AIBU to be upset at friend charging us to visit?

[snoozy2straws]

Old friend and Godmother to my DD, we arranged in Jan to visit her and her hubby who live in Southern Italy with our 2 DCs. We are staying for 5 nights. We spoke today to make final arrangements and she has asked us to pay her £800 plus food for the stay. I’m shocked and deeply upset as it seems so callous and commercial, not the visit to friends we had expected, besides which we really cant afford it. I would have been happy to pay £100 p/head plus food but this seems a lot. I feel like not going but what would I tell DD she is so excited. We are staying in their house so not even an annex or separate apartment! I should have got this clear at the outset but I did not expect this 5 days before we go!
What would you do? AIBU? Is this a fair deal for a summer holiday in the sun with the use of a pool but in their house with them?

I lived in Southern Spain and have had relatives and friends of my mum's from the UK stay for two weeks. Would never dream of charging them and got some nice booze and invites to eat out. This charging guests at the last minute is ludicrous and I would make alternative accomodation and go about it alone. P.S. get your own car.

OP, what was the agreement you came up with?

@S1neadSucks thanks, I will do! Long time lurker, new poster, still not sure of the etiquette! 😊

I live in a seaside village, and when I first moved, a lot of people I vaguely knew (old workmates and school friends mostly, not actually seen in person for years)started messaging me on Facebook saying how lovely it would be to catch up over the summer, could they come for a few days, the grandchildren would love the beach etc etc etc

I blocked the lot of them. They never asked to come and stay when I lived in a little northern town...

Genuine friends and family are always welcome however and I would never dream of charging - but guests generally bring wine/gin/cake as contributions anyway.

When you leave, invite them to spend a short holiday with you. And mean it.

I think a pp has it. It was intended as a ' visit for lunch if you're in Italy ' type thing

Well the invitee could have said that.Anyway its not like they live in the next town.and could just pop over.
And they where close enough at one stage,shes the childs gm.

OP needs to give us more of an update. You should definitely use air B and B and tell her let’s meet for lunch whenever suits

Don’t think the OP is coming back to provide any more details. I’d love to know how the problem and the solution came about too.
Why £800?!

I think it would be quite interesting to speak to any mutual friends and see if this has happened before...

I expect the friend has had loads of people freeloading on them and cracked.

At this late stage it is probably going to be difficult for you to find alternative accomodation TBH.I think she probably knows this !.I would say to her oh £800 is a bit much for us ATM. And anyway were you not going to stay with us next year!.That should bring her up short!

Read The updates - perhaps your friend is short of money and wants to be sure you won't take the piss and eat/drink them dry?

For context - I live somewhere sunny and have just driven a much loved relative back to the airport after an 11 day visit. We have used €110 of diesel, visited several castles, markets, and trips out. My relative can drink us both under the table, and I have cooked and baked lots of food I know she likes. We are none of us exactly rolling in spare money. She has bought lots of wine, some "treat" food, paid for entrance to a couple of attractions and given me €50 for fuel. I didn't ask - it was shoved in my handbag with a "don't you dare say anything ". We have enjoyed her visit and she has had a cheap holiday- already planning the next!

The point is, no one is put upon, everything is fair and all are happy.
Too often there are misunderstandings over money which cause upsets.

Top SecretIdentity ,Thank you for the link ,always thought Italy would be expensive ,but about the same price as our hotel in Sussex recently!

I never realised before that there is a distinction between "come to visit" and "come and stay". I shall have to remember this. (You learn something new!)

DaisyCarrington
It's not just that though. I don't think any invitation translates to 'use our home as a base for your family holiday' unless it's specifically communicated as such.

If a friend moved overseas and I was going over to see them for a few days then staying 3/4 days and chipping in fairly makes sense because the purpose of the trip is to have a catch up as friends, not a family holiday though.

We had friends in Portugal that we used to visit. This meant staying in a hotel but spending a few days and a couple of evenings with them.

Have only read the first couple of pages but Christ, people on MN are odd. She has not “booked a stay” anywhere! From this information, the OP’s friend has invited her to stay. Doesn’t matter whether it’s a day or five days. To then turn round and ask for commercial holiday “rates” is beyond rude and weird. Either host your friends or don’t.

I'm speechless! Some ppl are unbelievable! I have friends with kids coming to visit us for 12 days and I wouldn't dream asking for anything but their company!!! This is very insulting of your "friend".

As a foreigner, the British are a nation well known for not saying what they mean. I mean it took me a long time to figure out that when people said, ‘oh that’s not bad at all’ it was intended to be praise.
So. It is then mildly disingenuous on this thread to suggest that saying: ‘oh you must come and visit’ is an open ended invitation for a five day holiday. (I am of course assuming that the OP is British as is her friend, which may not be true).

Also, people on here are (rudely) obsessive over what their friends and eat and drink. It’s discourteous to comment that your friend “eats a lot” or on how many bottles of wine they consumed during their stay. Polite hosting does not involve an itemised bill.

£800 plus food is a shit load of money to stay in their house.

You can’t go really

The whole trip is ruined now

I would stay in a B%B or just lose the flight money

And whatever you say is irrelevant as you can’t sustain a friendship after this anyway

Lordy Lordy poor your family

If they don't want you there they should have just said or wasn't convenient! Waiting until you've planned a trip the charging you a bill is ridiculous behaviour!

Yikes, that is so weird. I'd never dream of charging someone £800 for a stay in my house. What the heck is she thinking?

I wonder if she doesn't want your visit and this is her way of letting you know.

herculepoirot2
I agree that the friend is out of order to try to bill them and do it so close to the holiday, but I do think turning a 'you must come and visit' remark into a 'let's have a 5 day family holiday at friends house' takes the piss a bit because let's be real unless the friend is taking 5 days off work to hang out with the OP and their family every day then it's not really a visit to catch up with the friend, it's staying with a friend and using their house as your holiday base.

The friends should have said something sooner and have handled it wrong.

PotolBabu
Exactly! And a visit as in visiting a friend as a single person for a friend catch up is different to expecting a 5 day holiday in your friend's house.
I'd think nothing of putting some friends up for a night or so if they were coming to catch up with me, but I'd not want to put their family up for almost a week's family holiday.

Come on OP, we need to know what her explanation was. How did she arrive at 800 quid? Why is she even charging you?? Why such short notice?