In Laws... at boiling point

[Jen8888]

IL's have DS one day a week while I'm at work.
My mum also has him another day, and my grandma the third day.

My mum and grandma couldn't be more generous, and have nappies, wipes, toys, books, his favourite foods etc all ready for him and so it really is a home from home and taking the pressure off me to have a bag/packed lunch etc each day.

My IL's on the other hand;

• Expect food to be provided; Breakfast, lunch and tea as well as a beaker of full fat milk as they "only drink semi" and got forbid they couldn't buy a pint.
• They expect nappies, wipes, calpol, nappy bags, toys EVERYTHING to be provided.

And remind me when things are running low.

When I'm packing his things up at the end of the day they say things like, "are they yours or mine?" For things like wipes (which I have provided).

They live 45-60 mins away and I'm fed up of driving frozen fish fingers up the motorway and having the added pressure of this especially I'm returning to work FT in a month.

AIBU and what can I do? I'm so nervous about going back to work FT (DS is starting nursery for 2 days) and I feel like the IL's are getting to me 

I actually agree with you OP. They can't even spend a couple of pounds a day on milk and food is pretty shitty.

How entitled you are, free childcare and you STILL complain about providing stuff for your own child.

You sound horrible. Just be grateful.

Happily would pay the £50 nursery fee for the additional day but I thought they would want the regular contact with their GS.

Have you checked this with them? Most grandparents wouldn't want to be tied down to providing a full day childcare every week. All my DC's grandparents are loving and reasonably involved but no way would they sign up for more than the very occasional bit of babysitting. The joy of being a grandparent is being able to pop in for a few hours play with the kids and hand them back when they're dirty/smelly/having a tantrum.

YABU - they are SAVING you money by looking after your child. You should 100% be providing all the baby "stuff" - just because they're the grandparents doesn't mean that they should pay towards your child's necessities

You sound a bit entitled and are perhaps judging them more harshly because they are ILs and not your blood relations

Pay for a Nursery or a childminder - you'd have to provide nappies etc to them too

DS is 17m he must cost a couple of pounds to feed a day.

We've bought, a walker, highchair, toys - everything, because I feel that's right for us to provide those items.

As I said, a change bag with nappies and wipes - fine.

But bread for toast?

Milk for a drink?

A couple of fish fingers?

I'm glad there are a few like minded people on here, to me it feels incredibly tight and hurtful considering it's their GS.

What does your partner /husband think of his parents not feeding their grandson? Is he surprised by this?

So I, like millions of others, had the 'disappointment' of neither set of GP willing or able to provide free childcare, and the huge expense of paying thousands for it. You have neither problem. People are committing indefinitely, hours and hours of their lives to help you out, GC or not. For free. And you're still at boiling point over a pint of milk.

Sorry if repeating ( haven't read the full thread ) let them know the drive/packing etc is too much for you on returning to work and ask if they would like to travel to your house to babysit each week or would prefer you to source other childcare.

DH knows how tight they are.
We had a conversation last week about how underweight he was living at home, and with borderline malnutrition.

On the occasion we have stayed for tea, the portions are tiny - serving boiled pasta and soy sauce on one occasion!

They live in a detached cottage in one of the most affluent areas of Cheshire.

We had a conversation last week about how underweight he was living at home, and with borderline malnutrition.

well I wouldn't want them in charge of my child if you think they won't feed him properly!

Wow, I've always hated the 'thank yourself lucky you get free care' lines whenever anyone has a gripe of any sort with parents or in laws looking way of doing things but I think uabvu. I have the most generous and caring parents and inlaws who would do anything for my children but itd never occur to me that they should be out of pocket doing me such a huge favour! I'm actually at a loss as to why youd think they should shop for your supplies? I pack a bag each time dd goes to one of them with what she will need that day including food because I'm her mum and it's what I'd do if she was with me.

Am I the only one feeling sorry for your grandma?

I think your IL are perfectly reasonable btw - but I'm wondering whether your grandma is really happy with having a lively 17 month old to look after for one day every week.

How old is she? Is she really keen to babysit a great-grandchild every week - or have you expected her to do it for free and can she afford nappies, food, toys etc on her pension? Seems very CF if you are going back to work FT and expecting your relations to keep paying for and looking after your son.

I kind of get that it seems petty of them to ask you to provide a piece of toast or bit of milk but clearly you knew they were extremely careful with money and it doesn't sound like you appreciate the huge favour they're doing you. Doing a full day of childcare is a lot of work and commitment - it also seems to be a huge hassle for you so I would definitely put a stop to the arrangement. Let them come and see DC when they fancy it like most grandparents and save yourself the ridiculous journey and faffing about.

They eat his food? Do give over. You've over egged it somewhat

We had a conversation last week about how underweight he was living at home, and with borderline malnutrition

Surely then you would either

1. Not want them watching ds as they arent capable

Or 2. Be happy to send your own food so you know exactly what they are feeding him

After your last post, I wouldn't be confident that PIL would look your child properly.
They sound very odd & neglectful of their own son/ your DH.

My family adore my son and are actually pushing me to not put him in nursery and let them have him for more days.

My husband and I have chosen nursery as we think it would support our sons development and will make the transition to school easier.

So for those insinuating they're hard done by or overwhelmed - I'm afraid you couldn't be farther from the truth.

With their attitudes to food I’d be glad they wanted me to provide so I could make sure he had enough.

FWIW my 2 dc go to my mums twice per week. I provide everything, including milk, bread for toast etc. She’s doing me such a massive favour I can’t imagine not sending everything. Although she would give them bread/fish fingers from her own stuff happily if I let her, I can’t imagine her being too thrilled with buying in special stuff

I can't understand why you wouldn't insist on supplying wipes, food etc!

They both have an eating disorder. Please don't let them care for your child. Before you know it they'll be telling him he's "piggy" or "greedy" for wanting a second helping. Look what they did to your DH. How adults model healthy attitudes to eating are crucial in early years.

Nursery provide everything...Food,Nappies, Wipes

Of course they do-you pay them!

My parents look after my sons 1 day a week...I provide everything but my mam still buys them a chippy tea (much to the 3 year olds delight!) every week! She also complains I don't have crisps and biscuits in so buys these (ignores the fruit and breadsticks) and does my ironing. Total cheeky fucker! ()

Op I'd bulk buy and leave there...or do ah online shop once a week.

Honestly i think you are massively entitled there is no way I would expect any child care from either my parents or in laws. That's mad. They have done their child years.

Heaven forbid you should have to provide for your own child.

They sound really tight. I know they're doing you a massive favour but I honestly don't know anybody's parents who would do this so I'm always surprised when a lot of people on here defend it.
I couldn't be arsed with them, I'd rather pay for nursery.