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AIBU?

AIBU to be upset at friend charging us to visit?

356 replies

snoozy2straws · 21/06/2019 00:35

Old friend and Godmother to my DD, we arranged in Jan to visit her and her hubby who live in Southern Italy with our 2 DCs. We are staying for 5 nights. We spoke today to make final arrangements and she has asked us to pay her £800 plus food for the stay. I’m shocked and deeply upset as it seems so callous and commercial, not the visit to friends we had expected, besides which we really cant afford it. I would have been happy to pay £100 p/head plus food but this seems a lot. I feel like not going but what would I tell DD she is so excited. We are staying in their house so not even an annex or separate apartment! I should have got this clear at the outset but I did not expect this 5 days before we go!
What would you do? AIBU? Is this a fair deal for a summer holiday in the sun with the use of a pool but in their house with them?

OP posts:
NewModelArmyMayhem18 · 23/06/2019 11:01

Just a thought but maybe OP is a lot better off than her friend?

notthemum · 23/06/2019 12:09

I'd find cheaper elsewhere. Booking. Com or trivago.
I'd tell "friend"? Can't afford those last minute rates and have had to look elsewhere. Ask them to text if they want to meet for coffee near where you are staying but don't stay with them it will end in tears.

OneStepSideways · 23/06/2019 12:21

She's extremely rude to charge you at all, considering she's an old friend and invited you!

I'd tell her you weren't expecting it to be so expensive and find a cheap Air B&B instead.

Noimaginationxyzz · 23/06/2019 12:44

I'm certain you could find cheaper in southern Italy in term time. But frankly, even if I paid the same or slightly more (won't it be £1200 for 5 days with the suggested £/head food contribution?) then at least you'd have the satisfaction of your 'friend' not having made an easy £800 off you. If she wants to make commercial rates from visitors staying, crack on, but I'd imagine strangers staying would be a harder way of earning a fast buck. Or see what it would cost to change the flights with the airline & book a self catering in Spain? Sure I've seen term time breaks for a few hundred quid?

notthemum · 23/06/2019 13:43

Seriously hon, check out booking. Com.
Just looked, they have rooms available for your dates, with swimming pool, some with breakfasts. From about £260.
Drawback - you will need to make a quick decision but you'll get your holiday. Some you don't pay for til u get there. Some are free cancellation.
Always difficult to lose a friend but no reason why you and family should miss out.

Ellyess · 23/06/2019 14:34

I lived in S of Eng, moved to East Mids near lovely countryside. Suddenly many friends wanted "to see" me and "stay a night" en route to Lake District, Scotland... So they got a free stop over and meal. The same ones would do this. They also kept donating a bottle of wine as a thank you despite I made it plain I don't drink. Eventually I got fed up with being free B&B to the Home Counties and said I was away or decorating etc. They got the message.

Friend of DD3 wanted her to visit them at their holiday residence approx 300 miles away for a week. I decided it was too expensive on petrol to go there and back twice so arranged to camp nearby. I have a small camper. The friend's mother got up in arms as if I were protesting or something and insisted I stayed with them. They are very well off btw. It was the worst week! Their middle DD was shouting filthy abuse most of the time always interrupting her mother and generally being revolting and shocking. I wondered if she had problems but apparently no she is very clever, top at school etc. Then DD's friend's father takes DC out on 'outward bound' type adventures, 4 children age 12 - 14, and takes them down river in little boat whereupon my DD says that they were "told off" because it was dangerous, closed to people etc. Also they didn't have hard hats on. Next day same... this time out to sea and another heart-stopping event with the boat arriving back after dark as they couldn't get the boat to get back on shore. Children were crying, frightened, cold, sick, hungry... DD said. Next day I say no boats today and huge row begins. Their father is a super hero don't I know it? etc.
Cut short - I found out by a miraculous chance that this father had been arrested for taking children out on a camp thing and putting them in danger only the year before and had lost his licence for ? outward bound type stuff ? -sorry forgotten what it is, (This all happened a few yrs ago.). The place they had was supposed to be their "Outward bound" Type of business. He was just a crazy person who wanted to show-off to the kids. A nightmare!
My message - never stay with other people who are "friends" and do your utmost to stop them staying with you!
Biggest lesson - don't leave your DC with anyone you don't know backwards!!

