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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think most women hope for a baby girl?

665 replies

Rowennaravenclaw · 21/06/2019 20:21

I know, once the baby is here, we love them and wouldn't change them for anything, whatever their sex.

But before the baby arrives, I think that the majority of women want a daughter. If you google gender disappointment, there seem to be way more hits about wanting a girl than a boy. I think it's probably natural, seeing as we have all been little girls ourselves and so imagine them to be a known quantity, and people tend to be drawn to what is familiar. Of course it changes once the baby arrives and we get to know the special person they are.

So, controversial, but AIBU?

OP posts:
SpitefulBreasts · 21/06/2019 22:23

I definitely didn't want a female child, the woman that gave birth to me is a complete and utter bitch. If I'd had a child of the female sex, I would have been very scared that I'd repeat her example. My only child is a boy. Well he's not a boy now!
So op imo you are wrong

Ithinkmycatisevil · 21/06/2019 22:24

I never really had a preference when I was pregnant. With dd1 I always thought I’d have another, so didn’t mind if I had a boy or a girl. When pregnant with dd2 again I didn’t mind as I already had a daughter. I thought she’d be a boy for the whole pregnancy and was surprised when she popped out.

I love having two girls and don’t wish I had a boy at all, I’m not sure I’d feel like that if I’d had two boys, I think I might pine for the girl I never had. But maybe I wouldn’t... who knows really. I think for the most part we are programmed to be happy with what we’re given.

FenellaMaxwell · 21/06/2019 22:24

I had absolutely no preference. I just wanted a healthy child. Although we didn’t have any preference for a girl, DH & I did think we’d be having one - no firstborn boys in either family, going back generations, and we have all nieces - so when we found out at the 20 week scan the baby was a boy, it was a lovely surprise.

trotesio · 21/06/2019 22:25

I think if the majority mums of boys were honest, they would agree - they are just being defensive because they already have boys.

I don't recall EVER seeing a gender disappointment thread about a girls, but there's several about boy gender disappointment.

Itstheprinciple · 21/06/2019 22:26

Based on my extremely limited group, I do agree with your post as the only people who have expressed their opinion on this to me said they would have liked a girl. However, I have a lot of friends with boys and they haven't said anything so my anecdotal evidence doesn't prove much! I only have DD and we had a lot of worries early on in the pregnancy so I just really wanted a baby of any sort at the end! That said, I 'knew' I was having a girl - not that I wanted one - but I just knew it. I would have been hugely surprised if they'd told me I was having a boy. Not disappointed - as I said I just wanted the pregnancy to progress normally - but definitely surprised.

M3lon · 21/06/2019 22:26

Had a slight preference for a boy, just because terrible periods and menstrual issues run in my family...but got a girl...so I'll just have to hope she doesn't suffer from it!

OhTheRoses · 21/06/2019 22:27

I wanted a baby.

Pg 1: miscarried boy 17 weeks
Pg 2: miscarried 7 weeks
Pg 3: 36.3 boy would have been delighted either way but adored
Pg 4: miscarried boy 12 weeks
Pg 5: 27 weeks boy, incompatible with life, adored him
Pg 6: 5/6 weeks
Pg 7: 41.5 weeks - at that point only wanted a boy but delivered a fat pink screaming girl with an apgar score of 9+ and adored her as soon as I set eyes on her.

I have only one response for the op. Get real; possibly dfod because actually to trot put that sort of nonsense you have absolutely no idea what it is like to desperately want a baby, your baby, any live baby.

Honestly.

kmammamalto · 21/06/2019 22:27

God not at all! I absolutely wanted a boy as I find them so much easier. First was a boy and I was keen for another! Now pregnant with a girl and my head is all over the place about it!

drspouse · 21/06/2019 22:27

We adopted so we knew DS was going to be a boy. I have two older nieces so I knew girls were neither a walk in the park nor bound to be closer to their mum and obviously we were delighted to be matched.
We were happy to have either sex for our DC2 and she's a DD. A friend said that it was striking that among a group of 6 or 7 mums we know who all have 2 DCs, three did not mind what sex their DC2 was and we all have one of each. The others were all desperate for one of each and got two the same.

drspouse · 21/06/2019 22:29

@sockatoe I don't do anything different with my DD, there is no law you have to have fancy hairstyles.

NoWordForFluffy · 21/06/2019 22:29

Yep, YABU.

I had no strong feelings either way, either time.

dustarr73 · 21/06/2019 22:29

I think if the majority mums of boys were honest, they would agree - they are just being defensive because they already have boys.

But we are being honest.Why cant you get your head round the fact that we are not disappointed.

Most people are disappointed for us,which is just stupid.

CustardCreamLover · 21/06/2019 22:30

I always saw myself with a girl but never actually wanted a girl. When I was 6 weeks pregnant I knew he was a boy and that was that. I'm so glad I had a boy now even though he's incredibly hard work compared to my niece. Girls have life so much harder than boys I just want him to be happy. I feel like I can (hopefully) bring him up to make a woman's life easier rather than bring up a girl to have to fight for what should be hers as an equal right.

TrickyKid · 21/06/2019 22:30

No. Wasn't bothered.

drspouse · 21/06/2019 22:30

Oh and my DPs wanted a boy, having two granddaughters.

meow1989 · 21/06/2019 22:31

I assumed I would have a girl, always imagined having a daughter and grew up in a family of mostly women.

At 20 weeks we were told ds was a boy and my reaction was "oh! A boy!" Rather than "oh. Not a girl".
If we have another I think I would hope for a boy again. My ds is awesome.

bingbongnoise · 21/06/2019 22:34

@dustarr73

Most people are disappointed FOR us, for having just sons!

Why do you think that is?

meow1989 · 21/06/2019 22:34

I assumed I would have a girl, always imagined having a daughter and grew up in a family of mostly women.

At 20 weeks we were told ds was a boy and my reaction was "oh! A boy!" Rather than "oh. Not a girl".
If we have another I think I would hope for a boy again. My ds is awesome and loving and funny and brilliant.

kidsmakesomuchwashing · 21/06/2019 22:35

I wanted a girl with my first and he turned out to be a boy - loved the little boy-ness so much I desperately wanted number 2 to be a boy as well, and turned out to be a little girl!

meow1989 · 21/06/2019 22:35

Oops. Sorry for the double post

PineapplePower · 21/06/2019 22:37

Anecdotal but myself and everyone I knew expressed preference for a girl. IIRC when couples choose embryos to be implanted, they seem to have a preference for girls.

.....I just was worried about the higher risks of behavioural problems and SEN among boys, I know girls have these too, but the risk is lower. Plus, deviant and antisocial behaviour is just more common amongst boys.

crazyforpiggies · 21/06/2019 22:37

First time round I wanted a boy and my boyfriend wanted a girl but maybe we're a bit backwards. After two losses though I dont really care what I get as long as they're healthy.

cookingonwine · 21/06/2019 22:39

Seeing other people's daughters I have no desire for a daughter that's for sure.

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 21/06/2019 22:40

Wanted a boy and had a boy

Before I was very worried about my toxic relationship with my mum repeating itself is some ways wasn’t until a became a mum I realized that it would never happen as I am not a the horrible selfish person she is

butteryellow · 21/06/2019 22:41

I had no preference either way, either time. I suppose for the second I vaguely thought one of each might be nice for a 'complete set' but I wouldn't have said that I actively wanted one of each, and I'm perfectly happy with 2 the same sex.