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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP took money from my purse.

149 replies

Caffeto · 21/06/2019 06:21

We got a takeaway last night, money is tight but Thursday is a long day for us and decided to go halfers on an easy tea. DP gave me money to cover it and and I said I would get some change when I was out and chip in my half (£5.50).

When I got home I had food and juice to carry upstairs and had left my purse in the car, said I would grab money in the morning for him.

He disappeared for a couple of minutes last night and I assumed he had just gone to lock the door but it turns out he went into my car and took the money from my purse, without saying anything. I only realised this morning when I went out for milk.

Its a tiny amount of money, I dont get why he's sneaked out to take it behind my back without saying anything?

AIBU to think this is weird?

OP posts:
LL83 · 21/06/2019 06:55

He took the money he was owed and no more? If so yabvu.

You should have gave it straight away if money is tight and it is separate finances. Also it is sensible to bring purse in from car.

Lastly what terribly private things are people keeping in purses that their dh cant see?

EdWinchester · 21/06/2019 06:56

Meh. We often take money out of each other’s wallets.

You sound really hard up, so maybe he really needed the £5.50?

HennyPennyHorror · 21/06/2019 07:01

I am another who wouldn;t care. DH and I always go in one another's change for coins or even notes when we need it.

HennyPennyHorror · 21/06/2019 07:01

Is there history with you not giving him money when you say you will?

Coyoacan · 21/06/2019 07:02

My adult dd is forever saying she will pay me later. There is no malice or bad intention on her part, but it can days or weeks for the moment to be right to pay me. Are you certain you aren't like that?

Beautiful3 · 21/06/2019 07:02

This wouldn't bother me. You knew he asked for the change, you said yes but we're busy. So he took it, he probably really needed it. I have done the same to my husband sometimes. I ask first. If he says yes but my wallets upstairs, then I go and do it rather then wait and forget.

YouJustDoYou · 21/06/2019 07:02

He obviously thought you wouldn't pay him your half. If it's that stressful organising money for takeout I personally wouldn't do that with him again.

newmomof1 · 21/06/2019 07:03

How long have you been together? Do you live together (assuming you do from OP but best to check!)

I wouldn't find this weird if my OH did this, but only because you've told him you have the cash. If you hadn't mentioned that you already had the money in your purse it would have been weird for him to go snooping.

We don't split money for takeaways - it's more of a case of 'I'm a bit skint this week, can you get this one?' or 'I'll get this one cos you got the last one'.
Maybe you should try that if you have a takeaway every Thursday?

Purpleseastars · 21/06/2019 07:04

This is so odd. I wouldn’t care if DH or one of my dc did this. I’m always picking up change from around the house, it’s family money and goes in pots to spend on everyone.

gamerwidow · 21/06/2019 07:05

This would not bother me at all. Me and DH have separate finances but if he needs to pop to the shop and has no cash he’ll sometimes take the money out of my purse. Similarly I might take his money off the side to pay something if I don’t have cash on me. It all works out in the end.

LagunaBubbles · 21/06/2019 07:07

loveskaka It literally says right there, I had left my purse in the car

Well funny enough you could have went back out to the car and got it, I wouldn't leave my purse in a car overnight.

gamerwidow · 21/06/2019 07:07

if the OP has form, why didn’t he ASK for his money straight away, saying that he needed it now? Why did he have to do it behind her back?
Maybe he didn’t want to cause a row and thought it was the path of least resistance. He hasn’t stolen anything it’s only what the OP was supposed to give him anyway. Probably thought he was saving her a job.

Wildorchidz · 21/06/2019 07:08

Your thread title implies he stole money. He took the money you owed him. You have not answered any of the posters who have asked if you have a habit of not giving him back money you owe him.

Namechangeymcnamechange11 · 21/06/2019 07:10

It would depend on the dynamics in the relationship I suppose. I wouldn't care if DH went in mine, as it all comes out of the same account! It's annoying at times that he won't even go in my handbag, let alone my purse, especially because it means I need to remember to get out whatever it is later.
If DH is asleep and I'm going out early so I don't want to wake him, I have occasionally got a pound or so out of his wallet for parking and he's never been bothered or even mentioned it to me and it would surprise me if he ever did!
I don't think it's ever been an issue in our entire relationship.
But if money is that right between you, maybe you should reconsider a take away as an easy tea and have something on toast!

shockthemonkey · 21/06/2019 07:12

Strange that he didn’t bring your purse inside for you as leaving it in the car must have been an oversight.

Gilbert1A · 21/06/2019 07:17

This reply has been deleted

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RLOU30 · 21/06/2019 07:18

Your thread title should read “DP took his money from my purse”

You should have gone back to get your purse and given him his change. Perhaps he needed it sooner, after all you only realised when you were already out this morning buying milk.

He should have asked you to go back to get it yes but perhaps this might have caused a row before bed ?

deydododatdodontdeydo · 21/06/2019 07:20

DH and I are always dipping into each other's wallets / purses if we need money.
In fact, me more than him, and he usually asks before going in my purse, whereas I mostly don't.
But then all our money is pooled.

ems137 · 21/06/2019 07:20

This is obviously a very unusual event for you to post about it. I would be tempted to pretend I hadn't noticed straight away and get my purse and say "oh how much was it I owed you again?" You'll then know if he was being genuine or underhand about it.

I think it's very odd he just left your purse in the car. My DH would've gone out, got the money, but also brought my purse inside

Birdie6 · 21/06/2019 07:21

If we're hard up we have eggs or beans on toast - why spend £10 on one meal ? I could buy groceries for a week on that !

53rdWay · 21/06/2019 07:23

Not weird to want the money ASAP I suppose, but pretty weird to sneak off to get it without mentioning. Why couldn’t he just say “I’ll go and get it now”?

Raspberrytruffle · 21/06/2019 07:27

What a load of shite! I'm so glad me and my dh dont piss about like this , we have pooled our finances together since we moved in, we dont ask each other for access to banks or wallets it both our money, you owed him money and seem to enjoy the power of making him wait! If you owe pay up!! Oh and if money is tight a takeaway is a luxury. Give your head a wobble women Hmm

Justincase87 · 21/06/2019 07:27

Did he bring your purse back in? My memory is terrible and if I said I'd left my purse in the car and that I'd give my DH money later he probably would have gone out, got my purse and grabbed the change and bought my purse into the house - maybe he needed it for bus money or parking..?

BogglesGoggles · 21/06/2019 07:29

I really don’t see anything wrong with going in your partner’s wallet for money, especially if you had already agreed you’d take it (otherwise it might cause inconvenience).

IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 21/06/2019 07:36

I think it's weird that there are couples who owe each other money in this way and make sure they get their £5.50 back! It feels petty and unattractive to me.