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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP took money from my purse.

149 replies

Caffeto · 21/06/2019 06:21

We got a takeaway last night, money is tight but Thursday is a long day for us and decided to go halfers on an easy tea. DP gave me money to cover it and and I said I would get some change when I was out and chip in my half (£5.50).

When I got home I had food and juice to carry upstairs and had left my purse in the car, said I would grab money in the morning for him.

He disappeared for a couple of minutes last night and I assumed he had just gone to lock the door but it turns out he went into my car and took the money from my purse, without saying anything. I only realised this morning when I went out for milk.

Its a tiny amount of money, I dont get why he's sneaked out to take it behind my back without saying anything?

AIBU to think this is weird?

OP posts:
loveskaka · 21/06/2019 06:23

Why did you not give him the change in the first place?

AJPTaylor · 21/06/2019 06:25

Maybe he needed it today and wanted to make sure it wasn't forgotten in the morning?

Myfoolishboatisleaning · 21/06/2019 06:26

It’s terrible. He is penny pinching AND going through your purse. Fucking hell, you don’t go through other people’s wallets.

TruffleShuffles · 21/06/2019 06:27

You say money is tight so maybe he needed that money back straight away and didn’t want to nag at you to go and get it so went and got it himself. I can’t say this would bother me at all, I would have no issue with my husband going through my purse to get out money that’s his.

TruffleShuffles · 21/06/2019 06:28

Also why are you leaving your purse in the car overnight?

Original poster
Caffeto · 21/06/2019 06:28

loveskaka It literally says right there, I had left my purse in the car Hmm

It's not that he took it that bothers me, its that he went behind my back without mentioning it.

OP posts:
Oysterbabe · 21/06/2019 06:30

It's not OK to go through someone's purse without asking. If he wanted it straight away he should have just said.

BoomBoomsCousin · 21/06/2019 06:30

It seems a bit weird but I can think of not awful reasons why he might have done it - such as needing the money for bus fare (or anything else) in the morning, being worried you (or he) would forget first thing and thinking that asking you would be nagging.

Alternatively, is it possible you have form for not making good on such promises? Because if you've done it before then I can see how goingleaving your purse in the car could seem like a way of dodging your responsibility.

But generally, yes, it's a bit weird, it indicates, at best, a lack of good communication in your relationship one way or another.

yellowblueorange · 21/06/2019 06:30

Sounds like you're making a big deal out of nothing. And it's silly to leave your purse in your car.

BlueSkiesLies · 21/06/2019 06:30

If you’re both so hard up that not having the £5.50 back immediately was causing him problems, probably better to have beans on toast for your easy tea.

MsChookandtheelvesofFahFah · 21/06/2019 06:34

Did he decide to bring your purse in for you and take the money as he was doing it? If he left the purse in the car that's odd. Also odd not to mention it. Do you trust each other generally?

biggirlknickers · 21/06/2019 06:34

I’m a bit half and half on this. I don’t think it would bother me if my DP did this but we are very easygoing about who pays for what. Money is tight for us too - we both always run out before the end of the month - but as we get paid at different times, sometimes it’s me that runs out and he pays for everything in the meantime, and sometimes it’s the other way round. I don’t think he has ever been through my purse but if he did, I wouldn’t mind.

However, if we had the sort of relationship where every bill was split down the middle, I think I’d feel a bit more uptight about the whole issue and more protective of what’s “mine” including my purse.

PregnantSea · 21/06/2019 06:36

I wouldn't care about this. I would just think that DH needed some change for something urgently and was trying to be nice and not send me out to get it for him early in the morning.

Pinotjo · 21/06/2019 06:39

We always take each others money, he goes in my purse and I go in his wallet if we need money, he even roots through my handbag, it doesn't bother us but we always tell each other, bit weird that your DP didn't just tell you

Happinessbegins · 21/06/2019 06:39

Did he just take the money you owed him? You did say you would giving it to him. Maybe he was just making sure he had it as he needed it.

loveskaka · 21/06/2019 06:42

Well you could have done what he done and went out to get it 🤔. Like others said maybe he is also skint and needed it for the morning and didn't want you to forget. So went out him self instead of asking you.

crazychemist · 21/06/2019 06:42

It’s a bit weird, but depends on how your relationship works. I’ve taken money out of DHs wallet in the morning because he was still asleep. I knew he wouldn’t need it that day and I told him when I saw him in the evening. For us, this is no big deal because we effectively have shared finances since DD. For you, it might be a big deal. Surely you just ask him? He might think nothing of it at all and was just saving you walking down to the car.

starflake · 21/06/2019 06:45

Maybe he was too embarrassed to ask, to let you know he was relying on that cash today for bus fare or lunch. It is only a small sum, I'd be embarrassed to ask for that back also but if your relying on it, it may as well be millions to him

mummmy2017 · 21/06/2019 06:45

So all he did was take back the change from his money...
I think you must have form for not paying back and he needed the money...

ComeAndDance · 21/06/2019 06:47

Like others said maybe he is also skint and needed it for the morning and didn't want you to forget.
In that case, you SPEAK to the person and ASK them.

I would never take money out of my DH pockets wo asking him first. Despite th fact we are married and fully shared finances. The simple reason is that he might actually have kept that money for something else (that I didn’t know about).

Caffeto I would have an issue with that too and I would raise the issue with him.

oneforthepain · 21/06/2019 06:48

Why on earth would you leave your purse in the car?

ComeAndDance · 21/06/2019 06:49

mummy if the OP has form, why didn’t he ASK for his money straight away, saying that he needed it now? Why did he have to do it behind her back?

If the OP was that bad with giving him money back that he felt he had to do it sneakily and couldn’t ask her, then I think he should reconsider he relationship really.

IveNotSlept · 21/06/2019 06:50

If I’d been together a while I really wouldn’t care about this, he clearly needed some change. Without sounding mean if you are struggling to pay for the take away wouldn’t a pizza from the supermarket be a better easy tea?

Newcrossboy · 21/06/2019 06:53

This wouldn’t bother me. In fact, DH refuses to go in my purse when I’ve told him he can, he gives it to me first. That’s annoying

mummmy2017 · 21/06/2019 06:54

I don't think he should have.
But you told him you would pay your half last night.
You didn't did you. ..