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AIBU to be upset at friend charging us to visit?

356 replies

snoozy2straws · 21/06/2019 00:35

Old friend and Godmother to my DD, we arranged in Jan to visit her and her hubby who live in Southern Italy with our 2 DCs. We are staying for 5 nights. We spoke today to make final arrangements and she has asked us to pay her £800 plus food for the stay. I’m shocked and deeply upset as it seems so callous and commercial, not the visit to friends we had expected, besides which we really cant afford it. I would have been happy to pay £100 p/head plus food but this seems a lot. I feel like not going but what would I tell DD she is so excited. We are staying in their house so not even an annex or separate apartment! I should have got this clear at the outset but I did not expect this 5 days before we go!
What would you do? AIBU? Is this a fair deal for a summer holiday in the sun with the use of a pool but in their house with them?

OP posts:
MovinOnUp · 21/06/2019 00:36

When you say 'arranged to visit' did you ask or were you invited?

Goodlookingcreature · 21/06/2019 00:36

4 people staying in her home for 5 days? I think she’s trying to let you know she doesn’t want you to stay. I am going to say you’re unreasonable in this scenario, sorry.

Confusedteacher · 21/06/2019 00:37

YANBU! I wouldn’t go. It’s a visit to a friend, not a stay in a hotel, she is being very cheeky.

WorraLiberty · 21/06/2019 00:39

It sounds as though they're sick of people using them as a holiday home?

Would it be fair to say they feel that way about you and your family?

Walnutwhipster · 21/06/2019 00:40

Did she invite you? Have you done the same for her before?

lifeinthedeep · 21/06/2019 00:40

That’s beyond cheeky. I’d be very upset. I would never dream of charging friends to visit, especially as they are the ones paying for travel, etc.

Even if this is a result of her not being keen she is still being unreasonable as she should have given you more notice.

Whoops75 · 21/06/2019 00:40

5 nights isn’t a visit it’s an invasion!!
You visit for one night then move on.


Friends don’t owe you anything

daisyboocantoo · 21/06/2019 00:41

Erm, no!
I live abroad and am always happy when visitors contribute to food/drink but it isn't expected and I would never charge for lodgings!

katewhinesalot · 21/06/2019 00:42

Find an apartment somewhere nice within reach of the airport and have a proper holiday. She is bvu, especially springing this on you this late in the day. She knows it too, or she'd have mentioned it before. It might be because she didn't want you and is hoping to deter you. Well it has. I wouldn't want to go now. The resentment will completely sour the holiday.

Unburnished · 21/06/2019 00:44

It very much depends on the circumstances:

  • how long have you been friends
  • is the arrangement reciprocal?
  • what was said when she invited you?
  • how often have you done this?
  • are they struggling financially?
  • is your friend generally a cheeky fucker?
Gillian1980 · 21/06/2019 00:44


We often have friends visit for several days and vice versa and would never charge them! If they wanted lodgings they should have been upfront about it from the start and if they didn’t want you to visit then they should have said so.

Kisskiss · 21/06/2019 00:47

Did she invite you or did you invite yourselves? Does she normally rent out the spare rooms to holidaymakers? It’s a bit weird to charge a close friend to visit otherwise

Pipandmum · 21/06/2019 00:47

I’m shocked. I have family friends come stay a few times a year. Parents and kids. If they were here for five days I might expect them to bring a few bottles of wine and maybe take us out for a meal. I would never ever expect them to pay anything else! They might volunteer to do a grocery shop but I wouldn’t ask. They are friends and they are guests. I’m not running a commercial enterprise!
I would reply to your ‘friends’ that you have had to reconsider the trip. It’s up to you if you want to tell her why, though you could say ‘in light of our conversation we’ve had to reconsider visiting you and have decided not to’. She must then realise why.

ClanMcLeod · 21/06/2019 00:48

YANBU Doesn’t matter who invited who, and for how long. If an agreement was made then that’s it. If she’s wanted money for the stay, she should have mentioned it right at the start.

thethethethethe · 21/06/2019 00:48

Find an Airbnb. They obviously feel you're trying to exploit them.

TheSmallAssassin · 21/06/2019 00:48

I would just not go, how can anybody charge friends to visit?! You must have been close at some point if she's your daughter's godmother? It all seems very strange! I think you are just going to have to make an excuse to your daughter. When did you last see them?

LadyRannaldini · 21/06/2019 00:49

I missed a trick when we lived abroad it sems!

WorraLiberty · 21/06/2019 00:49

I wouldn't charge friends either

But if I thought they were taking the piss...for example only contacting me when they wanted a cheap holiday abroad, then I would probably do something similar.

I can't help thinking there are two sides to this story and that the other side might shed some light.

MrMeSeeks · 21/06/2019 00:49

It sounds as though they're sick of people using them as a holiday home?

Would it be fair to say they feel that way about you and your family?

I’d normally agree, but this is the child’s godmother.
I’d be hurt.

TrixieFranklin · 21/06/2019 00:50

Find cheaper lodgings elsewhere and tell her you've made other arrangements because you can't afford her last minute rates! Maybe even tell her that before you commit to elsewhere and see what she says..

NewAccount270219 · 21/06/2019 00:51

I don't know why people are saying it depends on circumstances or whatever. That would have been absolutely true if she'd said she wanted this money when the trip was first mooted - then it would massively depend on whether you were invited and so on. Five days before you go there's just no possible excuse for introducing this charge.

BasiliskStare · 21/06/2019 00:53

That is very awkward - I would say £800 for 5 nights for 3 people and pool & essentially self catering - is probably a fair price for a holiday but it depends on how nice the house is, the area & would expect more privacy for that i.e. a separate apartment or such. but not really the point when you thought you were going to be "invited" . I think paying for food is absolutely OK ( and food shopping in Italy can be lovely ) - at 5 days notice that is hard. I assume you have booked the flights etc.

As to what to do - If she is the type who could tell you this at 5 days notice , could you say to her - Oh - that is more than we had thought over and above paying for food etc we had thought of ( e.g. £300 / £400 - insert number of your choice) & see if there is some middle ground)

I realise that won't make for the happiest conversation , but the only other option is to pay it or assuming flights are cancelable , have a quick google tomorrow and see if you can get a better deal so DD not disappointed.


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WorraLiberty · 21/06/2019 00:53

I’d normally agree, but this is the child’s godmother.

True, but that doesn't always stop people taking the piss.

You read it all the time on MN. "I'm godparent to my friend's DC and the only contact is when they want Birthday and Christmas presents".

HepzibahGreen · 21/06/2019 00:54

If they don't actually want you there, and this is their way of letting you know that, then they are the most passive aggressive people on the planet! 800 quid plus food is shed loads as well. Cancel. I couldn't go after that, honestly. It will only get worse ..

WorraLiberty · 21/06/2019 00:55

I agree 5 days to go is utterly shit.

That's why I think there must be more to it.

For example, could the OP have arranged the 'holiday' 6 months ago and not bothered with contact since?

I don't know, I'm just clutching at straws as the OP hasn't answered questions.

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