In Laws... at boiling point

[Jen8888]

IL's have DS one day a week while I'm at work.
My mum also has him another day, and my grandma the third day.

My mum and grandma couldn't be more generous, and have nappies, wipes, toys, books, his favourite foods etc all ready for him and so it really is a home from home and taking the pressure off me to have a bag/packed lunch etc each day.

My IL's on the other hand;

• Expect food to be provided; Breakfast, lunch and tea as well as a beaker of full fat milk as they "only drink semi" and got forbid they couldn't buy a pint.
• They expect nappies, wipes, calpol, nappy bags, toys EVERYTHING to be provided.

And remind me when things are running low.

When I'm packing his things up at the end of the day they say things like, "are they yours or mine?" For things like wipes (which I have provided).

They live 45-60 mins away and I'm fed up of driving frozen fish fingers up the motorway and having the added pressure of this especially I'm returning to work FT in a month.

AIBU and what can I do? I'm so nervous about going back to work FT (DS is starting nursery for 2 days) and I feel like the IL's are getting to me 

When I look after my Dsis children usually she brings nappies and wipes etc and I will provide the food. No I wouldn’t buy the nappies and she wouldn’t expect me to! She might put snacks in too but I usually make sure I have some

I always send a bag with nappies, nappy bags, calpol, wipes, sudocreme, change of clothes, food, drink with dd wherever she goes, even to my mums and mil. It has never occured to me not to
If im leaving to go there early in the morning i pack her bag at night and just take the food out of the fridge in the morning. They might not always use the food but i always send them something!

Agree the milk is unreasonable, but im sorry i think yabu about the rest of it.

The full situation sounds impractical and i think you would be less stressed if you used the nursery an extra day. Yes itll cost you money but with everything you send to your in laws and petrol it might not be much more, especially when some nurseries supply all that stuff.

Unless they are very broke this seems a bit mean. We had travel cot high chair specially bought,wipes nappies potties ext on hand always for the grandchildren. Maybe they can't afford to do more. I would be getting things to leave there like food, wipes and nappies and just replace as they run out. We had some toys and our daughter would sometimes have a clear out and send some to grandma's house to play with there. This worked well as when she wanted to make space and they didn't want to part with some favourites they were always there at grandma's house. I would also get a second hand buggy/cot ext. Will save you a lot of time and hassle and still be cheaper than nursery.

It's good that your other childcare is more convenient but you can't always have everything.

To be honest, you're in the wrong here. Your mum and grandmother are going above and beyond but the in laws are giving free childcare too. You're the parent and provider. I know in laws are annoying but they're doing you a favour here. How would you feel if somebody kept on dropping their kids off with you but didn't give you anything for them? Come on.

I don't think it's too difficult to get say a 20 pack of fish fingers and leave at their house. DC stays once a week. Gets fishfingers once a week or something else as well to ring the changes. 20 fishfingers for a toddler would last 6 weeks at one day a week. You could buy locally on way back to pick dc up after work. No need to take them 60 miles. Maybe this is just a little bit of panic on your part about moving to full time work.

YABVU. Your ILs are providing free childcare and you expect them to provide nappies, food etc You are very cheeky.

Your child is your responsibility so you should provide for all their needs and not expect ILs to be out of pocket as well as providing a day's free child care.

The fact that your parents and GP do has nothing to do with it. If you aren't happy then pay for extra childcare and you may still find you have to provide nappies and food etc.

Omfg this has got to be a joke. People like you make me sick! Your in-laws are providing FREE childcare and you expect them to supply your child with nappies wipes and food?! My DH and I have NO-ONE to have our DC except the very occasional night out my mum MAY offer! Let alone regular childcare so I can go to work- we pay hundreds on nursery fees! Sorry but you don't even know how good you've got it and should be bending over backwards supplying everything they need & being extremely thankful to them for doing you such a massive favour! You sound like an entitled twat! HTH.

Op?

Oooopppppp?

Any of this making sense?

This is going to be one of those "op doesn't like what she hears so she won't return" posts...

