wonderful girls.

On the flip side I have had negative comments about my boys from mothers of all girls who don’t even know my kids and I’m just making polite chat with that they are “luckier” and girls are “easier”. Me, I love my children for who they are and try not to buy into lazy stereotypes.

Untamedtoad · 21/06/2019 23:58

I wanted girls, but always thought I'd have boys. I was so so shocked when we found out we were having a girl, and didn't quite believe it until she was born. I thought I didn't mind with my second pregnancy, but when we found out we were having another girl, I was so overwhelmed and happy. I know it shouldn't matter, and the most important part is having a healthy baby, but I definitely would be upset if I didn't have a daughter... I would probably have another baby in the hope of it being "third time lucky"! Little boys are so lovely, and if I had sons, I'm sure I wouldn't change it for the world, but I do think I'd feel like something was missing, for me personally, if I didn't have a daughter.

Talkingfrog · 22/06/2019 00:04

Having had ivf I didn't care if we were having a boy or a girl, just a healthy baby.

MrsMiggins37 · 22/06/2019 00:10

People who are delighted with their sons or daughters it’s not because of their sex though, is it?

When I had my youngest (I didn’t have a preference really but thought a girl might be nice just for ‘one of each’) as soon as I saw him I realised I hadn’t wanted a boy, or a girl. What I wanted was this baby I had here now in my arms. The sex was just sooooo not relevant.

pigsDOfly · 22/06/2019 00:14

I don't know how much research you've done on the subject OP, I suspect very little, so suspect your conclusion has little value.

However, I can honestly say I had no preference whatever. After a still birth and two miscarriages I just wanted a healthy baby.

When I gave birth to a healthy son, my mother wrote me a letter in which she said that all women want their first child to be a boy - her first two were boys - and I suspect she had a preference for boys.

I went on to have two girls but still never had a preferred sex when I was pregnant.

WappersReturns · 22/06/2019 00:15

I did with my first at 15. All of my adult pregnancies though it really didn't cross my mind at all.

edgeofheaven · 22/06/2019 00:28

I have two DDs, for some reason most of our friends have either only DDs or only DSs. In my circle I’ve never heard a mum of DDs say she wishes she had a boy. But I’ve heard several mums of DSs says they wish they had a girl. One went for a 3rd and said she cried when it was another DS.

I’d have liked one of each but I have no longing for a boy. But yes a few of my friends who are DS mums long for a daughter. One sends me WhatsApps of cute baby girl clothing and says how lucky I am that I can buy them Hmm And this is not a girly pink type of woman.

So OP based on my experience YANBU.

roseinparadise · 22/06/2019 00:36

I am a mother of both children of both sex. I adore all my children equally and the are all wonderful individuals in their own right.

Anxiouszalice · 22/06/2019 00:41

I haven't had any kids yet. I would probably feel happiest if in the future I have at least one daughter so YANBU. I also imagine most men want at least one son.

loveya · 22/06/2019 00:42

Nope... 33 weeks pregnant here with my first and even though from early onwards I had a strong feeling it was a girl (I was right) I honestly didn't mind at all when my physician first thought it was a boy...

itscallednickingbentcoppers · 22/06/2019 00:44

I see this opinion a lot on Mn and find it really surprising. Where I live you pretty much get commiserations if your first is a girl. The men in particular are very vocal about wanting boys.