It's the middle class thing to do

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Dh thinks you always have to say yes to an invite even if it's to an activity you don't like doing. It's just the middle class thing to do he says. I'm unreasonable because I didn't go to the lake district weekend get together with inlaws that mil invited us to. Told dh to go on his own and I would relax at home. I just don't enjoy endless walking in the lake district, just find it a bit boring and miserable if its raining.

Do you always say yes if invited somewhere? AIBU to think it's not unreasonable to say no to invite because I will find it boring/ I just don't want to?

Forgot to ask is that a middle class thing? Always saying yes to invites?

Hellno, default is no! Nothing to do with middle class...who cares anyway?

Accepting or declining an invitation is nothing to do with being middle class.

That sounds like an uneducated comment.

YANBU

Mc thing? Don’t think so. I decline anything I don’t want to go to.

Why would it matter if it was the middle class thing to do? That's possibly the most weird part of it.

If I didn't fancy doing something I just say "no thanks, it's not really my thing" or something along those lines. Also if I was planning something I wouldn't want people there who don't want to go and are only there to feel middle class I'd want my guests to want to be there.

Hi op, welcome to MN. No, accepting invites is nothing to do with what class you are, though I suspect you already know that.

So he’s saying you’re common and rude?

I think it’s unusual to say ‘no thanks, not my sort of thing’, it’s more polite to be busy/injured etc. Annoying as that is.

I'm working class and always feel the need to say yes to invitations!
I dont think it has anything to do with class really, however, when I think about it its the more middle-class people I know are the ones who feel able to say no to things they don't want to do without feeling the need to make up excuses.

Sounds like your husband has never thought about all the things that he assumes are "the way things are done" and considered whether he actually wants to do them, and whether it would be better to do things differently.

This is the way it is done.
But do I WANT to do it like that?
If I did it differently, what would be the pros and cons?
Would anyone be hurt?
Are the cons/upset worth the benefits?

Maybe he means going along to family events out of a sense of duty whilst secretly loathing it and only surviving by hitting the at 5:30pm whilst FIL regales everyone with the muddy spaniel and the vicar story for the umpteenth time isthe middle class thing to do.

Mil was very annoyed I didn't go. Apparently I'm making her feel unwelcome and she says "how can I feel welcome in your home now, because I clearly hate her". I said I didn't go because I would be bored the whole time. Then dh said the middle class comment

No, it's not a 'middle class thing' at all. Your DH is talking nonsense.

However, if by declining invitations from your MIL you're making her feel unwelcome when she's trying to make an effort, then you could possibly put yourself out once in a while, just to be kind and polite. A weekend walking in the lakes is hardly going to kill you. Perhaps that's that's what your DH meant?

Your dh is talking out of his arse.

Accepting or declining invitations has no baring on class.

There are some occasions where accepting an invite would be the polite thing to do and those issued by inlaws probably fall into that category unless there is a huge backstory.

Mmm. The thing with this particular example is that the reality is you were snubbing their company. The walking bit is a red herring really, it’s the socialising. So I can see why they’re offended.

I mean, you said you would be bored the whole time? That’s pretty rude, because it means you find them boring.

Well, it's a fairly lower middle class thing to agonise about whether you are middle class, I suppose!

Accepting any and all invitations is a people-pleaser thing. My husband will always accept an invitation even if we wouldn't like it because accepting an invite is what he does. I've managed to steer him away from accepting godawful suggestions by default.

However, rejecting invitations and not bothering to make an effort with the people who are important to your loved ones is also a mardy cow type of thing, so you aren't covering yourself in glory there.

My parents live in the lakes, my mum can talk the hind legs off a donkey, my dad rambles on about his niche interests regardless of the audience. But they are generous people with good intentions who happened to raise me. DH and I are happy to suck up the irritations for their company.

It wouldn't have occurred to me that this was a class thing.

I would have accepted, because even though I did not particularly like the activities planned, I feel family relationships are important, and so would accept (unless I had something else already booked)

I hope you have not talk MIL that you find weekends wth her boring. Because if you have, that's string up difficulties for the future. Yes, you don't share taste in preferred activities, but they are suggesting something perfectly normal. And which it is possible to find perfectly pleasant, from the conversation and company, if not the walking.

Mil was very annoyed I didn't go. Apparently I'm making her feel unwelcome and she says "how can I feel welcome in your home now, because I clearly hate her"

My ex MIL was like that. Attendance at family events was mandatory and I spent hours feigning a deep and unwavering interest in wood-whittling/ancient brass rubbings/other stuff I couldn't give a flying fuck about.

The very first time I met her she "jokingly" accused me of keeping her PFB away too long, as if he was incapable of independent thought and locomotion to go see her himself. He just didn't want to, nothing to do with me!

When it came to my lot, I always made a point of saying he was 100% welcome, but if he didn't fancy coming along to whatever event for any reason, that was absolutely fine (and it genuinely was).

Sounds like your MIL is absolutely ridiculous. She must be hard to deal with.

I have never heard anyone say that always saying yes to invitations is a middle class thing. What if you already have plans? Do working class people have less flexible schedules?

I genuinely don't understand wtf he is going on about.

It's not a middle class thing but to some people it's not the activity that matters but the spending of time with those particular people.

So you've declined on the basis that walking is boring but your MIL is seeing it as you rejecting the invite because you don't want to spend time with them.

Perhaps you can suggest a different way to spend time together with them when you turn things down?

He's talking shite.

I think I’m middle class ( whatever that actually means) and I quite happily say no to plenty of invitations. I don’t always give a reason either, quite often I just say no thanks and leave it at that
Your DH sounds like a snob and your MIL sounds like a pain in the arse and I wouldn’t want to cross the road with her, let alone walk up a mountain with her
Decline politely and it’s fine

It was from Thursday night until Monday morning. It rained alot of the time when they were there. It was a case of really not wanting to spend that much time walking in all weather. Its the activity I find boring. Maybe outing but I also have bunions and walking for a long time can get quite painful.