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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To think most women hope for a baby girl?

665 replies

Rowennaravenclaw · 21/06/2019 20:21

I know, once the baby is here, we love them and wouldn't change them for anything, whatever their sex.

But before the baby arrives, I think that the majority of women want a daughter. If you google gender disappointment, there seem to be way more hits about wanting a girl than a boy. I think it's probably natural, seeing as we have all been little girls ourselves and so imagine them to be a known quantity, and people tend to be drawn to what is familiar. Of course it changes once the baby arrives and we get to know the special person they are.

So, controversial, but AIBU?

OP posts:
drspouse · 21/06/2019 22:41

It is harder to place boys for adoption because people think there's a higher risk of behaviour problems.
But people also say that girls who are adopted find the fact of being adopted harder.

bingowingsandthings · 21/06/2019 22:42

Desperately wanted a boy and got a boy. If I had another I'd want... another boy.

What an idiotic thing to say.

Wildorchidz · 21/06/2019 22:42

First was a boy.
Second a girl.
Delighted with both.
Am so happy having a son and a daughter.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 21/06/2019 22:42

This reply has been deleted

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TriciaH87 · 21/06/2019 22:43

Being the oldest child with a younger brother I always had to look out for him at school. So when I first feel pregnant I wanted a boy first a girl second. That way he could look after her. I ended up with two boys now 9 and 12. Whilst I would love to have another my partner wouldn't. If we were to have another I would hope for a girl as even the dogs a male so I'm seriously outnumbered.

Terramirabilis · 21/06/2019 22:44

Wanted a girl. Didn't get one either time. Was disappointed a little. People are very snide about gender disappointment as though people were choosing to feel it or somehow to stupid to realise that they have no control. Honestly, if I were very rich I'd have looked into sex selective IVF (legal here) for the second one which I believe can almost guarantee the outcome you want.

bingowingsandthings · 21/06/2019 22:44

think if the majority mums of boys were honest, they would agree - they are just being defensive because they already have boys.

Ffs I'm stunned people honestly believe this

knittedthrow · 21/06/2019 22:45

*I think if the majority mums of boys were honest, they would agree - they are just being defensive because they already have boys.

I don't recall EVER seeing a gender disappointment thread about a girls, but there's several about boy gender disappointment*

Oh do fuck off.

I wasn't going to say this because it's ruder than I wanted to be but here goes.

The reason the sex disappointment threads are from women who wanted girls are because these women are the types of people with a frilly, fluffy idea in their head of what having a girl will be like. They're the types of women who want to dress their baby up like a little doll.

Most normal women do not have gender disappointment therefore most women would not prefer a girl, most of us don't care either way.

MondeoFan · 21/06/2019 22:46

Yes I have 2 DD and wanted girls both times I was very lucky

Original poster
Rowennaravenclaw · 21/06/2019 22:46

Well, thanks everybody for the answers! I am happy to be told that I am being unreasonable.

Some posts are starting to get quite nasty about girls; no need for that. I think we can all agree that babies of whatever sex are equally gorgeous and loved. Smile Bear

OP posts:
SuzieQ10 · 21/06/2019 22:47

I certainly wanted a girl.
I always wanted to have a daughter.

neversleepagain · 21/06/2019 22:47

For centuries boys were longed for and viewed as the top prize, even today in many cultures girls are seen as a disappointment and burden. I am glad this has changed and girls are now celebrated and desired in many western cultures.

Personally I was delighted with twin daughters.

bingowingsandthings · 21/06/2019 22:49

I'm curious as to why a significant number of posters on this thread have contradicted the OP by flatly stating they wanted a boy (some desperately so) but give no reasons. Would love to hear from more about why.

Well here are mine -

Toxic relationship with my mum, didn't want to repeat teenage angst years with daughter of my own

I'm not at all girlie

Like the ease and straightforwardness of men and boys (huge generalisation I realise)

Think the world is easier for men in so many ways

Think girls require a special handling in so many levels and situations that I don't believe boys do (my personal opinion)

Love boys clothes, activities etc more than girls (sexist I realise)

I Enjoy male company over females

NeckPainChairSearch · 21/06/2019 22:49

But we are being honest.Why cant you get your head round the fact that we are not disappointed

I'm only guessing, but the tendency of several posters to be incapable of just saying, 'yep, happy with a boy' without being sexist, unpleasant and disproportionately nasty about girls might be it? Protesting too much and all that.

Some vile comments on here.

AshQ · 21/06/2019 22:51

I did but I was only 19. Now I wouldn’t care. I think I wanted to have the relationship I never really had with my mother. I’m so glad I had a son. I’d love another boy if I were to have more children.

PerfectPeony2 · 21/06/2019 22:51

Some posts are starting to get quite nasty about girls; no need for that. I think we can all agree that babies of whatever sex are equally gorgeous and loved.

Yep they are. The posts about wanting girls don’t actually say anything negative about boys.

BottomliePotts · 21/06/2019 22:51

fudge

I f**king hate belly buttons too. They should be banned

solargain · 21/06/2019 22:54

DS was a miracle baby and we'd lost a few so no, I didn't give a flying fuck what sex he was. Hmm

ReturnofSaturn · 21/06/2019 22:55

Hmm it does seem that way from all the gender disappointment threads etc

BUT

I was completely different. From the moment I found out I was pregnant I imagined him to be a boy and that is what I got 😊

I honestly don't understand what's so good about having a girl? What's so different?Maybe it's because i was always closer to my dad than my mum myself and am not particularly girly.

Mumof2bears · 21/06/2019 22:55

We lost our first at 6.5 weeks before immediately falling pregnant again, but as a result I was nervous throughout the pregnancy and tried not to think about the sex of the baby too much. However, when we found out at 17 weeks that we were expecting a girl I was (secretly) pleased (whilst telling people I didn't mind either way). With the third and final pregnancy I was similarly happy to find out we were having another girl. In both cases, for me it was a case of "oh I know what it's like to be a girl" and correspondingly the things that girls have to deal with.

Clothing a girl has probably cost more than clothing a boy though, despite buying some secondhand, as there's definitely a bigger range of lovely girls' clothes than boys'!

JaceLancs · 21/06/2019 22:56

With DC 1 I didn’t care just wanted baby to be ok (I had DD)
With DC 2 I would’ve been happy with either
Got a DS and happy - would’ve been equally happy with another DD
I confess I might’ve tried for DC 3 or 4 if not had a DD - but I was lucky
DS is gay - not what I expected but fab outcome - love him dearly n we are v v close 😊

dustarr73 · 21/06/2019 22:59

@bingbongnoise I cant answer for them.Thats their hang up.

dustarr73 · 21/06/2019 23:02

@NeckPainChairSearch Point out please where i said anything nasty about having girls.I havent.

lookingatthings · 21/06/2019 23:03

Boy mum here. Never saw myself as a mum of girls. May have felt gender disappointment had I have been told I was having a girl but I had a boy so I don't know.

YABU to suggest all women have the same feelings

Justanormallife · 21/06/2019 23:04

No i always wanted a boy. And if I had only one child I wanted a boy. We have a lot of males in my family and I wanted to replicate the mother/son relationship the most, especially their relationships from primary school through to young adulthood. I really think this is a special role for a mother to take.

I always wanted a daughter as well but as a second or third child.

But I always knew this was wishful thinking and just a preference, so I was genuinely happy with whatever happened.

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