When my mum looks after baby I often provide everything mainly because-
-her food tastes change and she eats differently from my parents. If my parents were to feed her two fish fingers a week / full fat milk / fruit yoghurt etc then the remaining food chosen specifically for her would go out of date.
-I can then balance what she's being fed in the week. One thing I struggle with in regards to childcare is overseeing her diet. Me providing food ensures I can see what she's had across the full week
-wipes nappies cream- I have tonnes of so why replicate
-toys... she does have some toys at grandmas but I often pack her current faves regardless
If it was more than one day a week I'd say for allconcerned having a stash at their house would help. But one day is easy for you to pack a bag

Just another voice to add to the YABU chorus. We have family doing childcare, and although they love doing it, and offered (we never asked) why the fuck should they be out of pocket when they're doing you a favour. I spent £££ kitting out family member's house with all the baby stuff, and I update the stock as necessary. They've still saved me an absolute fortune in cash and peace of mind knowing the DC are being cared for by a relative that I trust. And here you are whining about fish fingers. Spoilt.

You are raking in the money as don't need childcare but feel you shouldn't supply the necessaries.
Greedy and entitled springs to mind. Look after your own child, why did you have them to palm them off.

I expect to hand over a change bag with nappies etc in because of our preferences.

However to provide 3 meals and milk is ludicrous.

HE IS THEIR GRANDSON.

To not even buy a pint of milk?

They are incredibly tight, they pounce on his food as soon as it's served "trying it".

If there's any leftovers no matter how small they're wrapped up and sent back home with me.

So I think they're just frugal by nature.

I can't be the only one that thinks this is odd.

Happily would pay the £50 nursery fee for the additional day but I thought they would want the regular contact with their GS.

Nursery provide everything...
Food
Nappies
Wipes

YABU

Sorry OP but you either need to pay for childcare or suck it up.

Why should they have to commit to being regular weekly childcare for a whole day in order to have regular contact with their grandson?! They could visit you all or go out with you during the weekend regularly?

I don't think it's bad not being wasteful - I save leftovers for my children if they don't finish it and it can be saved. I always tested the food before my kids ate their food when they were little to check the temperature of it as well.

The milk is a little silly but I can see why if they don't like whole milk - they would have to buy a whole carton each week as it would go off and there's no way a child would have that much. I don't see why providing food is ludicrous at all - you know what your child likes, they may not eat the same stuff so wouldn't know what to cook each week for three meals and they would be regularly out of pocket. It's much easier for you, the parent, to sort it out as you're used to it - it's stressful looking after children (especially if they're not your own!!).

In your case, I would just add the extra day at nursery as it's a long journey there and back and you clearly find it a hassle to pack the stuff. I would also allow my kids to see their grandparents at the weekend every now and then?!

Lol at you being at 'boiling point' due to having to provide basic supplies for your own child. This has to be a joke thread.

Inclined to agree... Nice try OP

The nursery doesn’t “provide” it, you pay for it.
Maybe it’s weird to you but it doesn’t seem weird to me to send my baby with all the bits he needs, including food.
My MIL has SIL children a couple times a week and SIL does not provide food or give her any money towards it and I know MIL struggles financially. I would never drop my DC off without at least milk, snacks, a couple of “food pouches” etc.
I think YABU but I guess others won’t, depends on your expectations of other ppl.

Re the food
I think it's incredible that his grandparents can't feed him for 1 day a week. That's very mean. He is family after all and presumably they're feeding themselves.
Re the nappies /wipes/ clothes
Wouldn't expect the PIL to pay out for that.

The nursery provide it because you pay for it in your total daily fee.

Have you said to your PIL that it's a bit of a faff packing it all up each day, so would they mind if you gave them a kitty to pay for things for ds?

But the commute alone would be a reason to say no for me.

Are your PIL mean btw or are they short of money? The not feeding him issue would make more sense if the latter.

I think some of these replies are really harsh. I get that childcare is lots of people’s biggest outgoing, or their second (after mortgage) but this arrangement is far from convenient or free for the OP, is it? Sounds like she does close to 4 hours of driving in one day to facilitate it.

Many grandparents would be thrilled to have as much contact with their grandchildren as this. Although I do understand why they expect the OP to supply nappies and wipes etc, I think it’s odd to be unwilling not even to buy a pint of milk for your own grandson.

If a grandparent was kind enough to offer free childcare,I would like to make life as easy as possible for them.
Can't imagine it takes much effort to give them a bag of pasta or nappies each week!Surely it's a small price to pay for free child care!!I think you sound very "entitled".....
It would be nice to let them know how much they are appreciated!Maybe you could send over some flowers or wine along with the fish fingers.