Durgasarrow · 23/06/2019 14:38

YANBU. Cancel!

momtoboys · 23/06/2019 15:30

Did I miss a post when the OP spoke to the “friend”?

Ihopeyourcakeisshit · 23/06/2019 15:34

@momtoboys yes you did, it was a blink and you'll miss it post under a name change.
Went something along the lines of " spoken to friend agreed new price all is well "Hmm

momtoboys · 23/06/2019 15:46

Thank you!

TheBigFatMermaid · 23/06/2019 18:52

I think she’s trying to let you know she doesn’t want you to stay. I am going to say you’re unreasonable in this scenario, sorry

Well, she should have let them know sooner, as soon as it was mentioned.

Palaver1 · 23/06/2019 18:54

Frank talk or not you both now know what your friendship means. Wow shocking behaviour from her side

escapade1234 · 23/06/2019 20:57

Why are people still replying to this thread when the OP abandoned it a long time ago?

caringcarer · 23/06/2019 21:42

This is so rude. If she expected you to pay she should have stated this from the outset. We have a house in France and invite friends and family over for weeks in summer when we are there and would not expect them to pay anything, they are our guest and it is lovely to catch up in a relaxed setting. We also let family and friends stay there when we are not there and also do not charge them for this either. They do sometimes leave 50 euros for electricity if they go for a week when it is empty, but we would never ask for money. All we ask is that it is left clean and tidy and water turned off.

Miriamkiwi · 23/06/2019 23:55

Fork her husband!!!!😆

0DimSumMum0 · 26/06/2019 11:32

This is a topic on Loose Women today, it is on their Instagram anyway!!

Peralta · 26/06/2019 11:58

This story was on a TV show called The Project here in Australia tonight

ohdearmissus · 26/06/2019 14:19

Yes - just discussed on Loose Women

Meyoumeanmeh · 26/06/2019 14:48

It’s on instagram and the daily fail have it online.

AIBU to be upset at friend charging us to visit?
happyhillock · 26/06/2019 15:04

£800 is a lot of money, i wouldn't expect expect anyone to feed my family for 5 day's for free though, i would do a shopping while there and buy a few bottles of wine

AverageMummy · 26/06/2019 18:01

I think “you must come & visit”

To “hooray I’m coming for a week & btw I’m bringing the whole family” maybe caused an issue....

“We’re happy to pay - not after a freebie”

“Great then they can pay £800 the going rate for my property in this area given they’re using me as a family holiday”

cncsmom · 26/06/2019 18:07

The key question is "were you invited"? It's expensive to have company; especially an entire family. I think they're probably sick of people visiting and being stuck with all the expenses. They don't really owe you a vacation, do they? You should have booked your own hotel and still visited.

0DimSumMum0 · 26/06/2019 23:51

To be honest I don't think the OP would have gone and taken advantage. We live abroad and have visitors all the time and wouldn't dream of charging. I had my best friend and her family for 2 weeks!! What you do is you contribute. You buy meals, you pay towards or for alternate food shops. You buy treats, wine, things to spoil the host. My friend bought me a lovely thank you gift as well which I loved. Same when my Aunt and Uncle when they recently came out.

Duncanward · 27/06/2019 21:18

It’s obvious your desire was to go to a lively place as cost effectively as possible and reduce accommodation cost - we have all been there
It’s unfortunately dependent upon the other party being nice - they are not nice
The only thing that matters is did they tell you they are charging you before you committed - if they did that’s good conduct / you know the rules and are offered a contract - compare it to a hotel and take it or leave it
Had they not said a word and asked for money st the end that would be entrapment . They are crap people or very tight and now you know - stay away enjoy trip and dodge a bullet - can’t go s that way & feel upset vacations are too important

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